The Jeff Dunham Show  Season #1 Episode #5

Synopsis:
Genre: Comedy
Year:
2009
9 Views

Achmed:
Give it up for the man who let me borrow his Hummer to move a futon into my cave, Jeff Dunham.

Jeff:
Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you very much and welcome to The Jeff Dunham Show. Thank you. And in all honesty, I feel

exactly the same about you. But now, ladies and gentlemen, let me get to my manager, my long time manager, a guy who has gotten me where I am today,

Sweet Daddy Dee.

"Yeah!"

Jeff:
Well, Sweet Daddy, it's good to see you tonight. Why don't you tell everyone about what you did this past weekend.

Sweet Daddy Dee:
Oh, well, it was me trying to understand you white folks, cause I don't.

Jeff:
Right.

Sweet Daddy Dee:
You mothers do some weird ass-***.

Jeff:
Like what?

Sweet Daddy Dee:
White folks love to camp.

Jeff:
I like camping.

Sweet Daddy Dee:
"Oh, look, I'm Mr. Whitey!" "I'm paying all this money for a big house. I think I'll go sleep in the dirt." It looks like white folks love to pretend they're homeless.

Jeff:
Is there anything else you don't understand about us?

Sweet Daddy Dee:
Uh, yeah. This.

Sweet Daddy Dee:
Hi, I'm Sweet Daddy Dee, and today, i'm going to go inside the world of the whitest weekend

activity on the planet: Civil War reenactment. What the ****? I figured, if I had to come to this crazy-ass cracker fest, I shouldn't be doing it alone, so I brought my good friend. Abraham Lincoln. Yo, homeboy, say something presidential-ish.

Jeff:
Why am I here?

Sweet Daddy Dee:
Remember when presidents used to be white? Hello.

"Hello."

Sweet Daddy Dee:
Good to see you. I'm Sweet Daddy Dee, and this right here is Abraham Lincoln.

"A pleasure to meet you, Mr. Lincoln."

Jeff:
Uh, hi. He made me do this.

Sweet Daddy Dee:
Before we get started, I just need your word that you're not going to try and sell me to some other crazy-ass cracker.

"You got my word, but i can't speak for everyone."

Sweet Daddy Dee:
Why, thank you, Paul, that makes me feel great. Just to keep me safe for sure, i brought me some insurance. These are my secretaries of defense.

This is Secretary Tim and Secretary Adrian. Now, let's get out there and have some fun. How 'bout that, Paul?

"Let's do that."

Sweet Daddy Dee:
So, uh, what was the politically correct term, back then, for black folks?

"Either "free men of color" or a "darky."

Sweet Daddy Dee:
Oh. A darky? Ouch.

"A darky would be a slave, a person, a black person who is..."

Sweet Daddy Dee:
Awkward. Cut.

Sweet Daddy Dee:
So, uh, all this talk about Civil War reenactment is giving me a headache. Could you, uh, get me an aspirin out of that bottle there?

"Too much cotton."

Sweet Daddy Dee:
No aspirin? That's unusual. Good thing I travel with a lot of aspirin bottles. Right, fellas?

Jeff:
Sweet Daddy, I need to talk to you for a second.

Sweet Daddy Dee:
Keep picking.

Jeff:
What are you doing?

Sweet Daddy Dee:
Oh, my Lord! I got them picking cotton.

Jeff:
Look, do you have a hobby?

Sweet Daddy Dee:
Making sweet love all night long.

Jeff:
Well, this is their hobby and they love it.

Sweet Daddy Dee:
I like my hobby better. Sorry about the

cotton thing, fellas. I had the wrong idea about all this Civil War reenacting. You guys are all right. Maybe if we can incorporate some things from my world into your world, this should be fun for both white and black folks.

"Sure, yeah."

Sweet Daddy Dee:
So, homeboys, uh, what kind of heat y'all packing?

"This is a LeMat pistol. It's a .44 caliber and a .20-gauge under barrel shotgun."

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Jeff Dunham

Jeffrey "Jeff" Dunham (born April 18, 1962) is an American ventriloquist and comedian who has also appeared on numerous television shows, including Late Show with David Letterman, Comedy Central Presents, The Tonight Show and Sonny With a Chance. He has six specials that run on Comedy Central: Jeff Dunham: Arguing with Myself, Jeff Dunham: Spark of Insanity, Jeff Dunham's Very Special Christmas Special, Jeff Dunham: Controlled Chaos, Jeff Dunham: Minding the Monsters, and Jeff Dunham: All Over the Map. Dunham also starred in The Jeff Dunham Show, a series on the network in 2009.His style has been described as "a dressed-down, more digestible version of Don Rickles with multiple personality disorder". Describing his characters, Time magazine said, "All of them are politically incorrect, gratuitously insulting and ill tempered." Dunham has been credited with reviving ventriloquism, and doing more to promote the art form than anyone since Edgar Bergen.Dunham has been called "America's favorite comedian" by Slate.com, and according to the concert industry publication Pollstar, he is the top-grossing standup act in North America, and is among the most successful acts in Europe as well. As of November 2009, he has sold over four million DVDs, an additional $7 million in merchandise sales, and received more than 350 million hits on YouTube as of October 2009 (his introduction of Achmed the Dead Terrorist in Spark of Insanity was ranked as the ninth most watched YouTube video at the time). A Very Special Christmas Special was the most-watched telecast in Comedy Central history, with its DVD selling over 400,000 in its first two weeks. Forbes.com ranked Dunham as the third highest-paid comedian in the United States behind Jerry Seinfeld and Chris Rock, and reported that he was one of the highest-earning comics from June 2008 to June 2009, earning approximately $30 million during that period. Dunham also does occasional acting roles. He achieved the Guinness Book of World Records record for "Most tickets sold for a stand-up comedy tour" for his Spark of Insanity tour, performing in 386 venues worldwide. more…

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Submitted by logan_s 2 on April 10, 2019

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"The Jeff Dunham Show" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 15 Oct. 2019. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_jeff_dunham_show_24154>.

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