THE IT CROWD (2006–2013)  Season #1 Episode #1 - 'Yesterday's Jam'

Synopsis: Jen starts at Reynholm industries as the IT Manager. But it turns out she dosen't know anything about computers.
Genre: Comedy
Year:
2006
109 Views


Scene 1

Denholm & JenDenholm Reynholm is sat at his desk with new employee Jen sat in front of him.

Denholm:
Hope this doesn't embarrass you Jen, but I find the best thing to do with a new employee is to size them up with a long hard stare.

(Denholm stares long and hard)

So!

Jen:
So

Denholm:
First day

Jen:
Yes

Denholm:
Scary

Jen:
Yes

Denholm:
Don't be scared

Jen:
Well I'm not really scared

Denholm:
You should be

Jen:
Well I am a little bit scared

Denholm:
Well don't be

Jen:
Make up your mind

Denholm:
(laughs)

Jen:
(laughs)

Denholm:
So, here you are

Jen:
Yes, really looking forward to getting to grips with...

Denholm:
I'm gonna put you in I.T. because you said on your CV you have a lot of experience with computers.

Jen:
I did say that on my CV, yes. I have a lot of experience with the whole computer thing you know, emails, sending emails, receiving emails, deleting emails, I could go on.

Denholm:
Do.

Jen:
The web. Using a mouse, mices, using mice. Clicking, double clicking. The computer screen, of course. The keyboard. The... bit that goes on the floor down there.

Denholm:
The hard drive.

Jen:
Correct.

Denholm:
Well, you certainly seem to know your stuff. That's settled. I've got a good feeling about you Jen and they need a new manager.

Jen:
Fantastic, so the people I'll be working with, what are they like?

Denholm:
Standard nerds!

Scene 2

Hello IT...Cut to Roy's desk in the basement. Phone is ringing and he is drinking coffee and licking doughnut sugar from his fingers.

(answers phone)

Roy:
Hello IT.

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

OK, well, the button on the side. Is it glowing?

Yeah, you need to turn it on. Err, the button turns it on.

enter Moss who tosses Roy a muffin

Yeah, you do know how a button works, don't you? No, not on clothes.

Moss's phone rings. He answers it.

Moss:
Hello IT.

Yuhuh. Have you tried forcing an unexpected reboot?

Roy:
no, there you go, I just heard it come on. No, that's the music you hear when it comes on. No, that's the music you hear when... I'm sorry, are you from the past?

Moss:
You see the drive hooks a function by patching the system core table so it's not safe to unload it unless another thread is about to jump in there and do its stuff. And you don't want to end up in the middle of invalid memory. (laughs) Hello?

Roy:
Oh really?! Well why don't you come down here and make me then. What? You think I'm afraid of you? I'm not afraid of you, you can come down here any time and I'll be waiting for ya! (hangs up and sits back in chair) That told her.

It's about time you got back it's been all go.

Moss:
You had a job?

Roy:
Girl on fifth.

Moss:
Did you and her, hit it off?

Roy:
Define, hit it off.

Moss:
Did she continue talking to you once you'd fixed her computer?

And while I was working on it, she rested a cup on my back.

Roy:
No.

Moss:
And while I was working on it, she rested a cup on my back.

Moss:
No

Roy:
Yup.

Moss:
Unbelievable.

Roy:
They have no respect for us up there. No respect whatsoever. We're all just drudgeons to them.

Moss:
Yes. If there were such a thing as a drudgeon, that is what we would be to them.

Roy:
It's like they're pally-wally when there's a problem with their printer, but once it's fixed...

Moss:
They toss us away like yesterday's jam.

Roy:
YES! Like yesterday's jam! That is what we are to them. (phone rings, Roy picks it up) Err you know what, that doesn't really to work as a thing 'cos jam lasts for ages.

Hello IT. Have you tried turning it off and on again?

Scene 3

Unisex toilets? You have unisex toilets like Ali McBealDenholm is showing Jen around the offices on the top floor. It is populated by beautiful people walking about apparently not doing much work.

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Graham Linehan

Graham Linehan (/ˈlɪnəhæn/, born 22 May 1968) is an Irish television writer. He created or co-created the sitcoms Father Ted (1995–1998), Black Books (2000–2004) and The IT Crowd (2006–2013). He has also written for Count Arthur Strong, Brass Eye and The Fast Show. After an episode of The IT Crowd was criticised as transphobic, Linehan became an anti-transgender activist, arguing that transgender activism endangers women and likening the use of puberty blockers to Nazi eugenics programmes. In 2020, he was suspended from the social network Twitter for "repeated violations" of the rules. more…

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