The In-Laws

Synopsis: In preparation for his daughter's wedding, dentist Sheldon Kornpett meets Vince Ricardo, the groom's father. Vince, a manic fellow who claims to be a government agent, then proceeds to drag Sheldon into a series of chases and misadventures from New York to Central America.
Director(s): Arthur Hiller
Production: Warner Bros. Pictures
 
IMDB:
7.4
Rotten Tomatoes:
90%
PG
Year:
1979
103 min
141 Views

Let's call in, huh?

Hello, this is Alpha and Beta, over.

We read you, Alpha Beta. Location, over.

We're whipping along South Factory...

...should be coming into the mintaroonie|in about nine minutes at 1100.

Over and out.

What's going on?

Wait a minute!|Oh, Christ! Arabs!

- What're you talking about?|- Chrissakes!

Base? This is Alpha Beta.

Come in. Come in, base.

I bet it's Arabs. I saw a TV show.|This is what they do.

- Come in, base. This is Alpha Beta.|- Jesus!

- This is Alpha Beta. Come in, base!|- Goddamned Arabs!

- They're lowering us now.|- What's happening? What's wrong?

- We're jammed!|- Jammed?

We better get somebody on that radio!|We can't use it jammed.

We're the U.S. Treasury, for chrissake.|This ain't no Wells Fargo truck!

I'll get you! Here,|I'll get your ass! I'll get you!

Get out of there!

What's this shit?|There's nothing but money in here.

That's the ticket. Let's go.

Vince.

Hey, Vince.

Hey.

Hey.

- Hey, Vince.|- Gee, I can't believe this trade.

What do the Mets|need another pitcher for?

All they got is pitchers.

What're we doing up here?|I don't understand.

Oh, there's reasons. I mean,|you know, I don't just do things.

There's always a valid reason.|Let me see.

- All right. Any problems?|- None.

Fabulous. Fabulous work.

Now what's the story on this?|You gonna bill me?

- He wants a million, five.|- No sweat.

- By tomorrow.|- What?

- I'm sorry. That's what he said.|- That's completely nuts!

My kid is getting married Sunday.

How the hell does he expect me|to come up with that money?

Do you know how tied up I've been?|I haven't even met the bride's family yet.

If it was up to me, you could take|two weeks, but that's what he told me!

Jesus Christ.

Okay. I just have to|work something out, that's all.

Thanks for everything.|How's the wife?

She's fine. You know,|she's taking up tennis?

- No kidding?|- Yeah.

I can never get the hang of it.|I don't know what the hell it is.

You know, maybe it's because|you have to wear short pants to play.

I guess we ought to|break this thing up, huh?

- Take it easy.|- You too, Vince.

Evita, give Acme a call. I'm not|happy with the viscosity on these bibs.

Okay, here we go, Mr. Hirschorn.|Just open your mouth, please.

Mr. Hirschorn,|take your hand down...

...put your head back,|open your mouth.

That's it.

Mr. Hirschorn,|I cannot work this way.

Doc, 72 years I have this tooth.|He don't wanna die.

Your tooth is not a "he."

It's nerves, enamel,|rotten and it's gotta go.

- No big deal.|- Seventy-two years.

This tooth had steaks. This tooth|had just beans when I was poor.

- Mr. Hirschorn.|- This tooth chewed on beautiful women.

Including a second cousin|of Sophie Tucker.

- Your tooth's had a wonder...|- Dr. Kornpett.

- Your wife is on the line.|- I'll be right there.

Your tooth had a wonderful life.|Now it's time to say goodbye.

I understand.

But I want you to know|what kind of a tooth this was.

It's an extraordinary tooth.

It's an honor to pull it out, which|I'll do after I answer this phone call.

Excuse me.

How's it going?

The tent up? Terrific.

Yeah, I'm getting excited.|Is Barbara home?

- Yes, she's here being very domestic.|- Hi.

- She says hi.|- And remember the wine.

Oh, and remember the wine.

No. Not Beaujolais.|Get something fancier.

- A St. Emilion or a good California.|- Cabernet's great.

Julia Child says Cabernet's great.|Will you be home early tonight?

7:
00 sharp.|He's definitely coming over?

Sweetheart, I'll believe it|when I see him.

No, I'll behave myself.

Listen, I got somebody|in the chair so I gotta go.

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Andrew Bergman

Andrew Bergman (born February 20, 1945) is an American screenwriter, film director, and novelist. New York magazine in 1985 dubbed him "The Unknown King of Comedy". His best known films include Blazing Saddles, The In-Laws, and The Freshman. more…

All Andrew Bergman scripts | Andrew Bergman Scripts

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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"The In-Laws" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 23 Oct. 2019. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_in-laws_20511>.

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