The House of Magic

1

Hey! Wait!

You forgot me!

Hey, hey. Watch it, cat!

- Hey, hey, hey, gato!

- Huh?

I saw them people kick you out.

What did you do,

scratch up their couch?

- Pee on the carpet?

- What?

No. I didn't do anything wrong.

Oh, you must've

done something, amigo,

'cause they chucked you

like a day-old burrito.

It happens all the time.

The streets are full of

cute kitties nobody wants.

Hey, you think I can come with you?

You crack me up.

A gato hanging out with the dawg?

I don't think so, mi bro.

What?

I get two minutes to pee? That's all?

Okay, I'm coming, I'm coming.

Man, this lack of physical

activity is gonna stunt my growth.

Hello?

Hey! Hold on!

Do you have any idea

where I am?

Cool place.

Oh.

Oh!

Oh!

Well, hi, there.

Oh, don't be afraid.

I'm not gonna hurt you.

I'm just looking for

a place... to stay.

Wait a second.

Please, don't run away.

Oh, come on, now. This is crazy.

Let me explain.

Hold on!

I just wanna talk to you is all.

Stay away from me!

Jack!

Jack!

Jack!

- What?

- Back off!

Jack, this monster tried to eat me.

No, I didn't.

I don't even like mice.

Do you think we are fools?

We all know cats eat mice.

I'm warning you.

Keep your mangy paws off of Maggie.

- Get me?

- Honest, I wasn't going to eat her.

Enough talk!

Please, you don't understand.

- I'm lost.

- Sorry.

Not our problem.

Everybody in these parts

knows this property is off limits.

Yeah. Especially to strays.

I'm not a stray.

That was close.

Yeah. We don't need anyone coming

in and messing things up for us.

You know how the old man gets

all mushy, lovey-dovey with cats.

Ain't that the truth, Jack.

Good thing we got rid of him in time.

Indeed, indeed.

What a day!

Oh!

You know he dislikes the cold.

Can't say I blame him.

Edison here performed a

double-twisted somersault

into the toilet bowl!

Quite the performance, I must say.

Pass me the little screwdriver.

The purple one, yes.

Thank you, Twiggoo.

Almost done.

There you go.

Good as new.

You're quite welcome.

Next time, be more careful.

Don't use the restroom

as your playground.

Speaking of performances,

I remember my first

like it was yesterday.

Drum roll, please!

It was 1954.

I had performed magic to great

success all over Europe and Asia.

But this was by far and away my

most accomplished trick ever.

Ladies and gentlemen,

if you are squeamish,

cover your eyes!

I and I alone, a mere mortal,

will be the only thing

standing between you

and 1,000 flying daggers!

Who could that be at this hour?

Oh my! An intruder?

Everyone, quickly, hide.

Okay! Let's see who wants

to break into our house!

Oh, come on, Uncle Lawrence!

Oh, Daniel, it's you.

Not another one of your

stupid tricks. Open the box.

Yes, yes, sorry.

I... I thought you were a burglar.

A burglar?

I couldn't open your rusty

old door, that's all.

Yeah, I know, I need to fix it.

So much to do.

Just get me out of this contraption!

That won't be a problem.

As soon as I find the key.

Are you kidding me, Uncle Larry?

I don't have time for this!

Of course, time is money.

Whatever that means.

So nice of you to visit.

Would you like some tea,

or maybe some cookies?

Uncle Lawrence, I got a call

from the power company.

You forgot to pay your utility bills.

Again!

Here it is!

It was in my pocket all the time.

Not funny.

Watch out for your hands.

And your nose.

Oh, I am sick and tired

of your silly tricks!

You used to love them.

Uncle Lawrence, we need

to talk about this house.

Oh. What exactly is

there to talk about?

- Is there a cat in here?

- A cat?

No, I don't believe so.

Why do you ask?

Look at me.

Maybe you're allergic

to something else?

Ooh, did I ask you if

you'd like some cookies?

No cookies!

If I stay in here any longer,

I'll blow up like a blimp!

- Gesundheit!

- I'm allergic to two things.

Wasting time...

and cats.

You should think about

selling this place.

I've got clients who would love to put

their hands on a property like this.

They'd pay top dollar.

Why would I do that?

This house has been in the

family for generations.

I know you're a great

real estate agent.

If I sold it, where would I go?

How about a nice retirement home?

Retire? That's for old people.

And besides, where would

I put all my belongings?

I would get rid of all this junk.

Junk? This is not junk.

My whole life is in here.

Whatever! Just...

Pay your bills!

He was such a nice kid.

What happened?

Oh, don't you worry, everyone.

I'm not going to sell my house.

What would become of me

without all of you around?

This house is enchanted.

Isn't that right, Maggie?

Come up here, Jack.

Where's Edison?

I need to put some oil on

his new rewind spring.

Oh, my... Oh.

Or he'll stop working again.

Wouldn't want any of you

getting yourself all rusty

and not able to work any more.

That wouldn't do.

What was that all about?

I haven't the foggiest but I tell you,

I never liked that nephew of his.

He's up to no good, I say.

No good indeed.

Jack, look! He came back.

Why, the nerve of that pipsqueak!

Get him, Jack.

Oh, you are so going to regret this.

What?

Oh, what do we have here?

How did you get in here?

Did Jack let you in?

Well, hello there.

Such a cute little kitty, isn't he?

Oh, I can't believe it!

He's falling for it.

Someone left you all alone, did they?

Yes, I know.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes