The Horizontal Lieutenant

Synopsis: 1944. Hapless Second Lieutenant Merle Wye of the US army's intelligence service is dismayed that he has not seen any action - he imagining himself as a suave undercover agent, worming secrets out of exotic female spies - instead being confined to a desk job in Honolulu. For non-military reasons, Merle is assigned a new posting - his first field job - that on the South Pacific island of Rodahan. He eventually learns that both his job on Rodahan and the posting in general are rather innocuous, as the Americans liberated Rodahan from the Japanese eight months ago, there has been no action there ever since, and as such it is a rather quiet, idyllic locale. All the Japanese soldiers on the island surrendered at the time, that is all except one, a man named Kobayashi, who is unarmed and seen as being harmless because of it. Merle's job is to locate and bring in Kobayashi, solely because he has been pilfering luxury goods from the US army commissary and officers' quarters the last little whil
Genre: Comedy, Romance, War
90 min

The Horizontal Lieutenant (1962)

This is me, October 1944...

the day I was inducted

into the United States Army.

This is me again,

when I was enrolled

in officer's candidate school.

And here's another of me...

the day they assigned me

to Military Intelligence.

Military Intelligence...

man, what mental pictures

that brought up.

I could see myself busting

enemy codes wide-open

all over Europe,

snooping out troop movements

in oriental saloons,

languishing in the arms

of some foreign spy

while I wormed

the plans out of her.

That's what I dreamed about.

You know what happened?


That's no disguise I'm wearing.

That's me,

languishing in Fort Garrett,


4,000 Miles from the nearest

Japanese Kamikaze.


There I sat for months,

Second Lieutenant Merle Wye

of Military Intelligence,

third-string outfielder

on the G2 ball team.

What a way to fight

for your country.

Little did I know

I would soon be a casualty

of World War II.

Ohh! Ohh!

Medic! Medic!

Horizontal Lieutenant

2, 3, 4

2, 3, 4

Horizontal Lieutenant

2, 3, 4

Hup, 2, 3, 4

1, 2, 3, 4

Who's the guy

the gals adore?

The Horizontal Lieutenant

3, 4, 5, 6

Who's got all

the dolls and chicks?

The Horizontal Lieutenant

Though his army record

was poor

He sure won the battle

of Toujours L'amour

hup, hup, 1, 2

One for all and all for who?

The Horizontal Lieutenant

He was game


With a dame


He's the most


Here's a toast


Here's to our 4-star

Horizontal Lieutenant

Hup, 2, 3, 4!

Though his army record

was poor

He sure won the battle

of Toujours L'amour

Hup, hup, 1, 2

One for all and all for who?

The Horizontal Lieutenant

He was game

with a dame

He was brave

how he gave

At the post

he's the most

Here's a toast

here's a toast

Cheers to our 4-star

Horizontal Lieutenant

2, 3, 4

Hup, 2, 3, 4

Horizontal Lieutenant

2, 3, 4

Hup, 2, 3, 4

Horizontal Lieutenant

When I woke up,

I had a strange impression

that the nurse in the room

was a girl I used to know,

back home in Wichita.

What time is it?

What do you care? You're

not going anyplace.

You know, for a minute there,

I had the funniest feeling.

I thought you were a girl...

Don't try to talk.

You've been hit in the head.

Girl I knew in college...

tall, skinny girl,

lanky, sort of.

I said don't talk.

Are you lanky, nurse?

Yeah, I'm lanky.

Go to sleep.

Not like her, though.

A lot of laughs, that kid...

the awkward type, you know,

not the kind you

date or anything,

[laughing] But

a lot of laughs.

[Laughing] Yeah.

Hey, look, I'm warning

you don't talk.

We used to call

her high pockets.

Ha ha ha!

She was crazy about me.

Oh, I can believe that.

Why not?

Funny I should think

about her now.

Her name was Molly Blue.

What's your name, nurse?

Molly Blue.

Hi, Merle.

Hi, Blue.


Down. Down! Down, boy!

Hiya, Blue.

What's the good word?

Hey, Ron. Nothing much.

Hi, Blue. Hey, Blue, hi.

Hey, how's it going, sexy?


Hiya, Blue. Hi, Mike,

how are you doing?

Like, any chance

of an alcohol rub?

Uh-uh. Not today.

You got a minute, Blue?

For what? You tell me,

and then maybe I'll decide.

Hey, Blue, come on back here.

Hello, Harry.

Don't forget to come

back this way, Blue.

Well, I see we're leaving

today, lieutenant.

How do we feel? And why

aren't we dressed?

We feel terrible,

and we aren't dressed

because we're thinking of sticking

around for a few days.

Oh, are we really?

Yeah. We're thinking of lying

here flat on our backs

until a certain

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