The Heartbreak Kid: The Egg Toss

Synopsis: A making-of with more on-set laughs with the production's big behind-the-scenes event, an egg toss staged to blow off steam.
Genre: Short
8 min

So, what's new, Eddie?

Anything exciting?

Yeah, we just got those new Nike

SasQuatch drivers into the store,

so that's been kind of cool.

Let me rephrase the question.

You been crushing any pussy?

No, Dad,

I haven't been crushing any pussy.

Seriously, who you booming?

Dad, seriously,

I'm not "booming" anybody,

I'm just kind of dating a little right now.

I don't get you.

You refuse to get married,

yet you don't really enjoy the fruits

of bachelor life.

It's like you're living

in a purgatory over here.

Dad, I don't refuse to get married.

It's just I wanna do it

with the right person, okay?

I'm sorry to ride you, pal.

I just want you to be happy.

I hate you to be alone

on Valentine's Day.

I won't be. I'm going to a wedding.

Oh. Now you're talking.

Weddings are a great place

to meet women.

Who's getting married?



What are you...


- Are you serious?

- Dad. Come on.

- Eddie, don't do this to yourself.

- We're still friends.

I'm just saying, watching

your ex-fiance walk down the aisle

on Valentine's Day might sting a little.

No. We're way past that.

Really. I mean, if anything,

it's gonna be cathartic.

Give me a little closure.

I think it's flat-out wrong,

but maybe I'm just old-fashioned.

Come on, skip the wedding.

You and me, we'll head to Vegas.

Maybe we'll get lucky and tag-team

a couple of broads.

Yeah, I have to say the idea

of a tag team

with my 77-year-old father

is extremely tempting,

but I already RSVP'd, so...

I appreciate the offer.

Come on, come on.

Hey, can I get a beer, please?

- And I will get a Cosmopolitan.

- No problem.


Isn't that sort of a female-type drink?

Oh yeah. Yeah.

Tammy turned me on to them.

And I pretty much drink

what she drinks, so...

Oh. Really?

Yeah. Happy wife, happy life.

That's a good one.

"Happy wife, happy life." I like that.

- Rhymes. Must be true.

- Yeah. Thank you.

Wow. Look at Jodi.

She looks great, huh?

Yeah, she looks really good.

And she's got the kind of looks

that are gonna last, you know?

Look at her mom.

Oh, what a cougar.

Some good genes there.

Hey. Come on.

Look, you had five years to pull

the trigger with Jodi, okay?

And if I recall, you had plenty

of reasons for calling it off.

Yeah. I know. I'm just trying

to remember what they were.

God, there was a million of them.

"She doesn't like my fantasy football

league. She never shares her food.

"She doesn't try anything new."

Man, what are you...

That's not my voice.

That's you. That's exactly you.

That's spot-on you.

I don't sound like an Italian mouse.

Little bit.

I do not-a talk-a like this.

Oh, yeah? Okay, remember this one?

"She hates-a Caddyshack-a."

Yeah, and you know why

she hates-a Caddyshack?

'Cause she said that

the gopher looked too fake.

Come on, that would bother you.

Oh, totally. Totally.

Throw away a chance at happiness

because the gopher looks fake.

Come on, man.

You've never been married.

You're 40 years old.

Eddie, at some point you're just gonna

have to close your eyes and jump.

I did it. I'm the happiest guy I know.

- Hey, Eddie.

- Oh, hey.

- How are you?

- I'm good. How are you doing?

Good, good. Are you sad?


Oh, good. Good.

Mac, come on, honey, we gotta go.

Everyone's already at our table.

- Lead the way, gorgeous.

- Is that for me?

- No, that's his.

- Oh. Well, it's mine now.

What table you at, Eddie?

I am at table 34.

- Oh, too bad. We're at 11.

- We're at 11.

- Okay. See you later.

- All right.

- Save me a dance.

- Okay.

- Don't forget.

- I won't.

- Mac, come on.

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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