The Hardboiled Standards

Genre: Film-Noir

Fade in


We open on a dim afternoon. Rhonda Roundheels is sipping her 12th cup of joe, bumping the jingle brain and ready to give the day a good broderick. Jasper Crane approaches, a real bruno sporting a large hat and without a mask. Rhonda smiles and engages.


Afternoon Mr. Crane, Welcome to the club.

Jasper Crane

Hiya Bird, I'm looking to throw back some eel juice.

Rhonda Roundheels

That's eggs in the coffee sir, but you gotta loose the lid first and put on a mask. 

Jasper Crane

No problem toots

(Removes hat and applies mask)

No need to start any chin music.

Rhonda roundheels

I'll show you to our bartender and he'll get you some giggle juice.

Cassique bar:

Serving Assistant Oz Hawthorne behind the bar helping with final set up. Jasper and Rhonda approach. 

Jasper Crane

What's the score pally, I'm lookin to tipple back some tiger milk.

Oz Hawthorne

Sorry sir but you're tootin the wrong ringer. May I siphon off a pony glass of water to dip your bill?

Jasper Crane

Bartender Frank Hawthorne appears

Marvin Skinner

Mr. Crane, How's tricks?

Jasper Crane

Hawthorne you old tomcat!

Marvin Skinner

My apologies I had to step away. Looks like Oz got your beak wet but I know you could use a real drink.

Jasper crane

Everythings's Jake Frank. Get me a loaded egg cream with a drum floater.

Marvin Skinner

Ah the usual, make with the feet Mr. Crane and park the body on the terrace. I'll bring you an ashtray for that dog rocket of yours.

Jasper Crane

Thats the silk Hawthorne. Come on out and bump gums with me a while would ya?

After an hour Jasper Crane heads toward the door

Oz Hawthorne

About to push off Mr. Crane?

Jasper Crane

Spot on Mac, thanks for letting me tip a few. 

Oz Hawthorne

Always a pleasure sir, we will see you again soon.

Jasper crane

You got that right hot shot, I'll be back quicker than bangtails, you watch!

The End

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    "The Hardboiled Standards" STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 1 Mar. 2021. <>.

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