The Great Masquerade

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1

- And now for an exclusive report

from High Gardener in Miami.

- One of the most publicized events

staged in Miami Beach

has been moved to the

middle of the ocean.

The Artists and Models Ball,

sponsored annually by

philanthropist Sherwood Gates

for the Orphans of the World Society

will not be held at the

Fountain Blue this year.

Instead it will take place on

the luxury cruise ship

the SS Emerald Seas, while at sea,

three weeks from today.

In the past three years each beauty

met a horrible death

shortly after being crowned Queen of

the Artisan Models Ball

murdered by an unknown

person or persons.

The victims, Olive Clayton,

from Washington DC,

Francie Jonas of Atlanta,

and from Miami beach, Judy Brooks.

Will the jinx follow the ball

even in the middle of the ocean?

Will this years winner to

be savagely slain?

We are sending our ace news team,

Jenny Jordan and Mike Mason,

to photograph the ball.

If anything happens, you'll be

there, on Eyewitness News.

Meanwhile on Miami Beach the manager

of the Fountain Blue

and the chief of police have

put their foot down

on Sherwood Gates balls until the

murders are solved.

- Go on.

- I was hungry see,

that's all it was.

All I wanted was her purse, but when

I grabbed her hand bag

she came along with it.

How was I supposed to know

she had tied herself to

her hand bag?

- So you dragged the old

lady three blocks?

- It was her or me.

- I see.

And you're 29 and she's 89.

- Well she outweighed me.

- Yeah.

- She had on these rubber

toed shoes you know,

really slowed me down.

She kept dragging her feet

making little tread marks

in the sidewalk.

- Yeah.

- Step out please.

Name? - Fanny Hill.

- Urma Ladoosh.

- P*ssy Galore.

- Tiny Tim.

- Peters.

- Peters what?

- Dick Peters, can't you

see I'm a man?

- No sh*t.

- Dave did you see the

hookers we booked?

Man you wouldn't believe what goes

on with those chicks.

And the incredible thing is,

they like it here.

I mean I don't like it

here and I'm a cop.

- Casey.

- Some of them are pretty

good looking broads.

- Casey listen a second.

- What?

- Come here.

Have you uh

noticed anything funny

about the chief?

I mean uh,

does anything seem strange

about the way he acts?

- Nah, he's an old dick

from way back.

Probably thinks we're a

couple of snotty kids.

- Naw.

Well I think the chief, is a little

bit on the gay side.

- You think the chief is a

little on the gay side?

Dave you've been in vice

too long baby.

No way, it's time for a

little nappy nap.

He's married with

grandchildren for Christ sakes.

- He's always staring at me Casey,

looking me up and down.

Jesus it's driving me nuts.

- When did it start?

- Week, maybe two weeks ago.

- Nah Dave, you're not getting me

in that kind of scene.

No way.

No way, now forget it.

Hi there Chief.

- Morning Chief. - Morning Dave.

How's Trix?

- Just great Chief.

Great, Trix was just great.

- Do me a favor Dave.

- Chief, we're kind of

busy right now.

Hey Dave, do the chief a

favor will ya?

- Turn around for me will ya Dave.

- You want me to turn around huh?

- Yeah, you know, step out here

and do a little spin

around you know.

- Yeah.

- A little slower Dave.

Okay.

Don't go anywhere.

- He likes you Dave.

- Shut up.

- Hey can I be your pimp?

- God dammit Casey what

am I going to do?

- Don't do anything, let

him do it all.

- That's not what I mean.

- Well just,

say hey Chief, I'm awfully sorry,

but I'm already engaged and

show him your ring.

- I don't wanna embarrass

the old guy Cas.

- Well just say Chief,

I don't wanna embarrass you,

but I'm not a fag so freak off.

- You're a great help.

Thanks.

- Good morning Collins.

- Morning Officer Fulton.

- Would you do me a favor please?

- Do a good turn for the lady.

- Yes, if you please.

- You uh, want me to spin?

- Mmhmm.

- And for this years model, in

yellow and brown.

- That's very nice, very nice.

- Got a good tush too.

- Pull your pant leg up

will you Collins.

Your pant leg up, just

right up there.

Above the knee please,

above the knee.

Oh that's good.

Terrific legs, terrific legs.

- Let's go back in the office.

- You can put your pant

leg down now.

Very nice, very nice.

- Jesus.

What the hell is going on?

- I don't know, but can I watch?

- Oh you're a real buddy

you know that?

The chief and his right hand man

are giving me the eye.

My world.

The whole world is falling apart,

and you're making jokes.

- Just remember Dave,

the whole world

is a comedy to those who think.

- Oh yeah, well what's

your excuse huh?

- Collins? - Yeah?

- Can you come into

the chief's office for a

moment please?

- Yes sir, yes ma'am.

- I wanna know everything Dave.

Don't leave out the dirty parts,

I'm a grown man I can take it.

I even go to R rated movies.

- Come in.

Come in Dave.

Sit down.

Dave, we've got a

proposition to make.

- I figured you'd say that.

- How'd you like a nice big fat

promotion Collins?

- Well uh...

- It could make your career as a

police detective Dave.

- Look Chief, and Officer Fulton,

I'm really uh,

very flattered by all this,

but you see uh,

well there's my girl and uh, and uh,

she's, she's a little jealous,

very jealous in fact and uh,

I don't really think

she'd go for it.

- Well of course not Dave, and

you wouldn't tell her.

- This is a covert operation,

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