The Good Guy

Hello?

Beth, hey.

Can you let me up?

I, uh--

I'm locked out of my apartment

and I lost my wallet and my keys.

No. You can't come up right now.

Is someone up there with you?

No.

Is it him?

Look, Beth, I--

I'm locked out.

And I have had the worst night

of my life and I--

Look, if you help me,

I'll leave you alone.

Okay? Both of you.

I feel sorry for you, Tommy.

I do.

Have you ever been lied to

by someone you trusted completely?

Just had your little heart torn out

and shoved down your throat?

Trust me, it's not nearly

as fun as it sounds.

I hate to admit it,

but I was totally blindsided

by the whole thing.

And I deal with the best liars

In the world every day.

I'm shorted another hundred thousand.

That's right, every sale's a good one.

Take that spin off the f***ing tape

or I'm gonna come through this phone

and bite your f***ing eyes out.

Okay, talk to you later.

...is up 30 percent,

top line is flat.

It's not my fault you own this dodgy stock.

Don't worry, don't worry,

you're in good hands.

Half a million Johnny-John

to travel, who's in?

This girl is a-f***ing-mazing.

Is anybody gonna get me f***ing done

on the Cisco, please?

Make some calls, people, please.

Yeah, just hold for me.

How, you're done at 50 thou on the figure,

Jen'll call you with the report.

- All right? Did you get that 50,000?

- Calling him now.

F***, f***, f***, f***.

My whole system just crashed again.

Where is Iceman?

You sent him out for coffee.

Hey, Shakes,

am I filling that Microsoft yet, or--

I'm working it, man.

- where the f*** is my latte?

- Probably still with Iceman.

Shakespeare, it's f***ing Microsoft.

Just put it up.

- Okay.

- Bobby, stay with me, all right?

- He's working it. I'll have it done soon.

- what is the point

of having an Army geek computer nerd

If he is never f***ing here?

A Princeton diploma and three years

In the Air Force put to good use.

Thank you, Daniel.

And 63 cents change.

Listen, Daniel, my computer

has crashed again.

Would you mind taking a look

When you get the chance?

Well, did you check and see if you just

kicked out the plug again?

It was kind of acting up

before that, though.

Thanks, soldier.

You know, when I first started,

he used to send me

to McDonald's every day.

Double quarter pounder with cheese,

hold the pickles.

Doesn't really bother me that much.

You won't be here in a year

If you keep on serving coffee to that prick.

Well, I like working with computers,

but to be honest,

the stuff that I'm doing here--

I'd rather do what you do at some point.

''This is the saddest

story I have ever heard.''

Thus begins the classic novel

The Good Soldier,

In one of the most memorable

first lines in modern fiction.

Well, that sounds

about as fun as date rape.

No kidding, I vote for Lolita.

Then it's sex with minors by a landslide.

Can we read

The Good Soldier next, though?

Can't we ever read something

With a happy ending?

This is New York City.

The only happy endings are in Chinatown.

- No offense.

- None taken. I'm Korean.

Are you really?

No. what's wrong with you people?

Have a good night, Tommy.

You too, Irv.

- Taxi?

- Donny. Yes, please.

For all the excitement and glamour,

Life in the big city

does have its downside.

I mean, if you thought

Wall Street was full of bullshitters,

you should try having

a relationship here.

And maybe it's like this

everywhere nowadays,

but it just feels like

a war zone here sometimes.

I know everyone has

some kind of a history.

It's not like I've always been a saint.

You know, I guess I just hoped things

Would be different with Beth.

You've been dating for two months

and you still haven't had sex?

You made Rich wait about two hours.

Maybe your first time

With him could be in Italy.

- You never know.

- Aw.

- That would be lovely.

- Cheesy.

What would you do if Rich left his wife?

Where did that come from?

Hi. I hope I'm not interrupting.

Oh, hey.

No, we were just

talking about shopping.

- Oh, I'm sure you were.

- Yeah.

You know Jordan.

This is Lisa, Susan, and Jill.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you.

Would you guys like

to go grab a drink with us?

- My treat?

- Oh, thanks, but we're

meeting my boyfriend Bill

and some of his friends.

From Facebook.

- Bye.

- He's adorable.

- Oh.

- He's hot. If you don't do him, I will.

- Okay.

- Bye, Tommy. Nice to meet you.

- Have fun.

- what was she whispering to you?

Maybe I'll tell you in Italy.

Do you think it means something

that we're both left-handed?

We'd only need one pair of scissors

If we moved in together.

Isn't it a little early to be talking

about sharing scissors?

Does it bother you that

I'm not doing anything...

amazing with my life?

There's plenty of time for that.

Yeah. I don't want to end up

Like my boss Cash, you know?

Like, almost 50,

nothing to show for it but a bad marriage

and an awesome set of golf clubs.

Yeah. My boss is 42 and she's never

been married or anything.

I don't think she's ever even been in love.

Have you?

I thought so.

But I think that when somebody turns out

to be completely different

than what you thought,

It doesn't really count.

What happened with

your last girlfriend?

Christie.

It just wasn't right.

You want to get that?

Yeah, no.

Thought he stopped calling.

He did. He started again.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes