The Funhouse Massacre

Synopsis: For humanity's own good, in a high-security, top-secret facility for the criminally insane, five of the world's most hideous and deranged killers are locked up without trial. Although this may be true, rather unexpectedly, a wide array of lunatics ranging from cannibalistic gourmets to maniacal dentists, and from demented hobbyists to psychotic clowns from hell and insane pious sinners, will escape making their way to Macon County Funhouse for its grand opening night. Soon, with the attraction's crew conveniently replaced by the gang of psychos, the unsuspecting customers who paid for thrills will witness a hack-hack, chop-chop realistic show that goes all the way.
Genre: Comedy, Horror
Director(s): Andy Palmer
Production: Petri Entertainment
  1 nomination.
Rotten Tomatoes:
90 min

Little late for visitors.

I apologize. I had an appointment

with Warden Kane hours ago.

Traffic was murderous.

You can have an appointment with me, darling.

Hello, Miss Quinn.

Uh, please,

excuse my guard's lack of manners.

Around these parts,

we don't get a lot of reporters

that look like... uh, please, come in.

We're already drawing enough heat down here.

And you want to go make things worse

by sexually harassing a journalist?

Once everybody knows about this place,

we'll probably all get shitcanned.

Who cares?

You boys okay?

Is there a problem?

Uh, no, no. No problem at all.

- I don't bite.

- Right. Yes.

Uh, well, uh...

Shall we get started?

Of course. Do you mind if I record this?

No, certainly not. Go right ahead.

I want everything to be by the book.

Uh, before we get started,

has anyone warned you about this place?

I don't scare easily, Mr. Kane.

But thank you for your concern.

Ah. Well, Miss, there are people here

that even God is afraid of.

I'm amazed you've been able

to keep a facility such as this

hidden for so long.

Well, most of the jobs

left this area years ago,

so there's not much reason for people

to venture down here any longer.

Although we do get the occasional

teenage devil worshippers,

but they're pretty easy to scare off.

On the record, why the secrecy?

Other facilities for

the criminally insane exist.

They don't hold people without trial.

What about their rights?

Well, if Gitmo can get away

with it, why shouldn't we?

These monsters, they're domestic terrorists.

As far as I'm concerned, they have no rights.

I mean, do you really believe

that out of the millions of

people in this country,

there aren't more than just

a handful of sickos, hmm?

I mean, Dahmer and Bundy and Gacy,

they're just the ones that got all the press.

Here, we house the ones

that you whisper about around the campfire.

So killing them.

Would that be the answer?

Off the record?

If I didn't have those

SOBs up in the state house

nosing around my business,

I'd put a bullet in each of their heads.

Welcome to no man's land, Miss Quinn.

This... This is what we call Supermax.

That is Jeffrey Ramseys.

Affectionately called Animal the Cannibal.

Probably heard the rumor of the famous chef

whose flank steak was to die for.

Turns out he was serving

customers to customers.

The, uh, scar,

it's from one meal who fought back.

His board of directors

from the restaurant chain

decided it might be bad for

business if people found out

he was literally serving people, so,

they arranged for Animal here to disappear.

Then there's Bradford Young.

Ladies nicknamed him Dr. Suave.

He was a dentist who believed that

not every tooth could be saved.

We'll get that toothache to stop.

Don't you worry.

Just relax. It's all gonna be fine.

That should do it.

No, no, no.

Who's this handsome fella?

Ah, that's Walter Harris,

A.K.A. The Taxidermist.

His specialty was birds.

The more exotic, the better.

You know, darling,

you're gonna make somebody a real nice wife.



He's a big boy.

Yes, he is.

Broke three of my guards arms, nearly

killed the only doctor we had out here.

They call him Rocco the Clown.

Was an underground wrestler

until he accidentally killed

one too many opponents in the ring.

They spun it that he was retiring

so he could go out undefeated.

Bye bye, Rocco.

And last but not least...

Manuel Dyer.

He prefers Manny the Prophet,

but since he's batshit crazy,

we just call him "Mental" Manny.

I've heard of him.

He's responsible for the largest

mass-suicide in history.

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Submitted on August 05, 2018


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"The Funhouse Massacre" STANDS4 LLC, 2020. Web. 23 Jan. 2020. <>.

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