The Fixer Uppers

Synopsis: Door-to-door greeting card salesmen Stanley and Oliver call upon Mrs. Pierre Gustave, a woman distraught over her husband's neglect. They agree to her plan to reclaim her husband's affection by making him jealous. But when Gustave arrives and finds his wife and Oliver in a tight embrace, he presents Oliver with his card and challenges him to a duel. The boys escape, but get drunk and pass out at a local cafe, and are returned to Gustave's apartment when the police find Gustave's card in Oliver's pocket. They awake (in Mrs. Gustave's bed) to find the enraged husband, pistol in hand.
Genre: Comedy, Short
 
IMDB:
7.3
NOT RATED
Year:
1935
21 min
10 Views

STAN AND HARDY:

IN:

THE FIXER UPPERS

Good morning, sir.

We're taking orders for Christmas cards.

I designed them myself

and my partner Mr. Laurel

wrote the beautiful verse.

- Swell.

- May I read you one?

- Read 'em.

- Thank you, sir.

"Twas Christmas Day in the poor house

"And the boys were feeling blue

"The boys in grey were fighting

"A merry Christmas to you"

And a happy New Year to you.

We have one here especially for the ladies.

"Jingle bells, jingle bells

coming through the rye

"I wish you a merry Christmas

even as you and I"

You took the very words out of my mouth.

- What's the matter with it?

- No cinnamon!

Ask if he's got a mother.

That generally gets them.

You ask him.

Did you ever have a mother?

Now you hit me.

That's fine. We have one here

dedicated to mothers.

- May I read it to you?

- Read it.

"Merry Christmas, Mother

"Merry Christmas, Ma

"Hi, Mommy-mommy

"and a hot cha-cha"

A beautiful thought.

I'll take one.

Come in.

Good morning, madam.

- What is your business?

- We're taking orders for Christmas cards.

- May we show you our display?

- No, thanks. I'm not interested.

Ask her if she's got a husband.

That gets them.

Pardon the presumption

but you have a husband, of course?

- Yes.

- Now you're right up our alley!

We have one here which I think

is one of Stanley's tenderest thoughts.

Listen to this.

"A merry Christmas, husband,

happy New Year's nigh

"I wish you Easter greetings,

hooray for the Fourth of July"

We call that our four-in-one card.

You can use it all the year round.

No, thanks. I'm still not interested.

Crying?

Did we say something to upset you?

- No.

- Well, what are you crying for?

Oh... you wouldn't be

interested in my troubles.

Why, on the contrary.

I know exactly how you feel.

If you wish to confide in me,

I will leave no stone unturned

to lighten your burden.

Won't you tell me?

Did someone hurt your feelings?

Is it another man?

Did you lose your job?

So you won't talk, huh?

- Did you lose something?

- Yes.

I'm afraid I've lost my husband's affections.

Oh, he still loves me but he doesn't give me

the thoughtful attentions he used to.

If there was just some way

I could bring him to his senses,

make him realise his neglect of me.

You know what? I knew a woman once

that had a case just like yours

but you know what she did?

She got a fella to make love to her

in front of her husband

and it made the husband jealous.

- Then what happened?

- Well... Eh?

- So what?

- Well, when the husband got jealous

his wife knew that he was in love with her

just because he was jealous.

If he hadn't have been jealous,

he wouldn't have paid any attention

to the fella that made him jealous, see?

What'd the husband do?

Go out and shoot the other fella?

No. When the husband found out

he was so pleased that he was jealous,

he took his wife and kissed her

and they went out again

and got married all over

and then he kissed her again...

Just a minute.

What happened to the other fellow?

When the husband found out

he was jealous,

he was so pleased

that the fella had made him jealous

he gave the fella a lot of money

because he'd made him jealous

and they all lived happy ever after.

That's a splendid idea.

Why don't you do that?

I think I will. Will you help me?

- I'm sorry, I can't...

- Oh, please do.

And I'll give you $50.

$50?

Will it take long

to make your husband jealous?

- Not more than a day.

- That's a lot of money for one day.

You can do it cheaper by the week.

Please help me! It means so much to me.

Pardon me just a minute.

Rate this script:(0.00 / 0 votes)

Unknown

The writer of this screenplay is unknown. more…

All Unknown scripts | Unknown Scripts

FAVORITE (0 fans)

Submitted on August 05, 2018

Translation

Translate and read this script in other languages:

Select another language:

  • - Select -
  • Chinese - Simplified 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
  • Chinese - Traditional 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
  • Spanish Español (Spanish)
  • Esperanto Esperanto (Esperanto)
  • Japanese 日本語 (Japanese)
  • Portuguese Português (Portuguese)
  • German Deutsch (German)
  • Arabic العربية (Arabic)
  • French Français (French)
  • Russian Русский (Russian)
  • Kannada ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
  • Korean 한국어 (Korean)
  • Hebrew עברית (Hebrew)
  • Ukrainian Український (Ukrainian)
  • Urdu اردو (Urdu)
  • Hungarian Magyar (Hungarian)
  • Hindi मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
  • Indonesian Indonesia (Indonesian)
  • Italian Italiano (Italian)
  • Tamil தமிழ் (Tamil)
  • Turkish Türkçe (Turkish)
  • Telugu తెలుగు (Telugu)
  • Thai ภาษาไทย (Thai)
  • Vietnamese Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
  • Czech Čeština (Czech)
  • Polish Polski (Polish)
  • Indonesian Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
  • Romanian Românește (Romanian)
  • Dutch Nederlands (Dutch)
  • Greek Ελληνικά (Greek)
  • Latin Latinum (Latin)
  • Swedish Svenska (Swedish)
  • Danish Dansk (Danish)
  • Finnish Suomi (Finnish)
  • Persian فارسی (Persian)
  • Yiddish ייִדיש (Yiddish)
  • Armenian հայերեն (Armenian)
  • Norwegian Norsk (Norwegian)
  • English English (English)

Discuss this The Fixer Uppers script with the community:

Citation

Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:

Style:MLAChicagoAPA

"The Fixer Uppers" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 19 Sep. 2019. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_fixer_uppers_8290>.

We need you!

Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

Watch the movie trailer

The Fixer Uppers

The Marketplace:

Sell your Script !

Get listed in the most prominent screenplays collection on the web!


The Studio:

ScreenWriting Tool

Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.


Thanks for your vote! We truly appreciate your support.