The Experiment

---

- You suck, Gertrude.

- You suck.

Yeah, I suck so bad I just skunked you.

Which means, you gotta eat your pills.

- You're supposed to be nice to me.

- I am nice to you.

- It's not my fault you got no game.

- You suck, Travis.

I know.

Hey there, Travis.

- I'll check on you later.

- All right.

Travis,

you've been talking about seeing the world

the whole time you've been here.

Think of it as an opportunity to

finally fulfill that.

- Well, then you're firing me.

- Not firing, laying off.

And I'm not laying you off,

the state is laying you off.

All these budget cuts.

They're clear-cutting the part-time positions.

This has nothing to do with you.

My advice, Travis, go see the world.

Get that out of your system

like you've always wanted.

Maybe you come back,

they may be hiring again.

- Home! Bring them home!

- Home! Bring them home!

- Bring them home!

- Bring them home!

- Bring them home! Bring them home!

- Bring them home! Bring them home!

- Bring them home! Bring them home!

- Bring them home! Bring them home!

- I can't believe they fired me yesterday.

- Come on, man. It was a nursing home.

- It's a retirement home.

- Yeah, that's what I said. A nursing home.

It's better for the world than insurance.

- Hey, I'm carrying a sign, aren't I?

- Great.

Listen, not to get new-agey or nothing,

but I think this is something that

was supposed to happen to you, you know?

Force you out of your comfort zone,

make you mix it up a little bit.

- I don't need to mix it up, I need to get paid.

- Get innovative then, man.

Don't tell me you don't know how to do that.

Back in college when you were

doing all that test subject sh*t.

Selling your sperm.

I never sold my sperm.

'Cause nobody in their right mind

would pay for a piece of those genes.

You know what?

Whoever said peace rallies is

where the action is, doesn't know sh*t.

- This is a f***ing dyke-fest.

- Not all of them.

No. Not happening.

What's happening?

- Hey. Hey!

- I got friends out there, you son of a b*tch!

- F***ing liberal p*ssy!

- Enough.

- Get your f***ing hands off me, man.

- Enough! Enough!

Guys like me go over there

and die for a living.

- Hey!

- Tee off, go ahead.

It's your issue, man. It's your issue, man.

Not mine.

Come on.

- Hypocrite!

- Let's go.

F***ing hypocrite! Go on!

Spread all your lies!

You got a captive audience,

you f***ing hippie liberal!

Go on,

with all your propaganda and diatribes.

Thanks.

- You okay?

- Yeah, you?

I'm all right.

My dad sat me down

and had me watch Red Dawn

so that I would understand

just how bad things would get

if the Communists took over.

I sort of dug that flick.

Then it was narco-traffickers,

Islamo-Fascists.

Bad guys just keep changing their faces

and we keep going to war.

- And then...

- We keep protesting.

- United we stand.

- Cheers.

This is a big moment, Travis.

You've just witnessed

the last anti-war diatribe

- the world's ever gonna hear from me.

- Wow.

You know what I've realized?

Real war's in here.

You just figured that out?

No, I've known it for a while.

- But I'm finally gonna do something about it.

- And what's that?

I'm going to India.

I figure I'll do some yoga,

some time in an ashram,

have sex with my guru.

We'll both agree afterwards that

it was a mistake, of course.

Of course.

Maybe you should go. We could meet up.

Well, a trip like that

would be a pretty penny,

- which I don't got.

- Could knock over a liquor store.

I think I could come up with something

slightly more legit.

Such as?

You don't wanna know.

I think I can handle it.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes