The Curse of Downers Grove

1

Are you kidding me?

Whoever named

this town "Downers Grove"

had a sick sense of humor.

The suburbs are the ghettos

of the meaningless...

...unless your town

has its very own curse,

where a senior dies each year

the week before graduation.

Now that suddenly gives

your town instant meaning.

You asked for it and more!

102.3.

A beautiful

sunny day here in Illinois,

a whopping 88 degrees.

Summer around the bend.

Got a big shout out

to all our seniors

at Downers Grove High School.

One week to graduation.

Make it count.

Don't get caught up in the curse.

Ha ha!

We're gonna keep playing

all the hits.

Your hit music channel.

Only the best music.

Hey.

What's he doing?

Whoo!

Danny, come on!

Yeah, yeah!

Sh*t.

It's the f***ing curse.

It's only as few days

before graduation,

and the curse

hasn't happened yet.

Maybe it won't happen this year.

Maybe all the other accidents

are just a coincidence.

Hut!

At last year's sob fest,

the class president read a poem

that went something like,

"Don't try to understand everything

because some things

don't make sense."

But I can't help wondering

if the curse could be real.

The tall swarthy astronaut-type

is why mom dragged us here.

It's a bummer having a single

mother who's miserable.

So if astronaut-guy makes

her happy, astronaut-guy it is.

I mean,

come out of the suffering

and problems that you face in life

brought on because

of the choices that you make.

You simply reap what you sow.

Whoa!

No one said a word about Rich

the whole way over,

and I... I would...

I would like your opinion.

Well, he isn't a meth addict.

Can I go now?

Sure.

Mom, I like him.

He seems nice, and I can tell

he really likes you.

I think he does. Thank you.

My angel.

I like him, too.

Who knows what Rich

has on his filthy,

repressed religious mind.

Cut him some slack.

He's taking her to Vegas.

Be happy or fake it.

I checked his Match.com profile.

- He enjoys frisky women.

- I don't wanna hear this.

And one day hopes to host

his own reality show.

Let's hope for the best.

Okay, so you've got all

the information. We're at the...

Mandalay Bay

and you'll be back Friday.

Okay.

I never left you alone before,

so please, please,

please tell me not worry.

It is about that time the curse

of Downer's Grove rolls in.

My God.

I didn't even think of that.

Mom, the curse is complete B.S.

We'll be fine.

Go. Have a good time.

Okay. God, I love you guys.

My angels!

Come here.

No drumming after 7:00.

Wish me luck.

How do I look?

Is it okay?

Okay, Dave, you don't have

to hear this part.

I love you guys.

Okay?

Hey, Chrissie!

There's your stalker boyfriend.

Stop it.

- He's harmless.

- He totally likes you.

For the zillionth time,

her room's all pink and lace

and sh*t. Not your type.

Do you really think

I'm interested in her room?

What am I,

an interior decorator?

You misread me completely

sometimes.

Did I just pass your mom

and her new dude?

- For an older guy, he's not bad.

- I totally agree.

Drop it. Diner?

And you're looking

exceptionally hot, Tracy.

And you're looking

exceptionally 15, Dave.

I think it's adorable

that you like me all the same.

Has she seen

our Facebook page yet?

I don't think so.

I would've heard, so, no.

Cool.

I'll be jamming here later,

if you wanna hang or whatever.

Why are we going this way?

Diner's in the other direction.

I thought you might want to see

if grease boy was still working.

His name's Bobby.

What? How do you know?

Because I asked him.

When?

First semester, when the brakes

on my mom's car went,

I was sitting in the shop

waiting, and we got to talking.

Why didn't you tell me?

I see.

You gave it up to him

in some hot steamy love pit

out back, didn't you?

You have to ask

why I didn't tell you?

You guys have been at it

like bunnies.

No. Nothing happened.

We're friends.

- With benefits?

- No.

Not even minimal benefits?

Not unless you count giving

my mom a discount a benefit.

So wait, hold on.

What's he like?

Actually, he defies the clich

of townie mechanic.

He's smart, ambitious.

He can reassemble an engine

in a day.

Why would anyone

want to do that?

Just drive.

That's his car.

Dude, that's a lime green

f***ing muscle car.

So? I like that about him.

It's unique.

So you already broke the ice

and then some?

Ruthless withholder!

What am I supposed to do with

this battery in my backseat?

You lost me.

I was supposed to take it

to the recycling center,

but then I selflessly thought,

"Hey, wouldn't this be

a nice opportunity

for Chrissie to meet her crush?

Ask him to help

with the battery..."

Apparently I'm out of the loop.

You gave it up to him

in some hot steamy love pit

out back, didn't you?

He's totally your first, isn't he?

You raging 'ho.

Why the hell didn't you...

I bet it's gonna be

Matt Goldberg or James Rocchi.

I have a weird feeling.

Plus they're super secret

Internet pervs

into underage sh*t

that'd make you puke.

Total sinners

and begging to be punished.

I bet Lauren Solomon.

B*tch.

What are you doing?

Trying to work out who's next.

Did you ever think

maybe there'll be no next?

After so many in a row?

There's gotta be a next.

Says who?

Well, the curse.

So you spoke to the curse?

Chrissie, ever since '04,

a senior's died

right before graduation.

'05, Nina Golden

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