The Cottage

Synopsis: In a remote part of the countryside, a bungled kidnapping turns into a living nightmare for four central characters when they cross paths with a psychopathic farmer and all hell breaks loose.
Genre: Comedy, Crime, Horror
Production: Screen Gems
  4 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
92 min

We're going to go to hell for this.

Shut up.

It's freezing in here.

Jump up and down a bit.

You know how

temperature-sensitive I am, David.

In actual driven miles,

I think this is the furthest away

I've been from Rebecca

since we got married.

I'm sure she'll survive.

Well, I don't feel comfortable

lying to her like this.

I know you're used to a...

I know you're used

to a world of deception.

Our relationship

relies on a bond of trust.

Do you want some tea?

Yes, please.

Can you get the milk from the car?

How many sugars?

Shows how often you've made me tea.

Give it a rest.

You're doing my head in.

I'm just pointing out facts, David.

Just get the milk from the car, please.

Christ, what are you doing

frightening me?

Aren't you forgetting something?

Oh, yeah.

Well, I'm not used to this, am I?

How many times

do I have to fucking tell you?

She all right?

Still unconscious.

That's chloroform for you.

It's freezing out there,

so if I may make a suggestion,

I think we should bring her in

so she doesn't die of pneumonia.

Look, Peter, we've just got here.

I am very tired.

We are not in Iceland,

and she is not going to die of...

What have you put that back on for?

Because I'm cold.

I don't want to talk to your eyes.

Take it off.

You're not the boss of me.

Where the f*ck are you, please?

Get rid of it.


Oh, shit, yeah.

You don't like moths, do you?

Get rid of it now,

or I'm bloody going.

I didn't say kill it.

What do you want me

to do with it, adopt it?

I think I'd like to ring Rebecca now.

It's a good time.

Because you've seen a moth?

No, we like to let

each other know we're okay.

That's what you do

in a serious relationship.

No, it's called reporting in.

That's what you do

when you're under a very fat thumb.

I'm not under a thumb.

It's not fat, either.

The reason why I'm ringing her now

is she'll be putting Amy to bed

and it'll go to the answering machine.

I don't want her asking questions.

I don't like lying.

Don't be all day.

I don't remember putting

a time limit on your calls.

This is my fucking phone.

- You always were selfish.

- Where's your phone?

- In my car.

- Why?

Because it's my work phone.

It's in my work car.

Did you forget your phone?

- My work phone.

- Idiot.

What did you call me?

Idiot. You are a bald idiot.

Well, I'd rather be slightly thinning

than a friendless mockney-phile.

I cannot wait

till I never have to see your...

Hi, darling,

I'm just calling to check in.

Everything's okay my end...

apart from being really cold.

Anyway, I'll try you again later on.

Give baby Amy a kiss for me.

Love you lots.

Yes, I blew her a kiss.


Listen, if she's asleep,

I suggest we be as quiet as possible

so we keep her that way.

Can I hold the legs?

Come on.

I really don't like it out here, David.

Hurry up and get inside, then.

Wait, wait, I have to have a rest.

Come on, we're only

three steps from the top.

I'm not as strong as you, David.

Okay, go on.


I'll see if the keys are downstairs.

Don't drop her.

Get your hands off me!

Fucking bastard!

Get off,

you fucking pervert!

You fucking cunt!

You only had to hold her up.

What the f*ck were you doing?!

I think she's broken my nose.

Yeah, that is well and truly busted.

What the hell am I going to do?

It really hurts!

You should have been

concentrating, then.

I bet... I bet you

were looking at her tits.

I was not!

She head-butted me repeatedly!

I've never been head-butted

by anyone before in my life!

Well, you have now.

Please help me,

I'm in a lot of pain!

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Paul Andrew Williams

Paul Andrew Williams is a British film writer and director, born in Portsmouth, England in 1973. He won the New Director's Award for his film London to Brighton in the 2006 Edinburgh International Film Festival. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "The Cottage" STANDS4 LLC, 2020. Web. 25 Oct. 2020. <>.

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