The Comedy of Terrors

Synopsis: Waldo Trumbull, an undertaker who hasn't had any 'customers' in a long time is forced the pay one year's back-rent. To get money he starts to kill people in order to get new clients.
Genre: Comedy, Horror
Director(s): Jacques Tourneur
Production: American International Picture
 
IMDB:
6.8
Rotten Tomatoes:
88%
NOT RATED
Year:
1963
84 min
Website
14 Views

My dear wife, as the

ancient saying goes...

"In wine is truth!"

Insincerity, the mark

of a drunkard!

If you could or would

for one brief moment...

shut that vast,

resounding chasm...

of a mouth, I should

be grateful, madam.

What care you for

the deprivations...

I have suffered in

the name of marriage?

O mariage de convenance.

O cant, O guile, O mockery!

Oh, shut up.

Oh, how can you insult me so?

Very easily, madam.

I have but to listen

to your fatuous brain.

Do you hear his

churlish insults, Father?

Father!

Huh? What? What?

Sugar? Yes, here you are.

Oh, whatever possessed

me to marry you?

That is a question I oft

inquire of myself, madam...

to which there is no

satisfactory answer...

save one, perhaps, and that is

that no one else would have you.

Only a man who drinks

could talk like that.

We escape the unendurable

however we can.

How I despise you!

Poor, abused Amaryllis.

You never cared a fig for me.

You only courted me to gain

control of father's business.

What other reason

could there be?

Oh! Did you hear that?

Does he ever?

Father!

Huh? What? Huh?

I gave the sugar to you once.

There!

Shall I give him some medicine?

Pretty close.

Merely for purposes of

enlightenment, Mr. Trumbull.

I could have been the greatest

opera singer in the world.

What world?

Would the vocal emissions

of a laryngitic crow...

be qualifications?

Yes, then, perhaps,

you could have been.

What know you of art and beauty?

Tosspot, soak, inebriate!

Your mouth, madam.

Shut it!

Anybody could be proud

to rest in this coffin.

You can't even keep

our heads above water!

Why, you've only had one

customer in the past 9 months.

My father had a thriving

undertaking business...

until you proceeded

to get ahold of it...

and run it into the ground!

Where else?

A thriving business.

The receipts of which he used...

to cram this house

with monstrosities!

If my father chose to spend

his hard-earned profits...

in the collection

of curious objects...

He did more than collect

curious objects, madam.

He also fathered one.

I despise you!

Demon rum will get you yet!

I look forward to that day with

keen anticipation, madam.

Oh, what I wouldn't do to get

her down here as a customer.

Good afternoon, Mr. Tremble.

Trumbull!

Will you learn to pronounce

my name correctly?

I said Mr. Tremble.

What in the name of all

that's holy is that thing?

This?

This is the new coffin.

I don't like to see

anybody buried naked.

I don't... I just don't...

No one in their right mind would

be caught dead in that thing.

My coffin.

How gratifying, Mr. Gillie...

to have a master craftsman

in one's employ.

Well, I'm going out

and drink myself...

into a state of stupefaction.

Mr. Trumbull.

Oh, how do you do, Mr. Black?

How nice to see you, sir.

That remains to be seen, sir.

Now if you'll excuse me, I

have a singularly pressing...

A boon, sir.

A trifling matter of

a year's rent in arrears.

Has it been a year?

Each and every unpaid day of it.

Well, what do you

know about that?

And much as I regret

to dun you, dear sir...

it is unhappily

incumbent upon me...

as owner of these premises...

to regard your monetary

dereliction as...

shall we say, inconvenient

to my purposes.

Oh, well, now I...

So vastly inconvenient,

one might add...

that should the debt

remain outstanding...

for as much as 24 hours more...

I fear that... legal

machinery must...

perforce, be set in motion.

And Messrs. Hinchley

and Trumbull...

face the incommodious

prospect...

of taking up residence

in the street.

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Richard Matheson

Richard Burton Matheson (February 20, 1926 – June 23, 2013) was an American author and screenwriter, primarily in the fantasy, horror, and science fiction genres. He is best known as the author of I Am Legend, a 1954 science fiction horror vampire novel that has been adapted for the screen four times, as well as the movie Somewhere In Time for which Matheson wrote the screenplay, based on his novel Bid Time Return. Matheson also wrote 16 television episodes of The Twilight Zone, including "Nightmare at 20,000 Feet" and "Steel". He adapted his 1971 short story "Duel" as a screenplay directed by a young Steven Spielberg, for the television film of the same name that year. Seven more of his novels or short stories have been adapted as major motion pictures — The Shrinking Man, Hell House, What Dreams May Come, Bid Time Return (filmed as Somewhere in Time), A Stir of Echoes, Steel (filmed as Real Steel), and Button, Button. Lesser movies based on his work include two from his early noir novels — Cold Sweat, based on his novel Riding the Nightmare, and Les seins de glace (Icy Breasts), based on his novel Someone is Bleeding. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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"The Comedy of Terrors" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 15 Nov. 2019. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_comedy_of_terrors_19954>.

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