The Cleanse

---

1

[]

The winter months

Were so much fun

For April's fool

From snowball fights

To skating on

A frozen pool

[RAIN PATTERING]

Her nose so cold and wet

I like to bow...

[THUNDER RUMBLES]

[TRUCK RUMBLES]

[SONG CONTINUES PLAYING

ON RADIO INDISTINCTLY]

[CHEWING LOUDLY]

Mmm.

Mmm.

That looks good.

It's a hot dog, yeah?

Yeah.

[LAUGHING]

Man, I can't even...

Can't even see the hot dog

in that hot dog, right?

[CHUCKLES]

[CHEWING LOUDLY]

[CLEARS THROAT]

Hey.

You know what

you want, hon?

Um. Almost.

Uh...

It's been a while.

Do you remember me?

Well, I get a lot of people

in here, so...

Right. Right.

You look a little thinner

a couple of years ago?

I kinda remember

a couple coming in here a lot.

That was, um...

That was my fiance.

We used to...

I don't think

I've gained weight, though.

WAITRESS:
Maybe it

was someone else.

[LAUGHING] My memory's

shot to shit, hon.

[LAUGHING WHEEZILY]

Has it really been

that long?

So are you waiting

for someone, or...?

No, it's just me.

MAN 1 [ON TV]:
...when you

look down, and you realize

there's no phone

in your pocket.

MAN 2 [ON TV]:

That happens all the time.

MAN 1:
Right? Now, did you know

that sensation

actually has a name?

Scientists call it

phantom vibration.

You feel like

your phone is vibrating,

but it's actually not.

It's just your body...

[ADS POPPING]

MAN 2:
It's crazy. I didn't

know there was a name for that.

MAN 1:
Well, not only

is there a name...

- [WOMAN MOANING]

- [BANGING]

[SLAPPING]

[PAUL SIGHS]

[DINGING ON TV]

DEAN [ON TV]:
Boy, you really

lucked out tonight, Heather.

HEATHER [ON TV]:

Thank you so much.

DEAN:

She had a good time.

And I hope you did too.

We'll see you next time.

[CHOIR VOCALIZING

ON TV]

[SNORTS]

WOMAN [ON TV]:
Are you

searching for something?

Is baggage

weighing you down?

Wish you could restart?

Well, now you can.

And guess

how much it costs.

Absolutely nothing.

It's free.

Join us on a retreat

to one of the most beautiful

and remote places

in the country

as you try

a brand-new program

guaranteed to rid

the negative toxins

from your life.

Isn't it time?

Visit LetsGetPure.com

and face your demons today.

[GROANS]

[]

[TV PLAYING

INDISTINCTLY]

[COMPUTER PRINTER

WHIRRING]

MAN [ON TV]:
Now, that's

what I like to see!

Some of that good

St. Patrick's Day spirit!

[ELEVATOR DINGS,

DOORS OPEN]

[ELEVATOR DOORS CLOSE]

Okay, everybody. Who's ready

to change their lives today?

MAN:
Good, because

if you're not ready,

there's the door.

Go on, you can leave

if you like.

Okay.

Now, you've all heard

of the lemon-cleanse diet.

It was designed back

in the 1980s to help the body

rid itself

of negative toxins.

Those... Those things

that prevent

the body

from doing its job.

It originated with Ken Roberts

and his best-selling book,

The Purification

of the Lemon Cleanser.

MAN:
The lemon cleanser has caught

on like wildfire in recent years.

In fact, some of your favorite

celebrities have done it.

But Mr. Roberts

felt he could do better.

Now I want you all

to close your eyes and relax.

Think about that pain

you felt.

That deep pain

that prevents you

from getting ahead in life.

WOMAN:

We need to know that pain.

MAN:

Keep thinking.

WOMAN:

Keep thinking.

MAN:

Keep thinking.

[BREATHING DEEPLY]

WOMAN:

And open.

[EXHALES HEAVILY]

Now...

who wants to share

their pain first?

Yes, thank you.

One sec, here we go.

WOMAN:

Oh, uh...

Mr. Roberts just wants to get

a good look at you.

Heh, heh.

Uh. So, uh, this, uh,

one time, I...

Uh, posted on Facebook

Rate this script:(0.00 / 0 votes)