The Belle of New York

---

And your heart bobs around like a cork

When you're out

With the belle of Mew Yorh

- There she is.

- Well, what are you all doing here?

- Don't be loitering. Get moving.

- What is the word, men?

- Fight.

- Right.

Oh, Mrs. Hill, I thought you were

in Washington, I didn't know...

- Hello, Angela.

- I finished my work a day earlier.

How was Washington?

Did you see our congressman?

Oh, yes.

And Angela, he was so handsome.

Did you get his consent?

The belle of New York.

A fine title

for somebody in our type of work.

Oh, it's only their way of showing

their love for our welfare house.

Amazing how they've grown to love

our welfare house since you've grown.

Miss Wilkins.

Well, the important thing

is they do come here.

But that look in their eyes.

Not exactly the right kind of look

for men who are seeking guidance...

...you know what I mean?

Yes, I know what you mean.

If it weren't for your parents

who built this welfare house...

...I'd advise you

to choose some other type of career.

Oh, but, Mrs. Hill

this has been my home. 'my life.

And I've tried so hard to equip myself

for this kind of work.

If you ask me, it's your equipment

that's causing all the...

Miss Wilkins.

Something has to be done.

For the time being, I think it'd be

better if Ms. Wilkins sang the solo.

The solo?

But, Mrs. Hill...

Oh, it's not your fault, Angela.

If you were only a little plainer.

- If you don't look so...

- So...?

Well, if you only would look

a little more so-so than so.

- Miss Wilkins, Miss Wilkins.

- Yes, Mrs. Hill?

- Save your song for the meeting.

- Yes.

- You do know the song, don't you?

- Oh, indeed.

And, Mrs. Hill, don't worry.

While I'm singing.

I'll try to look real plain.

Yes, dear.

Angela.

- Angela, Angela, I haven't seen you since...

- Gilfred, please.

Gilfred, you're getting that

moo-cow quality in your voice again.

And that's exactly the thing

I'm trying to discourage.

Good afternoon, gentlemen. Please.

Now, those of you seeking true guidance

may quietly enter.

Flowers for the fairest

flower of them all.

Friends, it's most gratifying

to see so many of you here tonight.

The fact that you have chosen

to spend your time here...

...in these surroundings...

...is proof that you have forsaken

your former hangouts...

...those environments of sin

and temptation.

We are proud

of the great number of you...

...who have deserted the evil

of wine, women and song...

...to embrace the virtues of

clean living and hard work.

Yes, men, this is the life.

This is the life.

Friends, it is most gratifying...

...to see many of you here tonight

at my bachelor dinner.

And even though

I'm getting married tomorrow...

...I'll always remember

this old gang of mine.

To you, my best pals.

- Oh, Charlie.

- To you!

- And now, to the bride.

- Oh, yes.

To Dixie "Dead Shot" McCoy.

the bride-to-be.

May she not be left waiting at the church

like the other five who tried to be.

Charlie, how do you get all the women

to fall in love with you?

Yes, Charlie, how do you do it?

Well, it's nothing, really.

I just wait at the stage door

with a bag of peanuts.

Peanuts? What kind?

Just peanuts. Then I present them

to the young lady and I say:

"Here, they're for you.

I only wish they were diamonds. "

Next thing I know, I'm engaged.

- How cute.

- How adorable.

- How nauseating.

- Max.

Charles, I wanna talk to you.

- Oh, no. Don't go.

- Not tonight, Charlie.

- Now, listen, I'm your lawyer, right?

- Right.

- You're my biggest client.

- I'm your only client.

Right. Now, as your lawyer.

let me ask you one question.

When your dear aunt finds out

about your blushing bride...

...this human shooting gallery...

...what do you suppose she will say?

For a while, nothing.

And her silence

will be positively profane.

- She'll kick me out without a penny.

- And I'll starve to death.

Well, Charlie, I've got to help you.

I mean, you're my best friend.

- I'm your only friend.

- Well, exactly.

I can't afford to let you do something

I'll be sorry for, now, can I?

- Oh, we want a speech. Come on.

- Yes, dear.

Well, there's nothing I can say

except goodbye...

...and farewell to my bachelor days.

So...

Who wants to kiss the bridegroom

On his last night out?

Next time they bring champagne on

I'll have the ball and chain on

Yes, ladies, I must leave you

I regret to say

I've bought the ring

This little fling

Will have to be our last soiree

Because they're putting me away

And tomorrow is the happy day

I'll be the starry-eyed groom

By high noon, no doubt

So who wants to kiss the bridegroom

On his last night out?

Who wants to kiss the bridegroom

On his last night out?

Next time they bring champagne on

He'll have the ball and chain on

Yes, ladies, I must leave you

I regret to say

I've bought the ring

This little fling

Will have to be our last soiree

Because they're putting me away

And tomorrow is the happy day

Oh, he'll be a starry-eyed groom

By high noon, no doubt

So who wants to kiss the bridegroom

On his last night out?

Oh, Charles.

Stop this. Stop it at once.

Get down off that table.

All of you. And get out of here!

Go on, shoo. Get out of my house.

Go on, shoo. Get out of my house.

Charles!

What's the meaning of this?

Who is that unclad creature?

And what are those obscene remarks

she's making?

- It's not obscene, it's French.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes