The Band Wagon

THE BAND WAGON:

Yes, ladies and gentlemen,

we are in luck today here in Los Angeles.

Through the years,

the Bullwinkle Galleries...

have brought up for auction...

many collections of the personal effects

of your famous movie stars.

AUCTION SALE:

But today is indeed a red-letter day.

The personal effects of Tony Hunter!

Lot 94.

Ladies and gentlemen,

let's start out with Lot 94.

Some of the potpourri

of Mr. Hunter's own personal costumes...

that he used in his famous

dancing-singing pictures.

Remember this?

Perhaps the most famous top hat...

and stick of our generation.

Yes, the one he used

in Swinging Down to Panama...

and all his other famous pictures.

Let's start with $5. Do I hear $5?

It's worth a lot more.

All right. Let's start with $2.

Well? 50 cents?

Anything?

Just one more for the road.

About 20 minutes to New York.

Bottoms up.

- So you're from California?

- That's right. Sunny Cal.

- Sunny Cal?

- Yeah. Sunny Cal.

Say, you're from Sunny Cal. I bet

you know a lot of movie stars out there.

I got to confess. I'm just like you and me.

Only get to see them in the movies.

But I read about them.

I know all about them.

Boy, I'd sure like to meet

that Ava Gardner.

- You're a little late. She's married.

- Yeah.

- You know this one?

- Who's that?

- Tony Hunter.

- Oh, him. The singing-dancing fella.

My wife used to go see all his pictures.

Almost broke up our home.

"Tony Hunter! Tony Hunter!"

He was good 12 or 15 years ago...

but the columnists out there

say he's through.

Through? He's washed up.

Hasn't made a picture in three years.

- Did you say something, mister?

- I said I agreed with you.

That Tony Hunter's a has-been.

- Got a match?

- Yeah.

I wouldn't go to see him

if they gave away $5 bills with the ticket.

Yeah.

We should be pulling...

The funny thing about what you're saying,

boys, is that it's absolutely true.

Here. Have an exploding cigar.

- This the last of the bags, Mr. Hunter?

- Yeah.

Say, porter, could you see that

they get put in a taxi...

- and taken up to the Plaza Hotel?

- Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

Everybody's getting off, sir.

If you don't mind,

I'll just sit for a minute or two.

You couldn't just make up my berth

for the night here, could you?

No, sir. I couldn't do that.

There's a mob of reporters

and photographers out there.

Yep. There must be some big shot aboard.

Maybe the President.

No, too many for that.

Probably a movie star.

- Hi, fellas.

- Tony Hunter! Hello, Mr. Hunter!

Thanks for the red-carpet bit.

I didn't expect it.

- What brings you to New York?

- Just fooling around and relaxing.

- Between pictures, Tony?

- In a manner of speaking.

Didn't I read something in Variety

about you going into a show?

Lily and Les Marton had something

planned for me. I haven't decided yet.

I haven't been on the stage in a long time.

And you get into a different medium.

- What it actually is...

- Here she is, fellas!

- Excuse me, Mr. Hunter.

- See you later, Tony.

Hi, Miss Gardner.

Miss Gardner, hold it, please?

Smile pretty. Thanks.

- How long you going to be in town?

- I have no definite plans. I thought...

Tony! I had no idea you were on the train.

This is a surprise.

You going to be here long?

- Perhaps a week or two...

- Excuse me, Miss Gardner.

Could the boys get one more shot of you

coming out the door?

Honestly, isn't all this stuff an awful bore?

- Good to see you, Tony.

- It's nice to see you.

By the door, please, Miss Gardner.

Once more! Here we go! Thank you.

Miss Gardner, my paper would like

to do a Sunday feature on you.

Those poor movie stars. People just

won't let them alone, will they?

No. I don't know how they stand it.

I'll go my way by myself

like walking under the clouds

I'll go my way by myself

all alone in a crowd

I'll try to apply myself

and teach my heart how to sing

I'll go my way by myself

like a bird on the wing

I'll face the unknown

I'll build a world of my own

No one knows better than I, myself

I'm by myself alone

Tony Hunter! There's Tony Hunter!

HI TONY - WELCOME TONY

TONY HUNTER FAN CLUB

Did you kids paint those signs just for me?

That's cute. Piggy.

Let's get rid of this stuff.

This is the biggest surprise I've had.

- Mister, can I have your autograph?

- You certainly can, gal, come here!

That's my wife. Let go.

Don't worry.

I'll get around to you in a minute.

- Who's he?

- Never saw him before in my life.

- Hello, piggy!

- Hello, yourself, you two-headed creep!

Why didn't you say

when you were coming?

We had to ask your agent.

- Why didn't you send us a wire?

- I wanted to sneak in quietly.

Believe me, I didn't have any trouble.

I want to see if you've changed in a year.

No, Les, you haven't changed a bit.

You look desperately ill, as usual.

- What'd you have to say that for?

- Just kidding.

I've been feeling terrible all day.

Kind of faint, light-headed,

a lot of pressure here, queasy inside...

- my pulse...

- You look great.

As for you, that New York pallor

is like a breath of fresh air.

You're too pretty to be a successful writer

and much too pretty to be married to that.

That's the prettiest compliment

I've had all day!

Come on, you two-headed lovebirds,

there's work to be done!

- Now I have here a script of a show!

- Les, you didn't bring it.

It's great. It's the best thing

we've ever written.

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