The American Astronaut

Synopsis: Space travel has become a dirty way of life dominated by derelicts, grease monkeys, thieves, and hard-boiled interplanetary traders such as Samuel Curtis, an astronaut from Earth who deals in a rare goods, living or otherwise. His mission begins with the unlikely delivery of a cat to a small outer-belt asteroid saloon where he meets his former dance partner, and renowned interplanetary fruit thief, the Blueberry Pirate. As payment for his delivery of the cat, Curtis receives a homemade cloning device already in the process of creating a creature most rare in this space quadrant... a Real Live Girl. At the suggestion of the Blueberry Pirate, Curtis takes the Real Live Girl to Jupiter where women have long been a mystery. There, he proposes a trade with the owner of Jupiter: the Real Live Girl clone for the Boy Who Actually Saw A Woman's Breast. The Boy Who Actually Saw A Woman's Breast is regarded as royalty on the all-male mining planet of Jupiter because of his unique and exotic conta
Director(s): Cory McAbee
  2 wins & 2 nominations.
91 min

It is necessary...

a criteria...

or asteroids.

between Mars and Jupiter.

fragmented planetlsmals began In...


several hundred slzable boulders...

merry-go-round of primordlal debris...


regulariy charted and observed...

convenlent locatlon and avallablllty...

for a drinklng establlshment...

or bar If you wlll.

"The Ceres Crossroads".

frequented by roughnecks...

story began.

The story of how I became a father.

And oh yeah, it's my birthday.


Eddy speaklng.

Eddy, Samuei Curtis.|I just ianded...

It was great.

Can you dig me out and|set me up for fiight?

Sure. Dld you bring the cat?

Yeah. I got him. His name is|Monkey Puss.

I want to name hlm Oscar.

That wasn't so bad. Was it, Monkey?|Eddy, you got something for me, right??

Oh, yeah.

Okay. I'ii be in in a bit.

Okay. Good-bye.

Aii right, cat, iet's go.

I'm keeping that with me.|You seen Eddy?

Yes. He's right overthere by|the corner of the bar.

You mean the bartender?


Samuei Curtis.

I know. We watched you iand. Everybody|here got just the biggest...

charge out of it. I'm stiii buzzin'.|In fact, everybody's buzzin'.

You got something for me,|right?

You're not going to beiieve what|i got for you.

No one can come back here but me, so we|can keep Oscar here 'tiii they come and get him.

I thought he was for you.

Oh, no. I hate cats, but you sure saved|my butt bringing him here.

- You're staying, right?|- What is that?

You're staying forthe big dance,|aren't you?

Yeah, sure.

I don't get it.

It's a giri. It's a reai iive giri.

What am i supposed to do|with it?

I don't know.

Who's piaying at the dance|tonight?


I guess i'ii see you there. Mind if|i use your bathroom?

Sure. It's a reai toiiet so|be carefui.

Thanks, Eddy.

That's him.

Hey Boy-Hey Boy...

i got a message for you...

about a thing caiied iove and the|stars above. And a iittie white dove,

sends push turn to shove to|fist to cuffs.

Things reaiiy got rough.|But enough's enough.

Hey Boy-Hey Boy...

i heard it from a friend about you...

about your hatred when you're|iaying in your bed...

and your facing the tread with|your hatred fed...

from the things you said. And you|wish you were dead...

because you're separated from a thing|caiied iove. And the stars above.

And a iittie white dove sends push|turn to shove to fist to cuffs

Things reaiiy got rough.|But enough's enough

Hey Boy-Hey Boy...

i heard it from a friend about you...

that you're heart broken and your|anger's smoking.

And you iie there poking at a|iittie token...

of days gone by. You iet out a sigh.|Tears fiii your eyes.

And you start to cry. And say,|Oh God why.

And you wish you couid die.|And your eyes won't dry.

And time don't fiy on this|heiiish night.

Eyes wide open on this heiiish|ride

as you go switching from side to side|because you're fiiied with hatred...

when you're iying in your bed. And|your face turns red...

with your hatred fed from the things you|said. And you wish you were dead...

because you're separated from a thing|caiied iove. And the stars above...

and a iittie white dove sends push|turn to shove to fist to cuffs.

Things reaiiy got rough.|But enough's enough!

Hey Boy-Hey Boy...

i heard it from a friend about you...


Hey! You son of a bitch! Hey!


Did you just see two guys come|out of that bathroom?

Here you go.

Hey, is it just me, or do my|baiis itch?

I think it's you.

Good. For a minute, i thought my|baiis itched.

Hey, it's a joke.

It's funny.

F*ck it.

This what you're iooking for?

Larry Biueberry.

My name is Lawrence. It's never been|Larry. I don't iike that name.

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Cory McAbee

Cory McAbee (born August 29, 1961, Santa Venetia, California, USA) is an American writer, director, singer and songwriter. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018


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"The American Astronaut" STANDS4 LLC, 2020. Web. 23 Jan. 2020. <>.

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