The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert: The Bus from Blooperville
- Year:
- 2005
- 9 min
- 1,800 Views
Hey lady
You lady
Cursing at your life
You're a discontented mother
and a regimented wife
But, I wish someone had a talked to me
like I wanna talk to you...
I've been to Georgia and California
I took the hand of a preacher man
and we made love in the sun
But I ran out of places
and friendly faces
because I had to be free
I've been to paradise
but I've never been to me
Please lady, please lady,
don't just walk away
'Cause I have this need to tell you
you why I'm all alone today
I can see so much of me
still living in your eyes
won't you share a part
of a weary heart
that has lived million lies...
I've been to Nice
and the Isle of Greece
while I've sipped champagne on a yacht
I moved like Harlow
in Monte Carlo
and showed 'em what I've got
I've been undressed by kings
and I've seen some things
that a woman ain't supposed to see...
Are you okay?
Oh well that was f***ing charming
you gutless pack of d*ckheads!
- Oh f*** off you talentless dog!
- What was that?
- Show us your pink bits.
- No, I don't think I will.
Now do you know why this
microphone has such a long cord?
So it's easily retrieved after
I've shoved it up your arse!
Christ almighty!
What the f***'s going on
out there tonight?
Are you hurt?
Alright, which one of you
b*tches shat on my dress?
Tick darling, it's for you.
- Hello?
- Ding dong!
Avon calling.
Howdy sunshine.
Long time no hear.
- Where?
- Emergency Ward A
Mr. Belrose?
So how about it?
Bernadette, it's Tick.
Sorry to call you so late, but I...
Hey are you okay?
No, I'm not.
What's the matter?
Trumpet just died.
The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down
in green pastures:
he leadeth me beside
the still waters.
He restoreth my soul:
righteousness for his name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through
the valley of the shadow of death;
I will fear no evil:
for thou art with me;
thy rod and thy staff
they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me
in the presence of mine enemies:
thou anointest my head with oil;
my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall
follow me all the days of my life;
and I will dwell in the
house of the Lord for ever.
It's not fair.
I've spent half my life
and all my life savings
trying to snag a
sympathetic husband
goes and dies on me.
Twenty five years old
and he goes and
slips over in a bathroom.
He didn't slip.
He was peroxiding his hair at home again
and he asphyxiated on the fume.
I've got to get some space.
I've been offered to do
a show out of town...
- That's nice.
- Why don't you come with me?
I need some help and I think
we could both use the break.
You're not wrong. Where is it?
Alice Springs.
You've got to be f***ing joking.
Wo-man is a
unique range of
specialty facial products
designed for the more...
heavy duty woman in us all.
Now this week... excuse me.
Hello.
How long is the run?
Four weeks.
Equity Minimum, two shows a
night, accomodation included.
I can't just sit around here
crying all the time.
Jesus. My mascara keeps running,
I look like a raccoon.
Good girl. That's the spirit.
big enough for the two of us...
Three of us.
A desert Holiday
Let's pack the drag away.
You take the lunch and tea
I'll take the ecstasy.
F*** off you silly queer
A desert Holiday
Hip hip hip hip hooray!
Why?
Why not? Look, he's turned into
a bloody good little performer.
That's right.
A bloody good little performer.
Twenty four hours a day,
seven days a week.
I thought we were getting
away from all this sh*t!
Two's company three's a party
Bernadette my sweet.
We're unplugging our curling
wands and going bush, Felicia.
Why would you possibly want to leave all this
glamour for a hike into the middle of nowhere?
- Do you really want to know?
- Desperately.
Well, ever since I was a lad,
I've had this dream.
A dream that I now, finally,
have a chance to fulfil.
- And that is?
- To travel to the centre of Australia
climb King's Canyon,
as a queen,
in a full length Gautier sequin,
heels and a tiara.
Great, that's just what
this country needs.
A cock in a frock on a rock.
Oh get back in your kennels,
both of you.
Now the first thing
we have to work out
is how the hell
we're going to get there.
What do you think?
When do we have to
return it to the school?
- We don't. We own it.
- What?
I met some nice swedish tourists
called Lars, Lars and Lars,
and coaxed it out of them
for ten thousand bucks.
- But we can't afford it.
- Well, that's right.
Mummy, maybe a trip
to the outback
would help me get over this
little phase I'm going through.
And you never know, I may meet
budget Barbie camper
"Priscilla, Queen of the desert."
That's got to be the
understatement of the century.
Together
We will go our way
We will leave someday
- Mum!
Your hand in my hands
We will make our plans
We are here today to see
a very bright woman
who will attempt to
cross the continent alone.
On behalf of all our sponsors...
This is what we'll do
Go West
Life is peaceful there
In the open air
Where the skies are blue
Ladies...
start your engines.
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"The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert: The Bus from Blooperville" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 19 Mar. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_adventures_of_priscilla,_queen_of_the_desert:_the_bus_from_blooperville_2258>.
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