Teardrops in the Snow: The Making of 'The Saddest Music in the World'

22 min

You are a very sad man,

Mr. Kent.

Nothing gets me down, sugar.

Put your hands on the ice...

next to mine.

Just a second.

Stand behind me.

For moral support.

My other pocket's lonely.

Let 'er rip.

Keep moving your hands

until you feel something.

She's a wise old woman.

Look into the ice.

I'm looking.


Look into your soul, Mr. Kent.

As your wise old fingers

will tell you,

I didn't cry at my mother's funeral,

and I don't cry now.

Look to your own miseries,

Mr. Kent.

Otherwise, you are a dead man.


do you have another nickel?

Give her a tip.

A dead man!


See how much happiness

your money can buy.

Now, what possessed you

to take me there?

Well, when I first saw you,

my tapeworm said, ''Fortune-teller,''

and that settled it.

I never go against my tapeworm.

I don't believe

in this tapeworm of yours.

Most tapeworms

are chewers, not talkers.

Oh, yes. He's got a very strong will.

He's irresistible.

I'm cold.

Let's take a streetcar.

We can't pay.

It's the 23.

We won't have to.

Are you an American?

I'm not an American.

I'm a nymphomaniac.

As long as you're not American,

you can be whatever you like.

Well, he's an American.

You're mistaken.

He may have

the stink of America on him,

but I assure you

he's Canadian... 100%.

- You lied to me?

- No.

It's like I said.

I'm a producer from New York.

Just down on his luck.

A real-live, Yankee-Doodle boy.

Then you're no son of mine.

Muskeg beer hall.

End of the line!

Get up

Get your boots on

Hurry up, hurry up

Time's a wastin'

if you're not tastin'

Lady Port-Huntley Beer

Can't wait to drink

One down, two down,

three down, four

Along this town

we want to be true

Lady Port-Huntley's beer

It's for me and for you

It's for me and for you

The Muskeg beer hour

is still gushing!

I'm Duncan Ellsworth,

your classical music host,

and I've got

major key news for you...

a contest,

ladies ard gentlemer.

The most exciting in our history.

Want to trade your sorrows in

for some spondoolicks?

Here to explain how

is Her Serenity herself,

Lady Port-Huntley.

Thank you, Duncan.

Listen to the sounds

of Winnipeg.

The white breathing of a nocturnal city

in this sad, sad world.

We at Muskeg beer

are proud that Winnipeg

has been chosen

four years in a row

by the London Times

as the world capital of sorrow

in the great depression.

In recognition of this honor,

we will be hosting

a world-wide contest

to determine which nation's music

truly deserves to be called

''the saddest in the world''.

Aspirirg virtuosos

of tearful melody

are welcomed to travel here

and lay claim

to the jewel-studded crown

of frozer tears...

and $25,000 in prize money.

That's right...

I can already see

that return ticket to Manhattan.

Come on, let's drink fast.

I got business to attend to.

The Lady Port-Huntley's

Saddest Music In The World cortest.

And they're off!

What do we really get

for our money?


Within a few months,

Congress will end prohibition

and America will be

saying goodbye to bootleggers

and be running...

and I mean running...

back to the neighborhood's bar.

Imagine a hundred million drinkers

willing to pay top dollars

for legal booze,

even if they can't make the rent

or buy their children shoes.

We, Canada, that happy

suds buddy to the north,

open the flood gates

and makes a killing.

If you're sad

and like beer...

I'm your lady.

Maybe you should make

yourself scarce for a while.

Wait. Don't disappear on me.

How long will you be?

If I'm not thrown out,

under half an hour.

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John Barnard

John Barnard (born 4 May 1946, Wembley, London) is a race car designer and is working with Terence Woodgate designing high specification carbon fibre furniture. Barnard is credited with the introduction of two new designs into Formula 1: the carbon fibre composite chassis first seen in 1981 with McLaren, and the semi-automatic gearbox which he introduced with Ferrari in 1989. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Teardrops in the Snow: The Making of 'The Saddest Music in the World'" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 9 May 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/teardrops_in_the_snow:_the_making_of_'the_saddest_music_in_the_world'_17331>.

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