Superstar

"My life"

"Is ever so perfect"

"My life"

"Has been a bed of roses"

"And you might think I'm crazy"

"So what, if I am"

"My head is full of good things"

"Enough for everyone"

"Beautiful"

"ls all I see when I look at me"

"Beautiful"

"Everymother's dream"

"Day by day"

" Things just keep getting prettier"

"Beautiful"

" What a wondeful life"

"My life"

"is really quite simple"

"My life"

"is just what I make it"

"I think you think I'm seeing"

"Only things I wanna see"

"The truth is that I'm being"

"Who I wanna be"

"Beautiful"

"What a wondeful life"

"Beautiful"

"Things keep getting prettier"

"Beautiful"

-"Thinks keep getting prettier"

-"So pretty"

"Beautiful"

"My life, beautiful"

There are 2 different ways

of getting into a swimming pool.

The first way, you take your toe...

and you carefully test

the water's temperature.

And if that feels okay,

slowly get into the water,

letting your body

adjust to the cold.

Then there's the second way

of getting into a pool.

- Aah !

- You jump.

That's me, Mary Katherine Gallagher.

It's nice to meet you.

Okay. Now, they say that God

works in mysterious ways.

And in my case, very mysterious.

Anyway, this is my story,

and you should pay attention

'cause it's starting right now.

[ Coughing ]

- Are you all right ?

- Yeah, I'm fine. [ Coughing ]

Your birthmark looks like sh*t.

- So, you're okay?

- Yeah.

Lifeguard!

Aah !

I grew up in a little town

called Besamee Heights.

It's this really friendly place

where everyone likes to say "hi."

[Man]

Hi there.

[Mary] I grew up in what people

called the ugliest house...

with the ugliest lawn

and the ugliest dog.

[ Growls ]

[ Squealing ]

My mom and dad died in this horrible

accident when I was a baby,

so my grandmother took care of me.

And my grandmother

was in an accident too.

Actually, most of my family

had gotten hurt at some point.

- We're sort of accident-prone.

- [ Groans ]

I'm off.

Now, my grandmother used to

always say that when I grow up,

I should become a business woman.

But I didn't really

think about business,

mostly because I couldn't stop

thinking about the one thing...

that I wanted more

than anything in the world.

A kiss. A big Hollywood

fireworks type of kiss.

So each night before I went to bed,

I would pray for God to help me.

And please, God,

send me someone to make out with...

and tongue kiss like this.

[ Slurping ]

Then one day

while me and my grandmother...

were watching some old movie,

it hit me.

There was only one way

I'd ever get what I wanted.

I would have to become

exactly like those people l saw...

getting kissed in the movies.

- I would have to become--

- A superstar.

Ooh, ah.

[ "Ave Maria" ]

This is St. Monica's.

It was the first place

I really thought l had a chance...

of making my dream come true.

[Reciting

The Lord's Prayer]

[ Whispering ]

Superstar !

- Amen.

- Shh.

-[Singing Continues]

- Sorry.

So I tried out for every star-making

activity that St. Monica's offered.

- Higher. Higher.

- Like ballet.

Ooh !

And my gymnastics tryout

didn 't go very well either.

- [Whistle Blows]

- [ Grunts ]

Whoa !

[Girls Laughing]

Evian Graham,

the most beautiful, most popular,

most bulimic girl

at St. Monica's.

Summer, Autumn,

I need your help.

- Yes, Evian ?

- Yes, Evian ?

We could either organize a walkathon

to fight multiple sclerosis...

or a bike-a-thon

to fight polio.

- What'll it be ? Hmm ?

- Hmm.

All the boys liked her.

I think because she had a nice body.

What are you looking at,

boobsweat ?

- Nothing.

- It's called a bra, Mary.

But don't worry.

You'll never need one.

Ow ! You hurt my titty.

I'm sorry. You had a little spot

there on your brassiere,

and I was just trying

to... wipe it off.

I'm sorry.

I got this after-schooljob

at Kip 's Video Warehouse...

as the rewind girl...

so that I could study

as many superstars as possible.

I thought

the more movies I watched,

the more they'd rub off on me,

and people said that they did.

Especially movies like Carrie,

starring Academy Award-winner

Sissy Spacek.

What are you doing ?

I'm using my telekinesis

to kill the girl...

who threw pig's blood on me

at the prom.

Okay.

Kip also had those made-for-

television movies which I love.

Father, forgive me

for I have sinned.

It has been two days

since my last confession.

Go ahead.

Tell me your sins, my child.

Father, my sins

would best be expressed...

in a monologue from

the made-for-TV movie Sybil,

starring Sally Field as a woman

with multiple personality disorder.

- Go ahead.

- Ah, look at you.

My pretty little girl,

sitting there with her face all

painted up and a little halter top.

You're nothing

but a little slut.

Don't call me that.

I'm a Puerto Rican lady, senor.

We all know you're a slut,

Sybil Anne Dorsett.

We know you're a little slut.

No, I'm not ! I'm not a slut !

I'm not a slut!

I'm not a slut!

I'm not a slut! I'm not a slut!

I ain 't no slut!

[ Crying ]

[ Congregation Murmuring ]

Sorry. Sorry.

[ Speaking, lndistinct ]

No big deal.

The more I kept trying

to become a superstar,

the less they thought I was one.

In fact, they had

all these other names for me.

Hey, lesbo.

- Dogface.

- Panty stain.

-And they also called me--

- Skid mark.

- Nipple hair.

- Lame.

- Loser.

- Did I say lesbo ?

Are you aware that I am rubber

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