Sundown: The Vampire in Retreat

Synopsis: Reclusive vampires lounge in a lonely American town. They wear sun cream to protect themselves. A descendant of Van Helsing arrives with hilarious consequences.
Director(s): Anthony Hickox
Production: Lionsgate
104 min

Gwendolyn, stop terrorizing your sister.

Dad, we were just playing.

Playing? Look at poor Julia.

She won't even sleep with the lights out.

Darling, stop being such a tyrant.

They're just having a little childhood fun.

Yeah, Dad. Childhood fun.

Anyhow, it's not me

who has horror pictures all over my room.

Is it?

Gwen is right.

It's just a passing phase.

Barbie and hula hoops

are a passing phase.

And what makes it worse

is that you encourage this.

Well, I...

She didn't buy these things herself.

No. But lately, when we go shopping,

it's all she seems to want.

Well, maybe this trip to Purgatory

will do her some good.

She'll meet some nice, average,

everyday, normal people.

I got a dollar says that's him.


If that's the guy that's gonna

save Purgatory, we're in big trouble.


You pensioners work here?

Full serve.

That's one of your dumber ideas, Merle.

Self-serve, that's the way.

Whoever he is,

one of us best take care of him.

Well, I went out yesterday.

And me the day before.

Well, damn it.

Let me go get some sunblock.

Be right with ya, young fella!

Young dipshit.

About time.

I was beginning to think you guys had died.

Hey! Where the f*** you goin'?

You guys gonna sell me some gas or what?

Sometimes I miss the old days.

It's hardest on Mort, of course.

That temper of his.

What is the big deal?

Get the lead out of your ass

and sell me some gas!

Boy, I hope that isn't him.

I'm not so sure Mort is the right one

to wait on this guy.

Might work out.

Might put us in deep sh*t with Mardulak.

How much you want, son?

You can fill it up, Gramps.

I've been waiting half my life

for you fossils to figure it out.

Everything moves a little slower

at my age, young fella.

Now you just...

Just relax,

and I'll get your gas for you.

Mort's doing okay, eh?

Can't last.

Hey, Gramps.

What's with the sun bonnet?

You can't take the sun?

Now ain't that something!

Old fart can't take the sun

and he lives in the damn desert!

Your name wouldn't be

David Harrison, would it?

Tom Pryor.

The name on the road to fame.

Ain't that a shame.

Looks like Mort struck oil.

Now look what you've gone and done!

I'm sorry, but he got me pissed!

That's gonna put our butts in the sun.

I better go down to the plant

and tell Jefferson.

You two hide the body.

Anybody sees it, we're spiked for sure.

I don't believe this.

- What?

- They've knocked his...

- Oh, no.

- Give 'em here!

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

They... No. No.

False alarm!

Never mind, folks! False alarm!

Forget it. Never mind.

False alarm, Otto!

You folks, never mind.

Never mind, Sandy.

Never mind.

Let's turn it up!

I hope this works, Pierre.

Are you sure?

Yes! Yes! Up!

Here it goes.

So, what now?

Relax, boys.

Dave Harrison's on his way.

Sarah, I really do appreciate

you taking time off your studies.

Mardulak paid me a hell

of a lot for that patent.

The least I can do is make sure

it works for the guy.

We're family.

One goes, we all go.

- Right?

- Right.

You know, David, there is one thing

I really do dread about

these next two weeks, though.

Meeting that bastard Shane again.


You were the one who dated him.

Well, we didn't exactly date.

Oh, I know. You two were

the legend of Twain Hall.

You know, the last time I saw him,

he swore that he would get you back,

no matter what it took.

- That was the day that...

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The day he beat the sh*t out of me.

But at least I got the first punch in.

Yeah. You weren't in the hospital very long.

Where is this place?

I don't know.

Around this corner, I think.

You sure we can't take

this up with Mardulak?


He told me himself.

Disciplinary problems go to Mr. Jefferson.

You said you had a disciplinary problem.

You go to Mr. Jefferson.

Lucky me.


Mr. Jefferson will see you now.


Well, the good news is

it wasn't Dave Harrison.

From the beginning, Merle.

From the beginning.

I can't believe this.

I just can't believe this.

No one is gonna believe us!

I wouldn't believe us!

Who is gonna believe that

some relic with a sombrero

knocked off Tom's head

with a backhand?

We know that they hid

Tom's jeep in the garage.

With his headless body!


And that's gotta be enough

to get a cop to believe

that something happened.

Sh*t, Jack.

What kind of monsters are these?

This stuff is worse than a chorizo, man.

Pigs, pigs, pigs!

I have come to retire among swine.

How can you drink that stuff cold, James?

It's not even the right color.

What's the color got to do with it?

It tastes real.

A typically English comment.

If this Dave Harrison

can't step up production,

then it won't matter, anyhow.

It will be back to the old ways

for all of us.


That would be a damn shame.

This the road to Purgatory?

Would you be David Harrison?


That way.

- Thank you!

- Thank you!

Bye! Bye!

We must hide the body... and the car.

We thought of that.

Mort and Milt are taking care

of that right now.

A pity that foresight

is so infrequently available

to the Bisby brothers.

What about Mort?

As this act is that of simple murder,

not a reversion,

Mardulak may look more kindly upon it.

In the meantime, I'm gonna have

the sheriff take Mort to jail.

To jail?

What jail can hold him?

It won't be the bars that will restrain

your hot-headed brother.

It'll be the fear for his life.

Do I make myself clear?

As clear as a spring in Maine.

Thank you.

You may go.

You must be the Harrisons.

Did we leave our name tags on?

No need for name tags

in a town this size, man.

Everybody knows this is the day

that David Harrison arrives.

You're famous, man.

A celebrity.

A big fish in a dry pond.

This is my wife, Sarah,

and my daughters, Gwendolyn and...

- Juliet.

- Juliet.

I'm Quinton Canada,

the only policeman in Purgatory.

Easiest job in town, man.

No drunks, no tourists, no crime.

- Nice to meet you.

- A pleasure to have met you.

Thank you.

Nice guy.

But what's with the hats?

My darling.

Anna? It's them, the Harrisons, ja?

Everybody knows us?

Celebrities, man.

Anna and Otto Trotsberg,

shopkeepers at your service.

Mardulak told us you come today.

We should treat you good.

Regular VIPs.

But we don't know their kinderl

Come, liebchin.

Come see Auntie Anna.

And what is your name, child?

Juliet Harrison.

And that's my sister, Gwendolyn.

Juliet and Gwendolyn.

Do you hear that, Otto?

Such names!

Your parents must be very romantic.

They're very horny.


To be young and alive, eh, Otto?

And you have such beautiful children.

You see, Anna and I outlived our children.

There's no greater sadness than...

Shush, Otto.

That was a long time ago.

How can we help you?

We could use some supplies.

- How about spaghetti tonight, kids?

- Yay!

Sounds good. Do you want

to help me find the tomato sauce?

- Come on, girls.

- Help yourselves.

We could also use some directions.

We're staying up at the Reilly Mansions.

Oh. The old copper barons' homes.

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John Burgess

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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