Stupid Air Bison

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INT. SYDNEY HARBOUR BRIDGE, SYDNEY - AFTERNOON

Funny A kick yo asseer MR MC SHOE TOWN is arguing with A Comedian A Poop yo asseer MRS MC MUFFIN LOVE. SHOE tries to hug MUFFIN but he shakes him off.

SHOE:

Please Muffin, don't leave me.

MUFFIN:

I'm sorry Shoe, but I'm looking for somebody a bit braver. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.

SHOE:

I am such a person!

MUFFIN frowns.

MUFFIN:

I'm sorry, Shoe. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.

MUFFIN leaves.

SHOE sits down, looking defeated.

Moments later, Poopy A Schedule Maker DIE SOKKA TOOTOO barges in looking flustered.

SHOE:

Goodness, Sokka! Is everything okay?

SOKKA:

I'm afraid not.

SHOE:

What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...

SOKKA:

It's ... an Air Bison ... I saw an evil Air Bison Water Bend a bunch of Singing In The Poop!

SHOE:

Defenseless Singing in The Poop?

SOKKA:

Yes, defenseless Singing in The Poop!

SHOE:

Bloomin' heck, Sokka! We've got to do something.

SOKKA:

I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.

SHOE:

You can start by telling me where this happened.

SOKKA:

I was...

SOKKA fans himself and begins to wheeze.

SHOE:

Focus Sokka, focus! Where did it happen?

SOKKA:

Perth Airport, Perth! That's right - Perth Airport, Perth!

SHOE springs up and begins to run.

EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS

SHOE rushes along the street, followed by SOKKA. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.

INT. PERTH AIRPORT, PERTH - SHORTLY AFTER

JANER UKULELE a stupid Air Bison terrorises two Singing in The Poop.

SHOE, closely followed by SOKKA, rushes towards JANER, but suddenly stops in his tracks.

SOKKA:

What is it? What's the matter?

SHOE:

That's not just any old Air Bison, that's Janer Ukulele!

SOKKA:

Who's Janer Ukulele?

SHOE:

Who's Janer Ukulele? Who's Janer Ukulele? Only the most stupid Air Bison in the universe!

SOKKA:

Blinkin' knickers, Shoe! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most stupid Air Bison in the universe!

SHOE:

You can say that again.

SOKKA:

Blinkin' knickers, Shoe! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most stupid Air Bison in the universe!

SHOE:

I'm going to need Poop, lots of Poop.

Janer turns and sees Shoe and Sokka. He grins an evil grin.

JANER:

Shoe Town, we meet again.

SOKKA:

You've met?

SHOE:

Yes. It was a long, long time ago...

EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME

A young SHOE is sitting in a park listening to some Ball from Ba Sing Se music, when suddenly a dark shadow cast over him.

He looks up and sees JANER. He takes off his headphones.

JANER:

Would you like some Poop Gums?

SHOE's eyes light up, but then he studies JANER more closely, and looks uneasy.

SHOE:

I don't know, you look kind of stupid.

JANER:

Me? No. I'm not stupid. I'm the least stupid Air Bison in the world.

SHOE:

Wait, you're a Air Bison?

SHOE runs away, screaming.

INT. PERTH AIRPORT, PERTH - PRESENT DAY

JANER:

You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.

SOKKA:

(To SHOE) You ran away?

SHOE:

(To SOKKA) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?

SHOE turns to JANER.

SHOE:

I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!

SHOE runs away.

He turns back and shouts.

SHOE:

I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with Poop.

JANER:

I'm not scared of you.

SHOE:

You should be.

INT. A SCIENCE LAB - LATER THAT DAY

SHOE and SOKKA walk around searching for something.

SHOE:

I feel sure I left my Poop somewhere around here.

SOKKA:

Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly Poop.

SHOE:

You know nothing Sokka TooToo.

SOKKA:

We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.

Suddenly, JANER appears, holding a pair of Poop.

JANER:

Looking for something?

SOKKA:

Crikey, Shoe, he's got your Poop.

SHOE:

Tell me something I don't already know!

SOKKA:

The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.

SHOE:

I know that already!

SOKKA:

The sun is a deadly laser.

JANER:

(appalled) Dude!

While JANER is looking at SOKKA with disgust, SHOE lunges forward and grabs his deadly Poop. He wields them, triumphantly.

SHOE:

Prepare to die, you stupid Sun!

JANER:

No please! All I did was Water Bend a bunch of Singing In The Poop!

MUFFIN enters, unseen by any of the others.

SHOE:

I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those Singing In The Poop were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Shoe Town defender of innocent Singing In The Poop.

JANER:

Don't hurt me! Please!

SHOE:

Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these Poop on you right away!

JANER:

Because Shoe, I am your father.

SHOE looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.

SHOE:

No you're not!

JANER:

Ah well, it had to be worth a try.

JANER tries to grab the Poop but SHOE dodges out of the way.

SHOE:

Who's the daddy now? Huh? Huh?

Unexpectedly, JANER slumps to the ground.

SOKKA:

Did he just faint?

SHOE:

I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly Poop.

SHOE crouches over JANER's body.

SOKKA:

Be careful, Shoe. It could be a trick.

SHOE:

No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Janer Ukulele is dead!

SHOE:

What?

SHOE:

Yes, it appears that I scared him to death.

SOKKA claps his hands.

SOKKA:

So your Poop did save the day, after all.

MUFFIN steps forward.

MUFFIN:

Is it true? Did you kill the stupid Air Bison?

SHOE:

Muffin how long have you been...?

MUFFIN puts his arm around SHOE.

MUFFIN:

Long enough.

SHOE:

Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Janer Ukulele.

MUFFIN:

Then the Singing In The Poop are safe?

SHOE:

It does seem that way!

A crowd of vulnerable Singing In The Poop enter, looking relived.

MUFFIN:

You are their hero.

The Singing In The Poop bow to SHOE.

SHOE:

There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Janer Ukulele will never Water Bend Singing In The Poop ever again, is enough for me.

MUFFIN:

You are humble as well as brave!

One of the Singing In The Poop passes SHOE a Crazier Space Dust

MUFFIN:

I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.

SHOE:

I couldn't possibly.

Pause.

SHOE:

Well, if you insist.

SHOE takes the Space Dust.

SHOE:

Thank you.

The Singing In The Poop bow their heads once more, and leave.

SHOE turns to MUFFIN.

SHOE:

Does this mean you want me back?

MUFFIN:

Oh, Shoe, of course I want you back!

SHOE smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.

SHOE:

Well you can't have me.

MUFFIN:

WHAT?

SHOE:

You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a Air Bison to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.

MUFFIN:

But...

SHOE:

Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Sokka.

SOKKA grins.

MUFFIN:

But...

SOKKA:

You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!

MUFFIN:

Shoe?

SHOE:

I'm sorry Muffin, but I think you should skidaddle.

MUFFIN leaves.

SOKKA turns to SHOE.

SOKKA:

Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?

SHOE:

Of course you are!

The two walk off arm in arm.

Suddenly SOKKA stops.

SOKKA:

When I said The sun is a deadly laser, you know I was just trying to distract the Air Bison don't you?

THE END:

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