Stay Cool

How Lionel Got Me Laid,

the audio book

by Henry McCarthy.

narrated by David silver.

I owe a special thanks to everyone I knew

at West Rockwille High.

Without those experiences,

I never would have become a writer.

And, let's face it,

not everyone gets the opportunity to

write their shoulda, woulda, coulda's

and pay the bills

at the same time.

Yes, the cheerleaders,

jocks, stoners, geeks,

the soon-to-be out of the closet

token gay guys,

and faculty members

created who I am today.

Someday I'll go back and

thank everyone personally

and, of course, Lionel

for showing me the magic.

Girl, we are late, late, late.

How late?

Fingers and toes late!

After 20 years, you'd think Henry could

at least get picked up at the gate.

Wino, listen to this.

If Henry asked us about

his new book,

we're gonna be in big... here!

"A fictional tale of an awkward teenager navigating

his way through troubled waters in high school"

Sounds like non-fiction

to me.

Chapter one:

Say you, say me.

Misery thy name

is high school.

The first day in West Rockwille High

I felt totally alone.

I was the nerd,

the geek,

the invisible.

until I met Brian and Wayne.

We became instant friends.

We calculated that a pack of misfits

had less chance of being beaten up

than one solitary dork.

Henry, Henry!

Oh my God!

Safety in numbers.

Oh, look at you!

Ok. Hey, girl.

Good to see you. Let me

look at you, come on.

Mm. Where do I sign for this package?

You look good.

Look at that hair.

Your bags?

Lost.

Let's just go.

Damn it!

Look at you.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, it's not you.

If it ain't wino.

Yeah!

Hey!

What's up, buddy?

Henry!

I was bored stiff

in my classes.

Nobody knew who I was

except for my 2 friends

and the football jock who threatened to

separate my head from my body daily.

That's what happened.

Didn't I tell you?

That's a passe driving hazard.

Here it is.

Homo sweet homo.

All right.

Thanks, guys.

Oh, yeah.

don't forget your balloons.

Well, one for Henry.

One for me. One for wino.

What time tomorrow?

6 a.m.

ouch!

Uh, yeah! We'll...

Yeah...

Zombie hour.

See you then.

Welcome home, Henry.

See you tomorrow.

Bye!

Later, h!

Ow!

Stupid.

Oh, my baby's back home!

Hey, mom.

"Hey, mom."

How are you?

I'm good.

You look great.

Thanks.

No dirty laundry?

Plenty, but airlines lost it.

It's headed to Tokyo.

Sweetheart, I'm sorry.

Yeah.

Well, we'll go shopping.

How's dad?

Oh, he's dad, you know.

I felt like a stranger

in a strange land at home.

Mom treated me

like a 3-year-old,

and dad obsessed

with his hobbies.

Hey, dad.

Good to see you.

Henry.

You look good.

So, what would you like to eat?

I have all your favorites.

It's all right, mom. I'm not that hungry.

I'm really tired.

I've got to get up early

and do the speech.

What would you like for breakfast then, dear?

Pancakes or waffles?

Waffles would be good.

After graduation, I took my toothbrush

and a pair of shoes

and bailed as fast as I could.

But I left one big what-if behind.

And I knew that someday I'd have to go back

and find out the answer.

Hello?

Where are you?

I'm in my bedroom.

Oh, dear.

Hold on a second.

I don't get very good reception.

I've read your handbook on heartbreak

5 trillion and 2 times.

I know this is a painful place

for you to be right now.

Right here.

I'm your manager.

Ok. You call me asap if there's

anything Javier can do.

I can be there in less than 24.

All right, I got ya.

All right, Javier.

I'll talk to you soon.

Bye-bye. Ok.

Hey, you're listening

to John-Tom in the morning!

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes