Snowglobe

1

DANCIN' THROUGH THE SNOW

IN A ONE-HORSE OPEN SLEIGH

OVER THE FIELDS WE GO

LAUGHING ALL THE WAY

SLIPPING AND A-SLIDING

BELLS ON BOBTAIL RINGS

MAKING SPIRITS BRIGHT

WHAT FUN IT IS:

TO RIDE AND SING

A SLEIGHING SONG TONIGHT

EVERYBODY SING:

JINGLE BELLS:

JINGLE BELLS:

JINGLE ALL THE WAY...

JEEZ, ANG, IT'S SALAMI,

NOT A ROLEX.

HERE, MRS. FIORELLA.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

WHAT IS THIS?

WHAT YOU ORDERED:

TWO POUNDS OF SALAMI.

[scoffs, muttering]

OH, I'LL WRAP THAT,

UNCLE DONNY.

HEY--

BROWN PAPER AND TAPE,

ANG?

[scoffs]

NEVER MIND.

THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.

WHO'S NEXT?

HI.

HELLO, WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE?

WELL...HOW ABOUT YOUR NAME,

FOR STARTERS?

IT'S ANGELA.

HELLO, ANGELA.

HI.

MAX.

MAX.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE, MAX?

JUST ONE SECOND.

I'D LIKE TO ORDER ONE

OF YOUR WORLD-FAMOUS LASAGNAS.

IT'S HER MOTHER'S RECIPE.

IS THAT RIGHT?

YEAH, THEY'RE ALL INCREDIBLE

COOKS.

THE WHOLE FAMILY.

PLAY YOUR CARDS RIGHT,

YOU'LL EAT LIKE A KING.

CLAIRE!

WHAT?

WHAT DID I SAY?

PLEASE LEAVE:

YOUR LASAGNA ORDER

WITH THE LADY:

AT THE REGISTER.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

BUT I--

NEXT!

YOU'RE WORSE THAN MY MOTHER.

WHAT, HE'S A CATCH!

LOOK AT HIM.

A CATCH?

MY PARENTS STOCK

OUR APARTMENT BUILDING

LIKE A SINGLE-GUY

FISH POND.

SO?

THEY'RE TRYING TO HELP.

I'LL PICK MY OWN BOYFRIENDS,

THANK YOU.

YEAH?

WELL I'M GONNA DO

SOME PICKING OF MY OWN.

HEY, MAX,

I'LL TAKE YOUR ORDER.

NEXT, PLEASE.

(Claire)

YOU CAN'T EXPECT EVERY GUY

TO GIVE YOU GOOSEBUMPS.

OKAY, NOT EVERY GUY.

JUST ONE GUY.

FACE IT, YOU'RE NOT GONNA FIND

THE MAN OF YOUR DREAMS

AROUND HERE.

SO MAYBE I'LL MOVE.

SO MAYBE I'LL BE

MISS AMERICA.

SO MAYBE I WANT MORE

OUT OF LIFE.

LIKE SNOW MAYBE:

AT CHRISTMAS.

UGH, YOU CAN HAVE IT.

OH, CLAIRE.

I HAVE THIS PICTURE

IN MY HEAD:

OF THE PERFECT CHRISTMAS,

YOU KNOW?

AND THIS--

THIS AIN'T IT.

NOT BY A LONG SHOT.

THE PERFECT GUY,

THE PERFECT CHRISTMAS.

I MEAN, WHAT'S NEXT?

I'M NOT GROWING OLD

SLICING SALAMI.

I'LL TELL YOU THAT MUCH.

[gasps]

DON'T LET YOUR MOTHER

HEAR YOU SAY THAT!

IT'S HER BUSINESS,

NOT MINE.

SOMETIMES I THINK I WAS BORN

INTO THE WRONG FAMILY.

I DON'T GET IT.

YOU GOT A GOOD THING HERE.

IT'S NOT ME.

WELL, WHAT ELSE

ARE YOU GONNA DO, HMM?

I DON'T KNOW.

BUT IT'S GONNA BE

SOMETHING GOOD.

SOMETHING I LOVE.

WELL LET ME KNOW

HOW THAT WORKS OUT FOR YOU.

[laughs]

SEE YOU TOMORROW.

TOMORROW.

[sighs]

EXCUSE ME.

I'M LOOKING FOR

AN ANGELA MORENO.

WELL, IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAY.

YOU FOUND ONE.

THANKS.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

UH, HI.

HI.

EXCUSE ME.

DO YOU KNOW HOW:

TO GET THIS THING TO WORK?

IT'S, UH--

WELL, WHEN THEY PUT IT IN--

UH, INSTALLED IT.

WELL, THE WIRING GUY,

HE USED A CROWBAR

AND, UH, WELL, THE DOOHICKEY

GOT WAY PUSHED IN AND--

SO IT'S--

SO IT'S BROKEN.

WELL, YOU JUST CAN'T CALL I FROM THE LOBBY.

COME HERE,

I'LL SHOW YOU.

THAT PIZZA SMELLS GOOD.

I KNOW,

IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY.

I'M FAMISHED.

I THINK YOU'D BE SICK

OF IT BY NOW.

HUH?

YOU KNOW, DELIVERING THOSE

DAY AFTER DAY.

HUH, HERE YOU GO.

THANKS.

WHAT FLOOR?

THREE, PLEASE.

ME TOO.

WE COULD'VE WALKED.

I'M EDDIE, BY THE WAY.

ANGELA.

[elevator dings]

OH, HERE WE ARE.

[laughs]

THE LONG RIDE IS OVER.

WE REALLY COULD'VE JUST, UH--

SO LONG, EDDIE.

ACTUALLY I'M HEADED...

OH.

HMM...

YOU KNOW, IT'S NONE

OF MY BUSINESS BUT, UM,

WHERE'S THAT PIZZA GOING?

UH, 304.

[scoffs]

I KNEW IT.

I BET IT'S A SINGLE GUY.

VERY LIKELY.

AN ELIGIBLE BACHELOR.

VERY ELIGIBLE,

I BET.

UGH, THIS HAS GO TO STOP!

THEY'RE DRIVING ME NUTS.

I HOPE YOU DON'T LIVE

WITH YOUR FAMILY, EDDIE.

THAT WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE.

WHY?

'CAUSE 304

IS A STUDIO APARTMENT.

WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO--

THAT PIZZA'S--

IT'S ALL MINE.

YOU'RE NOT--

A DELIVERY BOY?

NO.

[scoffs]

IT WAS NICE MEETING YOU.

GOOD NIGHT.

IF YOU'RE HUNGRY, YOU KNOW

WHERE TO FIND SOME PIZZA.

GOOD NIGHT.

GOTTA GO.

[door slams]

[quietly]

OKAY.

[door opens]

HEY, ANG.

HEY, ANGIE.

[TV clicks on]

UM, EXCUSE ME.

OH, YEAH,

CABLE'S OUT IN THE OTHER ROOM.

[boinging sound on TV]

[grunts]

[chattering on TV]

THE OTHER ROOM YOU'RE TALKING

ABOUT IS YOUR APARTMENT.

AND I'M GUESSING

THE CABLE DOESN'T WORK

BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T PAID

THE BILL.

HOT SAUCE COMIN' THROUGH!

WE NEED TO USE YOUR KITCHEN.

WHAT? NO!

I JUST GOT HOME.

OH, AND NOT A MOMEN TOO SOON.

THE SMOKE--

YOU COULDN'T--

YOU COULDN'T EVEN BREATHE

DOWNSTAIRS!

WHAT HAPPENED?

CHARRED LASAGNA.

AY AY AY,

YOUR FATHER,

GOD BLESS HIM,

I KNOW HE WAS JUST TRYING

TO SPEED THINGS UP BUT...

[scoffs]

60 MINUTES AT 350

IS NOT 35 MINUTES

AT 600 DEGREES.

IT'S A WONDER

THE FIRE DEPARTMEN DIDN'T SHOW UP AGAIN.

MAYBE YOU CAN ASK

BEFORE JUST BARGING IN.

WHAT IF I HAD PLANS?

ANGIE, WHEN DO YOU EVER

HAVE PLANS?

EXCUSE ME.

MOM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

CHRISTMAS LASAGNA.

WE HAVE OVER 60 ORDERS.

THAT'S EVERY STOVE

WE'VE GO GOING PRETTY MUCH ALL THE TIME.

AND NOW I'M ONE OVEN DOWN

AND ONE LASAGNA SHORT.

JAMIE!

WILL YOU QUIT WATCHING TV

AND SET THE TABLE!

OKAY, HONEY.

OH, NO, YOU KNOW WHAT?

WE'RE NOT DOING THIS AGAIN.

THIS IS MY KITCHEN,

MY APARTMENT.

I JUST CLEANED THE STAINS

OUT OF THE CARPE FROM THE LAST TIME.

OKAY, DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.

WE'RE NOT GONNA LUG THE FOOD

UP AND DOWN THE STAIRS.

DO ME A FAVOR.

GO FIND YOUR UNCLE.

LIKE I CAN'T SMELL

THE GARLIC:

WAFTING DOWN THE HALLWAY.

[laughs]

OH, MOVE OVER, BUDDY!

OH, COME ON!

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