Smiley Face
This is the story
of how a person
got from point A
to point Z.
Some call it fate,
others, chance.
But whatever
you call it,
it sure is an interesting
thing to ponder, don't
you think?
The twisted paths
our lives follow.
How did you get here?
right now at this
very moment.
What series of events
brought you to
this place?
At this specific
point in time?
Where are you in life?
the way you'd planned?
And by the way,
when was the last time
you spoke with
your parents?
Don't you think
you ought to give
them a call?
To thank them
for the set
of circumstances
that brought
them together,
at a certain place,
at a certain
moment in time,
when you
were created.
Uhh,
what were we
talking about?
How you
got here.
Yeah.
Jesus Christ,
l can't believe
l'm still so--
uh,
Stoned?
Yeah !
sure would hit the spot
about now, wouldn't it?
And some Tostitos.
That's it!
Oh, man !
That's exactly
what l'm thinking !
OJ and Tostitos!
Jesus!
lt's like you're
reading my thoughts
or something !
l am.
Whoa.
So go on.
What am
l thinking
about now?
Well, there are many
thoughts racing through
your head.
The first concerns
the orange juice
and Tostitos.
Yeah.
And the second,
the second thought,
oh, how it vexes you.
Uh-huh.
What is it?
lt is this.
Why are you having
a conversation with
Roscoe Lee Browne?
Ha!
Roscoe Lee?
Holy sh*t!
You're famous!
Yes, l am.
l can't f***ing
believe l'm having
a conversation
with Roscoe
Lee Browne!
Okay. Ready
for number three?
You bet l
am, Roscoe.
bYour third thought
is simply this :
/bbHow in the hell/b
did l end up
on a ferris wheel?
How did
you know that?
Because, you
f***ing pothead,
you're talking
to yourself.
Sh*t. How the hell
did l get here?
a little early
in the morning to
be getting stoned.
But whatever,
you know.
lt's not like
l just sit around
collecting checks
from my parents
or something.
l did that regional
soda ad a while back,
Doctor Bjorn's Famous
Old-Fashioned Root Beer.
Maybe you saw
it? Anyhow,
between that
and unemployment l
get by. Bla-bla-bla.
All l know
is this game is
so f***ing cool
when you're high.
They say a true pothead
stops getting the munchies
after a certain point.
l mean, a true pothead
wouldn't even say
the word ''munchies. ''
l don't know
what the true
pothead would say,
''Munchos'' or ''hungries''
or something.
At any rate, l still
love to eat when
l'm high.
So f*** you
if you're too cool
to get hungry
when you're stoned.
My free one year supply
of Doctor Bjorn's.
Neat, huh?
ln the six months
l've lived with my
roommate, Steve,
l've never seen
him get high.
Not once.
He even kind
of looks down
on me for doing it.
God, you are
so pathetic.
H uh?
Here's the deal
with Steve.
He scares me.
Oh, hi, Steve.
See what l mean?
Steve's one of those
''Dress in costume
and wait in line
for Star Wars'' types,
but angry.
Real anti-social.
l've always tried
to stay on Steve's
good side,
who knows what can
happen with a
weirdo like that?
Mm !
Mm !
l know he made
that sign telling
me not to,
but l had a counterplan.
A really good counterplan.
l would bake
Steve some
more cupcakes.
Some even
better cupcakes.
And then,
l recognized
the true nature
of the cupcakes
l had consumed.
Oh, sh*t.
Oh, f***.
Listen, Jane.
l really busted
my ass
getting you this
audition so please,
please, please
don't f*** it up.
lt seems like you
don't even give
a sh*t about
any of this.
Do you?
Do you even
give a sh*t?
l give a sh*t.
Plan. . . need a plan.
My plan.
Number one.
Buy more pot.
You know,
so l can make more
cupcakes for Steve.
bNumber two :
usefor the power bill to
purchase said pot.
That way l
can bake some
fresh cupcakes
before he gets back.
Then l'll go
to my audition.
go to my audition./b
l've never been
to an audition
this stoned before.
but l'd be willing to wager
that l'd be damned good
because l'll be even
more in touch with
my creative selfl
That's not really
a part of the plan.
Scratch that.
bFour :
hit the cash machine,zip on over to pay
that power bill,/b
pick up cupcake
supplies at the store
and head on back
to home base to
bake 'em up.
Not bad. . . for a person
who happens to
be quite stoned.
You're baked.
No.
What makes
you think that?
J ust, you
know, the usual.
Actually, you
better make it
a full ounce.
l 'm gonna
be making
some cupcakes.
You got it.
What's going on
over there?
Who's there?
ls someone
in my apartment?
Man, you really
are stoned.
bNumber one :
Buy more pot./b
You're like
Can l just--
you know--
Goddamn it, Jane,
this is the last time.
You have to pay
me back today.
No problem-o.
l 'm marking
it down--
in the book.
l just gotta hit
the cash machine,
my man.
lt's all
about capitalism
and sh*t like
that, you know?
Who creates the jobs?
Where do they
come from?
The profits
l make,
for example,
trickle down through
the economy in ways
l can't even comprehend.
lt makes sense.
l 'm totally vibing
you, dude.
Yeah, simple Reaganomics
apply to the production
of hemp.
Well, l don't think
that really qualifies
as Reaganomics, but--
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"Smiley Face" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 25 Apr. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/smiley_face_18338>.
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