Small Apartments

Synopsis: When a clumsy deadbeat accidentally kills his landlord, he must do everything in his power to hide the body, only to find the distractions of lust, the death of his beloved brother and a crew of misfit characters, force him on a journey where a fortune awaits him.
Genre: Comedy, Crime, Drama
Director(s): Jonas Åkerlund
Production: Sony Pictures
  1 nomination.
Rotten Tomatoes:
96 min

Knock it off!

Knock it off, asshole!

Knock it off!

You hear me, Franklin?

You blow that horn again, I'm

gonna screw it in your ass!

Hey! Watch out!

How many times do

I gotta tell you?

That horn is a fuckin' menace.

Don't you get it?

Good morning, Mr. Allspice.

Can't you maybe get a little

respect? Just a little?

I assumed you'd

left for your walk.

You assumed?

It relaxes me.

Why don't you go to the zoo

and listen to an elephant fart?

That would relax you, no?

You know, it stinks in there.

What a fuckin' idiot.

My name is Franklin.

I haven't always lived here.

In this apartment, I mean.

'Scuse me.

In fact, not so long ago,

my life was very different.

That was when I used to

live with my brother, Bernard.

But then he took up residence

in the psych center.

So now I live alone.

Well, except for my dog.


Every day, Bernard sends me

an envelope that contains

one cassette tape,

and an assortment

of toenail clippings.

You should kill yourself.

I don't take everything

Bernard says as gospel,

because he was

basically diagnosed "insane"

by Dr. Sage Mennox, himself.

And he's been on Oprah.

Hey, little bro!

It's me again.

Big brother Bernard. Back for

another installment of truth.

Another daily nugget

of recorded wisdom.

Very excited, Franklin.

Really, really jazzed.

Lately, I don't know how to explain

it. My head is just, it's filled

with mind-blowing,

fantastical shit.

Listen, Franklin, I heard

from God again last night.

God wanted me to pass

along a message to you.

He wanted me to tell you,

"You're being watched. "

I know you, Franklin.

Don't panic.

Yeah, it might be a threat,

but maybe it's just a warning.

You know? Maybe it's just, maybe it

just means he's watching over you.

I asked him to clarify,

but I'm just the delivery boy.

I'm the string

between the tin cans.

I don't rate an explanation.


But you know what I told him?

I said God would have

a lot more credibility

if he didn't always pick crazy

people to be his messengers.


sanity is wasted on the sane.

That's George

Bernard Shaw for you.

Anyway, about the toenails.

Don't worry. There's plenty

more where those came from.

I think this apartment's

too small for me.

Maybe I should

leave this place.

Go someplace where

people appreciate my music.

What do you think,

Mr. Olivetti? Hmm?

Hey, Tommy Balls.

What are you doing?

Working on

today's project, baby.

What time is it?

Uh, 10:


You wanna f*ck?

That was yesterday's project.

You want a wake and bake?

I told you last night,

I'm in the middle

of a 40-day cleanse.

I'm ridding myself of all my




No toxins are allowed

to enter this temple.


I wish I could

talk to Bernard.

He's smart.

He was an accountant at that

big law firm. Weiner and Fish.

He wasn't always crazy.

In fact, he was

almost always not crazy.

He had lots

of girlfriends, too.

Girls love Bernard.

Whoo-hoo! Ha!


Hey, it's how you

weed out the tight-asses.

See, uptight

chicks refuse to bowl.

They don't bowl,

they don't roll.

Know what I mean?

You know what I mean?

Nice roll, baby. She's up.


You know what I mean?

Yeah, he knows!

Oh, yeah.

I had no idea

what Bernard meant.

What are you looking for?


Sweet. I thought you

were building that bong...

Gravity bong.

Never have just one goal for

the day, baby. I'm multitasking.

You know, you should

have just one goal.

'Cause if you

have a lot of them,

you're just gonna

f*ck some of them up.

That's just common sense.

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