Slightly Single in L.A.

I always forget stuff when I walk

out the door.

If any of my ex-boyfriends had picked

up on that

perhaps things would have turned

out differently...

but probably not.

Zach was my first serious boyfriend

and I was madly in love.

I thought he was the best.

You're the best!

You're the best!

Apparently so did my best

friend Stephanie.

Baby!

I know this looks bad.

As well as Liz.

You're home early.

Evan was my rebound guy.

But of course. I feel in love again

because he seemed so perfect.

But... he was perfect for Steven

and Smiley Pete as well.

No no no no...

And Phil was my rebound of the rebound.

Bad!

You bad baby!

Uh...

That's when I decided to move

to Los Angeles.

What better city to replace

perfect boyfriends,

long term commitment... and heartache,

with short term happiness

and superficiality...

At least it seemed like a good idea

at the time.

Well, fast forward a few years.

I forgot to introduce myself.

I'm Dale.

That's me a few years later.

Sucking face with my kinda

sorta boyfriend JP.

He's a fashion photographer.

Remember that cover of Charlize

in the green evening gown?

JP took that.

God I'm already name dropping...

That's so lame.

Baby, give me your foot.

My foot?

You ever had your toe suck before?

No, J. P... I...

Ok...

Delicious...

What, no good experience?

Bye baby.

I love this song uh.

It reminds me of being in Rome.

I wonder if toe sucking is big in Rome?

Baby you want a beer?

The six pack no?

Baby, we have good energy.

We have a good energy me and you no?

Yes.

Come here...

Come dance with Papi.

Me and JP have been together on

and off for about six months.

It's going pretty good but

sometimes I get the feeling

I'm not the only girl JP's seeing.

Oh, JP...

Ahhhh no no...

Are you still there?

Just stay here.

Who is that JP?

Ah, computer is broken

Is crazy joke ha ha... No...

Come out where ever you are.

I only have eyes for you.

Hey JP!

Let's do that thing with the toes again.

Call me if you want to rendezvous.

- Hey...

- Bye.

OK baby is no big deal

is my massage therapist. OK?

That's a reasonable explanation... right?

JP...

JP...

No more mozzarella mama...

Since I moved to LA I haven't really

had a substantial boyfriend.

I seem to gravitate towards casual

relationships of convenience.

Sometimes though I do wish

for something more meaningful.

In Los Angeles most people feel like

they've never actually arrived.

There's always this chase

for something bigger and better.

Consequently no one puts down roots.

No one settles down.

It's like living in this state

of perpetual vagrancy.

I want some roots...

at least I think I do.

Oh my God did you...

did you hear?

Maybe.

2012, there is this huge planet

that is going to crash into earth

and kill... everyone!

Oh you mean like the movie?

No, I don't mean like the movie.

This is real Dale!

The movie is based on the facts.

The planet... is called Nadie!

I don't know how he got his name

and why it isn't six or eight, but

Seven is my colleague... roommate...

and closest confidant.

And I don't think I'm outing him

by saying

Seven won't be taking any girls home.

It's all over the internet

I'm obsessed with it.

I can't stop reading.

It's kind of scary don't you think?

I mean the end of the world Dale.

I don't know if I can sleep tonight?

Bowie... you wanna snuggle with me?

Huh? Come here.

I'm taking your dog.

Hey...

And you just left?

Yup.

So it's over?

I don't know.

She says that every time

and then she goes back to him.

Well maybe I'm just being paranoid?

It was time for the bi-monthly...

breakup post modern.

Who said what...

did I handle it well etc.

Can I ask you something JP?

What baby?

Come back to bed.

How many girls are you sleeping with?

Baby why you so drama?

So what?

So drama.

I mean why would he hang out

with me for six months,

and text and call... everyday?

Last night I was trying to make

this really good point.

We just had sex JP.

It's good.

I just had your penis inside of me.

But that sounded...

a lot better in my head.

- Ouch...

- Sorry.

Last week bird crap this week balls

in her face.

Ah it's typical.

Is it true he has a monster schlong?

I don't know where she gets

her information.

But that's absolutely true.

Ok I don't understand the deal

about big d*cks

I mean they just hurt.

I mean not that I've ever

really experienced one.

Becca and Hallie are my

two best girlfriends.

They're always game to listen to my

problems and dispense useful commentary.

Toe suckers freak me out.

I heard that he photographed Charlize

is that true?

I mean I love her

she's like one of my favorite.

Top five for sure.

Maybe I'm just being jealous?

Ok how do you spell his last name?

Becca what are...

tell me you're not looking him up

on the internet?

I personally think your dog is your

biggest issue in your dating life.

What?

Question, where does Bowie sleep?

He sleeps in my bed.

Ok but if a guy...

sleeps over where does Bowie go?

Um, I guess he just stays in my bed.

Wait what about fleas?

More importantly what about sniffing?

Don't dogs sniff?

Bowie stop it.

Bowie...

Ok, Ok you have a point.

Dating in general...

is difficult enough Dale.

Uh oh...

What?

Oh no...

Becca what?

Ok you know that German supermodel?

Natasha Franks.

Yeah JP shoots her all the time.

What about her?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes