Silent Retreat

Doctor!

I need you in here!

Doctor, I need you to see this.

God dammit. What? What is it?

There's been an incident.

I need your help.

Get Mr. Warren.

He'll take care of it.

But doctor...

I'm in the middle

of a surgery, nurse.

I'll get there as soon as I can.

Yes, doctor.

Where was I?

That's him.

Come on.

Come on!

Stop making things difficult.

Let me go!

Get me out of here!

Let me go. Let me out of here.

Scream all you want.

No one can hear you.

Kids.

Let me out of here!

Zula.

Are we there yet?

Yeah, Megan, we're here.

Smart ass.

Where is everyone?

Shouldn't they be here by now?

As far as I know.

Megan?

Oh, look, there's Dale.

Hey, Dale.

Welcome to Tearlon.

Not bad.

Yeah, they're still in the

process of remodeling,

but the whole

interior's brand new.

- Hey, Megan.

- Hey.

You get a look around?

Uh, no, still trying

to get to my room.

It gets more beautiful

every time I come up here.

If you'll excuse me, Rita,

we should probably show

these two to their room.

Our room?

Yeah. Come on.

Okay.

Come on in.

So everyone else called dibs.

You two are the last ones here.

So you're going

to have to share.

Hope there aren't

any objections.

Cute double beds.

Yeah. Great.

So?

I'm okay with it if you are.

It works for me.

Well, you two are

the only ones not to complain.

It seems our little group

has a talent

for finding flaws

in a free trip.

Don't worry, Dale.

I'm sure we'll

think of something.

All right.

I'll be downstairs

if you need anything.

- Thanks, Dale.

- Sure.

Wow.

Look at that view.

Oh, sh*t.

- Hey!

- - Jesus, Tedi.

Jesus? Where?

- Did you see him?

- - See who?

- The kid.

- - What kid?

The little kid.

What? I didn't see any kid.

I saw Joel.

Who the f*** is Joel?

Joel is lira's special

delivery from her

douche of the month club.

Wait, what?

Lira brought some guy.

She brought her boyfriend?

Yeah, if you want

to call him that.

But I thought this trip

was just for our department.

Yeah, I thought so too, but I

guess she found a loophole.

Which was?

She just showed up with him.

And if I'd known

you could do that,

I would have brought myself a

little something to poke on.

Tedi.

Come on. It could happen.

Fyi, you've got to share

a wall with them,

so I hope you weren't planning

on getting any sleep

this weekend.

Are you kidding me?

No.

Oh, what's this is

I hear about you

and, uh, forest sharing a room?

It's no big deal.

It's not like we're in

the same bed or anything.

Yeah, not with that

attitude you're not.

We're just friends.

Oh, so then it's cool if

we switch rooms, right?

You touch her and I'll kill you.

Don't move.

She can't see us

if we don't move.

Hey, Zac.

What's up, fellas?

What was that all about?

Shut up, Tedi.

Zac, I'll see you at dinner.

Who was that?

No one.

I can't get a signal.

You know the first

rule of vacationing.

Leave everything behind.

I know.

But this isn't a vacation, Zac.

It's a retreat.

All right, smart ass.

Attention please..

See?

Back to work.

Could I get everyone's attention

down in the living room, please?

You guys seen Tedi?

He's in the bathroom.

Probably beating off.

Nope.

I tugged one out before we left.

I am good.

All right.

Looks like everyone's here.

I just wanted to

let you guys know

you need to be

extra careful, okay?

Especially if you wander

out in the woods at night.

The caretaker said

there's a lot of bears

around this time of year.

Wouldn't look really good

on my review if one of you

come back dead or with a

huge bite out of your ass.

Don't even think about it.

All right?

Tonight's fair game, guys. Okay.

Have fun, whatever, but let's

not forget why we're up here.

We have our first

meeting tomorrow.

Yeah, why are we here?

Ah, good question.

Uh, we're up here because it's

a simultaneous pat on the back

and kick in the

pants, to be honest.

The head honchos love

what we're doing, okay?

That's why we're here.

But they're worried that

our shareholders

are going to get a little

bit antsy and jump ship

if our little growth

stock doesn't somehow

exceed next quarter's forecast.

Rita?

We'd like to start by

getting everyone together

to help inspire team unity.

Oh, and they want

to pick our brains

to see if we can figure out

ways to increase productivity.

Of course, with the same

amount of resources,

which is always nice.

It's only a couple

of meetings, people, okay?

You pretty much have

the rest of the weekend

to do whatever you want.

Like get eaten by bears?

Rawr.

Fine, if it makes you happy.

Okay?

If there aren't any

other smart Aleck remarks,

does anyone have any

questions or comments?

Yeah.

What if we see a ghost?

Meigan, ghosts aren't real.

Thank you.

Uh, what about the holy ghost?

That's not the same thing.

But you believe in Jesus, right?

Of course.

Well, isn't that kind of

like believing in Santa Claus,

but not the Easter bunny?

Tedi, you don't

believe in Christ?

Um, no, but I do believe

in the antichrist.

How come?

Because she works in marketing.

Okay.

Knock it off. Knock it off.

Let's not start a holy war.

See what you started?

At some point during the

weekend I expect

each of to thank Rita,

for talking to Penny Pinchers

into even letting

us come up here.

Thank you so much, Rita.

Thank you, Rita.

Yeah, thanks, Rita.

You're the best.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes