
She's Out of My League
1
Marnie?
I know we agreed
to take some time off.
And I think that was a great idea.
My God.
It gave us both a chance
to experiment, if you will,
and meet all sorts of new
and interesting, different people.
You did quite a bit more
experimenting than I did.
A lot more experimenting.
You are like a scientist!
With beakers and... But, obviously,
I'm cool with that. Like...
'Cause the thing is,
I think we're stronger as a result.
But here's the thing, Marnie,
it's been two years.
And that's a lot of time off.
And I'm ready for some time on.
I miss you.
I miss us.
I got something for you.
What do you think?
Oh, man!
It's depressing.
I mean, it's really depressing.
It's horrible to watch you like this.
I think this is really pretty.
How's it work?
What the hell is that?
I got it for Valentine's Day,
right before she broke up with me.
Look, Stainer, I know
you don't like her very much.
No. No. I hate her. In fact,
the day that you broke up with her,
I marked that down in my calendar
as a day of rejoicement.
with a cake with her face on it.
But instead of eating it, we smash it.
OK? You can do a lot better.
- You deserve a lot better, Kirk.
- Thank you,
but I've seen what's out there
and I don't think it gets any better.
When have you been out there?
When have you left the apartment?
I went out on four different dates.
With three girls and that guy.
I don't know what his
intentions were, but it's fine.
We had a great conversation.
He was just lookin' for a friend.
- Know what your problem is?
- What?
- You're a moodle.
- A "moodle"?
A man poodle. Girls,
they want to take you out on a walk.
They want to feed you, they want to
cuddle you. But, make no mistake,
no girl wants to do the moodle.
- No one'd ever f*ck a moodle.
- No.
- He's right.
- I'm telling you,
if you want to get Marnie back,
she has got to believe
that from the second
she broke up with you,
your life has been
a non-stop snatch parade.
Or you could just be who you are.
Why can't that be good enough?
Why don't you put your
fucking balls in here, dude?
Yeah!
- "Snatch parade." Really, Kirk?
- Yeah, it's been pretty awesome.
I've been raw-doggin' some randoms.
Usually careful. Mostly careful, though.
Always using protection.
Double-baggin' it sometimes
just to make sure there's
no seepage because...
...gonorrhea, herpes and stuff.
I don't want that.
you are doing so well with the ladies.
But, truthfully, Marnie.
I reallyjust want to give all that up
and get back together with you.
Kirk? You know I'm with Ron now.
Raw-doggin' some randoms?
Wow, Kirky, sounds like you got
some good stuff goin' on.
- Yeah.
- Thanks, Ron.
We're kind of in the middle
Oh, you want to talk? No problem.
- I'll just be in the other room.
- Thanks, buddy.
Ah, sorry. One more thing.
Is there any salsa?
You know what? I'll find it myself.
Good luck there, pirate.
- Are you kidding me, Marnie? That guy?
- That guy is an entrepreneur.
- Well, Ron owns a Pizza Hut.
- That's a business.
It's not even a real Pizza Hut!
It's a Pizza Hut Express!
Working airport security
with your dipshit friends
isn't getting you closer
to being a pilot.
I... I got you somethin'.
Like, remember that time I made you
the mix tape of all the Kate Bush songs
I thought applied to our relationship?
This is cooler.
Happy Valentine's Day
from two years ago.
Hi, honey. Everything OK?
- Yeah.
- Oh, God, what is that?
I think it's an ashtray?
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"She's Out of My League" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 7 Mar. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/she's_out_of_my_league_17969>.