Sharkansas Women's Prison Massacre

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[ Explosion ]

Perfect.

They ought to be happy

with that one.

Two more to come.

Let's wait for 'em.

[ Explosion ]

Was that thunder?

Sure hope so.

We could use

some rain around here.

I don't know,

sounded more like

an explosion to me.

Come on, ladies.

You know the drill.

Do we ever, Screw.

[ Explosion ]

[ Explosions ]

[ Snarling ]

[ Water splashes ]

It's Miller time.

Beer?

It's only 11:
00.

We've been at this since,

what, 7:
00 A.M.?

Yeah.

Four hours

under the broiling sun,

ain't a real man

deserve a brewski?

Guess so.

- I know so.

- So where, then?

- Archway?

- Forget it.

The beer's always

lukewarm over there.

- That's true.

- I'm thinking Tommy's.

But that's ten miles

out of our way.

Not if we cut across

the stream over here.

I know a shortcut that will

get us there in half the time.

You think you can make it

through that?

- It's a bog out there.

- It's not that deep.

I have a four-wheel drive.

So fine. It's not my ride.

Go for it.

Hold on then.

[ Engine starts ]

You're not gonna make it, Sam.

It's too deep.

Oh, yeah? Watch this.

[Tire squeals]

[ Tires squealing ]

Ah, yeah. I'm watching.

I'm watching.

Fred, I have it under control.

[Water splashing ]

Hey...

what's that?

[ Screams ]

[ Boat motor whirring ]

See anything?

Not yet.

I doubt we will.

Racket from that motor

gives 'em plenty of time

to lay low.

- You want me to turn back?

- Give it a few more minutes.

You got it, boss.

There. You see it?

No, can't say that I do.

Lake to the right.

Water's all muddy.

That could be

where they went ashore.

Head over there.

Will do.

And kill the motor.

- How am I supposed to--

- Stroke.

Really?

Worked for the Indians,

didn't it?

[ Motor shuts off]

Whatever you say, chief.

[ Water splashes ]

[ Birds chirping ]

Somebody's been here lately.

Grass and vines all trampled.

Eh, you think it was them?

Maybe. Maybe not.

You know, that's what

I love about you, boss.

You're very noncommittal.

Men are noncammittal, Adam.

Women are...

well, let's just say

we're mysterious.

All right.

All right, I'll remember that.

You da that,

you'll make

Detective First Grade

in no time at all.

All right, so now what?

Look for clues, silly.

You go right. I'll go left.

- And?

- And watch your butt.

If those guys

are still around here,

they're armed and dangerous.

You don't think those guys

are gonna stick around here,

do you,

with all that money on 'em?

No telling what they'll do.

My last partner

got complacent,

did a year in rehab.

All right,

well, if I find anything,

- I'll come get you.

- You do that.

[ Bird chirping ]

[ Music swells]

[ Gasps ]

Whoa. Whoa.

Kid, you almost

got yourself shot.

Come on. There's something

you gotta get a look at.

What is it?

Best you see it for yourself.

This better be good.

[ Insects buzzing ]

Woman:

What the hell happened here?

Got me. I mean, looks like

somebody was torn apart.

[ Insects buzzing louder ]

Gator, maybe?

No. I grew up in these parts.

I ain't ever seen a gator

do anything like that.

What, then?

[ Man groans]

[ Screams ]

Shark. Sh-sh-shark.

Sh-sh-sh-shark.

Uh...

- I'm gonna go call this in.

- You do that.

Sh-sh-sh-shark. Shark.

[ Water rushing ]

Relax, rookie.

This is a slack assignment.

The only thing

you gotta worry about

is the heat.

Yeah, a walk in the park.

Get out your paperwork.

We're almost there.

[ Brakes squeak]

[ Birds chirping ]

All right, ladies,

we all know who you are.

The rules state

we gotta take roll,

so when Mike

calls your name,

give me a "yeah,"

a "yo," or a "yum"

- Sarah Mason.

- Yo.

- Michelle Akila.

- Here.

- Shannon Hastings.

- I'm here.

- Samantha Pines.

- Right here as usual.

Last but not least,

Anita Gunners.

Yuppers.

They're all present

and accounted for, sir.

I told you this was

a piece of cake.

All right, ladies,

I know it's hot

and it's sticky

and you'd rather

be anywhere else,

but the warden wants

these stumps cleared

by the end of the day.

Understood?

- I think we get it.

- Yeah, you want us

to lay out, relax,

and catch some rays.

See, ladies,

a tan'll look mighty nice

at the lesbian

softball invitationals

- next month.

- [ Scoffs ]

Okay, joke time's over.

Let's get these stumps cleared

by sundown.

Water in the cooler,

and finger sandwiches

will be served

promptly at 1:
00.

Here's one without the bread.

And listen, if any of you

are thinking about

pulling a Richard Kimble,

don't.

The nearest 7-Eleven

is 50 miles away.

It's not gonna be worth

that Slurpee.

Oh, damn.

I would kill

for those cola Slurpees

just about now.

I'm afraid killing's

the only option you've got.

Don't tempt me.

- Whatever.

- Ladies.

Shovels are in the rear.

Let's get it in motion.

Come on.

- Whatever.

- I hate him.

I hate slave labor.

Hey, Mike,

you think it'll be all right

if I took a moment alone

over by the stream?

You know the rules, Pines.

If I break 'em for you,

gotta break 'em

for everybody else.

- But--

- But what?

Look.

Ah, jeez.

- What happened?

- I cut my arm

on a beer bottle

some jerk litterbug

tossed here ages ago.

Come on.

Let me at least clean it out.

Can't you wash it

right here?

No.

It's muddy and disgusting.

Come on, honey.

I'll make it

worth your while

back at holding tonight.

All right, two minutes.

Two minutes and counting,

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