Seven Dwarfs

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Seven days passed

before the world was completed.

It took six days

to create the bright side,

the cozy home of the humans,

in the shadow of the mighty castle.

On the seventh day,

the dark side was created:

The sinister forest.

These two worlds

are divided by a river.

Only one bridge crosses the river.

For a long time,

no one has dared to cross it.

We all know what the bright side

of the world looks like.

But only legends can tell us...

what lurks on the dark side.

nce upon a time

there was a sweet little girl...

known as Little Red Riding Hood.

One day, she came upon the river...

which separates the world of light

from the world of shadows.

On the other side she saw a flower...

more alluring than any

on this side of the forbidden bridge.

Unable to resist temptation,

she threw caution to the wind...

and quickly crossed over...

to the dark side of the world.

Beguiled by the scent

of the blue flower,

she lost track of time.

It's always time for dinner

when something interesting happens.

I was about to invite that creature.

What was that, anyway?

And what's for dinner?

He saw one.

- My God.

She breached the perimeter.

- Right in the forest.

And he saw her...

- This must never happen again.

We have to teach him a lesson.

- You know the rules...

The chair?

- The chair.

Not the chair!

Your Majesty! You look as fresh

as the morning dew. What am I saying?

Fresher! As beautiful as the sunrise.

You take my breath away.

Your delicate features are more

harmonious than a Schubert adagio.

A rhapsody in blonde.

Oh. Right.

Just wait, Your Majesty, your

skin cells are going to be like new

thanks to my

organic vegetable face mask.

In theory, anyway.

What else is new, right?

I knew a broad nce:

Skin like an old tire, airbags under

her eyes and hair like straw.

Your Majesty! The word beauty

should carry your name!

Your Majesty!

I know, Spliss.

Boys, that's enough.

Bubi, there is another world.

Beyond the bridge.

Are there more of these

creatures with no willy?

A ladle of nettle soup

with sorrel dumplings and coltsfoot?

Yes, Bubi, there are.

They're called "women."

And women are dangerous.

If you ever see one again,

run for your life.

Okay.

- You hear?

As fast as you possibly can.

- Yeah!

That one seemed so nice, though.

I'd like to play with her.

Bubi, this is not a game. - If women

are nice, it's to trick you.

Tshakko is right.

Remember what your mother did to you?

What?

- Your parents were bank robbers.

Bank robbers?

You'll never catch us!

Damn! They've hit us!

We're going down.

We need to lose some weight!

- What?

Yes!

That was fun.

- No, it wasn't.

Women are heartless and cold.

Stupid cows! Always in a shitty mood!

Bunch of know-it-alls.

You can't generalize like that.

- Sure I can:

Women are know-it-alls. Period.

I think...

everyone has a good side, even women.

Sure they do. Their back.

In any case, they break your heart.

I used to be a happy man.

I used to be a happy man.

Until THAT night...

Until THAT night...

...that changed my life.

...that changed my life.

But let's not talk about it.

Are you making fun of me?

Come on...

- No way...

My misery amuses you?

No, no.

- Not at all.

So what happened THAT night?

Who knows, he never talks about it.

In any event, we have to destroy

the bridge to the outside world.

Who knows what might show up next?

Ralfie!

Can I come in?

Look! A real pointy cap.

I made it myself. Can I join you now?

There's already seven of us.

Well then...

- Well then, piss off. - Wait!

I sort of like him.

- You sort of like Godzilla.

To the bridge, boys.

Hey, dwarves! Hey, dwarves!

Hey, dwarves, ho!

Hey, dwarves!

Hey, dwarves! Go, go, go!

Let's get this over with.

Jester! A jest!

What's this, your Majesty?

A brunette holding on to a thought.

And what do you see

when you look into a brunette's eyes?

The back of her skull.

What does one brunette say another

as she looks at herself in the mirror?

"Hey, I know that face."

The other one takes the mirror

and goes:
"Sure! That's me!"

Yes!

Mirror, mirror on the wall,

Who's the fairest of them all?

Yes, hello there...

I'm not sure if you knew...

but you're the fairest here.

Although... I mean...

there might be...

quite possibly... someone else.

And that would be Snow White.

Snow White!

Well, she is...

I don't want to say

more beautiful...

But actually, she sort of is.

Snow White!

I mean, come on.

The girl's got it going on!

If I weren't stuck

in this damn mirror. Whoa, boy!

Spliss!

She's alive! That b*tch of a brunette!

What did I tell you to do THAT night?

But Your Majesty,

I personally disposed of the child.

I put her

in the best orphanage in town.

That's not quite

what I meant by "dispose of."

BRUNETTES:

Do I have to do everything myself?

Security! Go! Find her!

And you... I'll talk to you later.

I hope Gaby is pretty enough

for her fairy-tale prince.

Oh, there he is.

Hello, my prince.

Your hair is especially gorgeous

today. Give your princess a kiss.

Another one.

Oh, Ben, you savage, you.

Yes, hello there...

I'm not sure if you knew...

but we got a bit of a problem.

A teensy-weensy one.

Ah, yes.

No, you're the one with the...

teensy-weensy problem.

There's a certain lady...

I don't want to mention any names...

The Queen...

And she is... I don't want to say

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