Secondhand Lions

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Let's roll!

Hey!

I'm coming!

Huh?!

Yes!

- Are you and I going fast?

- Hey!

- Hello?

- Walter?

- Yes?

- I have some bad news.

It's about your

two uncles, son.

Walter?

Walter? Walter?

Good news...

you're spending the summer

with your two uncles.

It's just gonna be for a few weeks.

A month or two, tops.

Scout's honor, okay?

Cross my heart

and hope to die, okay?

Where are you going

this time?

The Fort Worth College

of Court Reporting.

I met a guy

last night.

He's gonna pull

some strings.

Walter, you're gonna have

to learn to trust people,

or you're gonna grow up

bitter and disappointed.

You're gonna have fun

with your two uncles. You'll see.

Mom, you're

an only child.

I know

what uncles are.

Well, Mr. Smarty Pants,

It just so happens,

they really are your uncles.

Your great-uncles.

My mother's brothers.

They disappeared 40 years ago

and just showed up back here in Texas.

- Can't I come with you?

- No!

Honey, I'm gonna be working my tail

off learning court reporting.

I'm doing everything

I can to keep this family together.

How about a little

help here, okay?

Now, look...

they say these two old men

got millions

stashed away in cash.

Nobody knows

where they got it.

Got no kids, no one to leave

all that money to.

You and me, we're as close

as any family they got.

You want them

to like me

so they'll die and leave us

their money?

We could buy a house,

maybe settle down.

Oh, wouldn't that

be nice?

Oh, look! Here it is.

Here it is, honey.

Here it is.

By the way,

I hear these two were in

some state nuthouse for 40 years.

Got all their money

from a big lawsuit or something.

But then there's

lots of stories about them.

Who knows what

to believe?

Just find out where they stashed

all that money, okay?

Maybe we should've

called first.

No. Older people

just love surprises!

Here we are.

Okay.

Go away, go away!

Hey, go away! Shoo!

Show 'em you're friendly, honey.

Let them smell your hand.

They must be down there

by that lake.

Let's go!

Come on!

There he is!

- Winged him.

- He's running for it.

- Damn! Empty.

- Get ammo. I'll keep him covered.

Yoo-hoo!

Huh?

Yoo-hoo!

You send for a hooker?

Uncle Hub, Uncle Garth,

it's me, Mae!

Mae!

Pearl's daughter.

And I brought Walter,

your nephew.

- Relatives.

- Damn! God.

We're old, damn it.

Leave us alone!

The last thing we need is

some little sissy boy

hanging around all summer.

Walter, honey,

why don't you wait out here

and play, okay? I'll be a minute.

He could help out around here,

do chores.

Help out?

Your kid's a damn wienie.

I know. That's why he needs

to be around real men,

like you two.

It won't be for long.

He's got to cook for his

damn self. I'm not cooking.

Nice doggie.

Come play.

This is for your own good,

Walter.

You know...

I bet all that money

is hidden real close by.

Imagine,

a real buried treasure

just like in those books

you're always reading.

Walter, maybe if you'd learn

to smile once in a while,

then people

might like you.

Now, come on, how about a big smile

to remember you by?

Okay?

Come on!

You're gonna have to work on

that smile while I'm gone, okay?

Bye, honey!

Bye!

Well?

If my mom calls,

can we hear the telephone out here?

Don't have one.

No telephone?!

Is it okay if I go inside

and watch television?

Ain't got one.

No television?!

What do you do?

Hey!

Rumor has is you two have

millions stashed away.

Why not put some of that money

to work for you

with the high yield only investing

in gold and silver can bring?

Wee-ooh!

Wee-ooh, wee-ooh!

Can I leave you

some pamphlets?

Wee-ooh, wee-ooh

Ooh, ooh, wee-ooh,

wee-ooh

I can see them dancing,

the silhouettes on the shade

I hear the music

All the lovers on parade,

open up

I wanna come in again

I thought

you were my friend...

Gentlemen, word is out...

you are two sophisticated

men of means...

Hey!

Movin' and a-groovin'

with that beat

Jumpin' and stompin'

on the floor

- Let me in, open up

- Let me in, open up

I'll open up

that door

I hear the music,

let me in

Wee-ooh, wee-ooh.

Nice evening. Peaceful.

Hey, kid.

You sleep up there.

In the tower.

Hey... we don't know

nothing about kids.

- So if you need something...

- Find it yourself.

Or better yet,

learn to do without.

- We're both getting old.

- Fixing to die any time.

So if we kick off

in the middle of the night,

you're on your own.

- Jumpy little fella.

- Mmm.

Quiet though.

Uncle Hub?

Uncle Hub?

He's sleepwalking.

Brand new mattress and I'm still

waking up tired and sore.

So...

you two

disappeared for...

Where were you?

Africa mostly...

Morocco,

Algeria, Kenya...

Not much sadder than a couple

of has-beens jabbering

about the good old days.

Those days are through.

So are we.

I hate this!

- I hate it!

- We're retired.

Gardening is what

retired people do.

What do we want any

damn vegetables for anyway?

They're good for you.

Make you live to be 100.

Oh yeah? Yeah?

To hell with that.

You live to be 100.

- Hey, Uncle Hub!

- Hub, how are you doing?

Kids, say hi to Uncle Hub.

Hub, come back here and see

who we brought.

Uncle Garth!

Kids, say hi to Uncle Garth!

We're here

for a nice long visit.

The whole weekend. We know how lonely

our favorite uncles get.

Who the hell are you?

- Walter.

- Walter?!

Mae's boy?

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