Search Engines
- NOT RATED
- Year:
- 2016
- 98 min
- 87 Views
1
the mafia got a hold of it.
It's how the Amish do it.
I saw it on YouTube.
The Amish post on YouTube?
That is crazy.
I know, times have changed
. Wait, this is,
this is hell. I, I never gave my
mother enough credit for doing
this production year after year.
I guess I was already drinking
by the time everything was done.
It was like this magical,
mystical meal appeared
. And Bill
always did the cooking, so-
Yeah, that - Thanksgiving
is fun for everyone but the chef.
True that.
Mom has been brining the
turkey for a week. It's gonna be
more like Passover than
Thanksgiving.
Oh, what'd you say?
I just can't believe that our
mother, a woman who's
consistently flummoxed by the
microwave and who has never
made a piece of unburnt
toast, is cooking for 15.
Do you remember that one time
when she made that big pie with
that huge dome. And then
dad tapped on it and
Oh, it was so tragic.
No, it was funny.
I like his new girlfriend.
She's cool. But it's like mega
awkward when she treats me
like we're besties.
Totes, that's so off.
And she's always posting on my
Facebook and liking things.
Why don't you block her?
It would make things
kind of weird.
I do not trust those
instructional videos.
I followed one once and
seriously almost blinded
myself trying to
apply liquid eye liner.
Are you kidding?
- Bad idea.
- That's terrible
Oh look, there's my
wayward husband.
Why did you guys
drive separately?
He had to drop something
off on his way over here.
For work, on Thanksgiving?
goes or what he does.
I wonder why
she's unfriended me?
Well you live far away.
She doesn't even know you yet.
She already puts me in the
middle enough as it is.
Wait, so mom can see
what's on my Facebook?
Yeah, she's got like
this secret account.
She's like the J. Edgar
Hoover of social media.
I'll show you.
Really? An hour.
No, no, no, it's not been an hour.
Look, I had to park
like a mile away. That's - -
there's trees in this
neighborhood, everywhere.
Your obsession with
sap is unnerving.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Happy Thanksgiving.
What is that weird sound?
Uh, I don't know, I downloaded
some new ring tones,
That's probably what it is.
It sounds like a dying sparrow.
I'll set it to silent.
Will you set it to off?
Okay, happy now?
I'm gonna go help with the
buffet table, want to help me?
Sounds exciting. I'm gonna
make a cocktail instead.
Hey Kimmy.
KIMMY Oh, hey Rick.
Hey can you believe the,
uh, Vuelta, Contador and Froome
battling it out? It should
be the tour, right?
Right.
Sounds like you guys are having
fun. Kimmy, he's on restriction,
no cell phone for Rick.
No cell phone for Rick.
- Got it.
- No cell phone
I will keep an eye
on him for Rick
So Rick, uh, are, are
you going to the Giro in Italy or?
Yeah, yeah, I'll be in
Italy for the Giro.
Wow.
I'll miss the tour in France,
though, but I'm gonna go to the
Vuelta in Spain for sure.
Wow. Yeah.
Oops.
So I'm, I'm chatting with
this guy on Bottom Feeder for like
three weeks and
then he just disappears.
Bottom Feeder's bull sh*t.
People just want to chat and
chat and chat and chat and chat.
It's a bottomless chat feeder.
Okay yes, but I just
felt rejected, you know.
It's not real rejection.
It's more of a pseudo rejection.
We just had so much in
common. We both loved
Miles Davis, Dry Rieslings and
spontaneous swimming and then
poof he just disappears. I know
that this sounds horrible. But
I, I sort of hope that something
awful happened to him, or maybe
Maybe he just met someone else
Then why wouldn't he just say that?
I mean is there no
decorum left in the world?
No manners?
Was he younger?
A little, 18 years.
Well the kids are used to that
kind of interaction, it's normal
to them. It's all just virtual.
You're so much better
at this than I am. Oh my god,
I'm such a bad gay.
I've only actually gone
through with it a few times.
Right. When is the
last time that you actually
met someone in person?
Some drug addict came
on my Noguchi table.
Oh my god, poor Noguchi.
Then he put his head on
my chest and said the sound
of my beating heart
made him hard.
Yeah, I would take a serial
killer blow job at this point.
Oh, Gold Unicorn?
Hi, mom. I left you a message
on your voice mail on your cell
but it's full. I, I tried the
house. It's not working.
I don't know
why it's not working.
Yes, everything is under
control. I have mister turkey
right here. I brined it, yes,
it's very briny. All briny.
550. I don't know, whatever.
Okay. No, no, no, uh,
I, I don't need your help. I
don't. this year I am Sacajawea.
I know that she wasn't at the
first Thanksgiving. I was just
making a little bit of a joke.
Okay, I will text her and, and
make sure she does. Okay, just,
just get over here, I love you.
Okay, bye.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Hello.
Oh, three horny mules. Is that
local?
Uh, 98 points on,
uh, Wine Enthusiast.
Oh. Fabulous,
thank you.
This is very nice.
Oh well thank you for
noticing that.
Yes it's, uh, difficult to miss.
Kind of like your work.
Oh, I would have loved to have
shared your work with my
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"Search Engines" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 28 Mar. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/search_engines_17676>.
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