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This turkey looks like

the mafia got a hold of it.

It's how the Amish do it.

I saw it on YouTube.

The Amish post on YouTube?

That is crazy.

I know, times have changed

. Wait, this is,

this is hell. I, I never gave my

mother enough credit for doing

this production year after year.

I guess I was already drinking

by the time everything was done.

It was like this magical,

mystical meal appeared

. And Bill

always did the cooking, so-

Yeah, that - Thanksgiving

is fun for everyone but the chef.

True that.

Mom has been brining the

turkey for a week. It's gonna be

more like Passover than

Thanksgiving.

Oh, what'd you say?

I just can't believe that our

mother, a woman who's

consistently flummoxed by the

microwave and who has never

made a piece of unburnt

toast, is cooking for 15.

Do you remember that one time

when she made that big pie with

that huge dome. And then

dad tapped on it and

the whole thing collapsed.

Oh, it was so tragic.

No, it was funny.

I like his new girlfriend.

She's cool. But it's like mega

awkward when she treats me

like we're besties.

Totes, that's so off.

And she's always posting on my

Facebook and liking things.

Why don't you block her?

It would make things

kind of weird.

I do not trust those

instructional videos.

I followed one once and

seriously almost blinded

myself trying to

apply liquid eye liner.

Are you kidding?

- Bad idea.

- That's terrible

Oh look, there's my

wayward husband.

Why did you guys

drive separately?

He had to drop something

off on his way over here.

For work, on Thanksgiving?

Who knows where he

goes or what he does.

I wonder why

she's unfriended me?

Well you live far away.

She doesn't even know you yet.

I guess it's better that way.

Mom would be crazy jealous.

She already puts me in the

middle enough as it is.

Wait, so mom can see

what's on my Facebook?

Yeah, she's got like

this secret account.

She's like the J. Edgar

Hoover of social media.

I'll show you.

Really? An hour.

No, no, no, it's not been an hour.

Look, I had to park

like a mile away. That's - -

there's trees in this

neighborhood, everywhere.

Your obsession with

sap is unnerving.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Happy Thanksgiving.

What is that weird sound?

Uh, I don't know, I downloaded

some new ring tones,

That's probably what it is.

It sounds like a dying sparrow.

I'll set it to silent.

Will you set it to off?

Okay, happy now?

I'm gonna go help with the

buffet table, want to help me?

Sounds exciting. I'm gonna

make a cocktail instead.

Hey Kimmy.

KIMMY Oh, hey Rick.

Hey can you believe the,

uh, Vuelta, Contador and Froome

battling it out? It should

be the tour, right?

Right.

Sounds like you guys are having

fun. Kimmy, he's on restriction,

no cell phone for Rick.

No cell phone for Rick.

- Got it.

- No cell phone

I will keep an eye

on him for Rick

So Rick, uh, are, are

you going to the Giro in Italy or?

Yeah, yeah, I'll be in

Italy for the Giro.

Wow.

I'll miss the tour in France,

though, but I'm gonna go to the

Vuelta in Spain for sure.

Wow. Yeah.

Oops.

So I'm, I'm chatting with

this guy on Bottom Feeder for like

three weeks and

then he just disappears.

Bottom Feeder's bull shit.

People just want to chat and

chat and chat and chat and chat.

It's a bottomless chat feeder.

Okay yes, but I just

felt rejected, you know.

It's not real rejection.

It's more of a pseudo rejection.

We just had so much in

common. We both loved

Miles Davis, Dry Rieslings and

spontaneous swimming and then

poof he just disappears. I know

that this sounds horrible. But

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