Sarah Silverman: Jesus Is Magic

Synopsis: Sarah Silverman appears before an audience in Los Angeles with several sketches, taped outside the theater, intercut into the stand-up performance. Themes include race, sex, and religion. Her comic persona is a self-centered hipster, brash and clueless about her political incorrectness. A handful of musical numbers punctuate the performance. It begins and ends with her in conversation with two friends: at the start, she's the loser compared to their recent artistic successes; by the end, she's the star, in her dressing room, dismissive and cutting.
Director(s): Liam Lynch
Production: Roadside Attractions
 
IMDB:
6.5
Metacritic:
63
Rotten Tomatoes:
64%
NOT RATED
Year:
2005
72 min
$1,206,252
Website
78 Views


I said 'Shut up, you stupid twat' And...

- Oh my God.

- I know.

Because... And then I'm like:

'Oh f***, what did I just do?'

But then the audience loved it.

They went nuts.

And she looked like an idiot, like they're all like,

she is a stupid twat that should shut up.

- That's awesome.

- So it was like felt really good. So that's on the record.

It's all like... So many more copies.

Called someone a stupid twat on it.

Who knows. I just glut out

the record finally.

It's so good, so good.

Perhaps I'm a bit producing it. It's crazy.

Wow!

And then this book. The stupid idea

I had about how guys are jerks.

I went on Oprah with it.

Oh my God, why didn't you tell me?

I would have loved to see that.

I didn't know how would it go,

I wanted it away. You know.

- Can I come on to?

- Yeah, for sure.

Oh my God, that's so cool.

What's going on with you?

What about that pilot?

- I got it.

- Awesome.

I know. I'm waiting to hear for it's gonna get picked up.

And that looks really good. They really like it.

Awesome!

It's so great!

And Dacky was in it.

Cause I brought him to the table reading they needed

a dog for one scene and then like "He's perfect"

He is perfect.

And then I sold that script

to this Comedy Central.

- A sports thing.

- Sport show of all things.

I know. I don't even know

anything about sports.

Who loves.

It's concept, I guess.

What about a...

What about you?

What's been going on?

I haven't seen you in a while.

So much.

- Wow, really?

- Yeah.

I'm doing a lot. So...

You've been getting out a lot.

I actually wrote a show.

Wow, cool.

Are you shopping it around or...?

No it's doing it.

I mean it's...

- I mean it's gonna be on. It's a show.

- On TV?

No, but it's actually

like a play slash movie.

- It's cool. Like in a theatre.

- Wow.

Yeah.

It sounds amazing. What is it? What's it about?

Are you like the star of it? What is it?

It's about a ...

the Holocaust.

Yeah. And it's kind of a...

But it's funny.

And it's also musical.

- Oh my God, that sounds awesome.

- I know.

When are you doing it?

It's a real opus, you know.

You know what, tonight. And it's

actually tonight so I'd better skid detail.

- Right now?

- Yeah. I've got a bunch of stuff to do pre-pro.

Can we come see it?

I wanna see it.

Sh*t. It sold out. It's totally sold out,

every scene. I know, it sucks.

What if we just hang backstage and

like watch from the wings or something?

Yeah. Can we just be backstage?

We can stand by the

curtains and be quiet.

I can't think why not.

- So will you let us know...?

- Yeah, sure, definitely.

I'm excited. I'm totally excited.

So see you guys tonight.

- Good luck.

- See you at the show.

F***!

"Here I go again with my big mouth."

"Spelling off like I got some going."

"I wrote a show and it's playing tonight?"

"I'm so foolish sh*t man. What was I thinking?"

"I gotta write a show but how am I gonna

do a show. And I don't even have a show to write."

"I never wrote a show, but if I ever wrote a show,

I bet that all of them would know and thinking bites."

"You know what. F*** down."

"I could write a show."

"I could write a show. I'll just do it."

"I'll write a show."

"All it takes is elbow grease"

"And I could write a show."

"I'll write a show tonight."

"I hope I do it right."

"I could take this mixed up

world and put it in a show."

"I'll write a show alright."

"And I'll have it by tonight."

"All I need is a theatre space

and a bag of weed and a star."

"A star!"

"Great!"

"Good job, Sarah. I'm writing a whole show for tonight.

I don't even have a star. Who's gonna be my star?"

"She's gotta be pretty and

she's gotta be smart."

"She's gotta be funny and

she's gotta be hot."

"She's gotta have a perfect

smile just like me."

"I just need a star

but who could it be?"

"Julia Roberts?"

"Nah."

"Nicole Kidman?"

"Are you kidding, man?"

"Sandra Bullock?"

"Sandra Bullock."

"She's gotta be the kind of

girl that blows your mind,"

"She ought to be better than

those three twats combined."

"She's gotta have a thing

that you just can't define."

Me.

It's me.

You are beautiful.

No.

Not like this.

Alright.

I'll do it.

"I got what it takes. Got what it needs.

Got what a show needs."

"I, I'll show them more, little of me.

I'm what the world needs."

"Hear the train coming

it's coming for me."

"I'm going to Star Town."

"Hear the train coming it's coming for me."

"I'm gonna be a star now."

I'm a comedian, that's what I do.

How do we become whatever

it is that we become?

How is he a lawyer,

how is she a hooker?

How are we whatever

it is we become?

I think what it is, it's like

as we grow up from child.

You know. In our childhood we have all these disfunctions and

they kind of... they melt together and they form a formula.

An individual formula,

it drives us to be whatever it is.

We're driven to be, you know. For comedians

it's definitely like any kind of humiliation, you know.

I know for me.

I was a bad wetter willing to my teens. And continue

to have a bevy of, you know, unwanted hairs. And I...

I was raped by a doctor, which is

a so bitter-sweet for a Jewish girl.

Thank you.

I knew something good

would come out of that.

Out of rape.

I am...

I wear this saint Christopher medal sometimes because

I'm Jewish but my boyfriend is Catholic and it was just....

It was cute the way he gave it to me, you know.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes

Sarah Silverman

Sarah Kate Silverman (born December 1, 1970) is an American stand-up comedian, actress, producer, and writer. Her comedy addresses social taboos and controversial topics, such as racism, sexism, politics, and religion, sometimes having her comic character endorse them in a sarcastic or deadpan fashion. For her work on television, she has won two Primetime Emmy Awards. Silverman was a writer and occasional performer on Saturday Night Live, and starred in and produced The Sarah Silverman Program, which ran from 2007 to 2010 on Comedy Central, for which she was nominated for a Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series. She released an autobiography The Bedwetter in 2010. She also appeared in other television programs, such as Mr. Show and VIP, and starred in films, including Who's the Caboose? (1997), School of Rock (2003), Wreck-It Ralph (2012), and A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014). In 2015, she starred in the drama I Smile Back, for which she was nominated for a Screen Actors Guild Award for Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Leading Role. more…

All Sarah Silverman scripts | Sarah Silverman Scripts

0 fans

Submitted on August 05, 2018

Discuss this script with the community:

0 Comments

    Translation

    Translate and read this script in other languages:

    Select another language:

    • - Select -
    • 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
    • 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
    • Español (Spanish)
    • Esperanto (Esperanto)
    • 日本語 (Japanese)
    • Português (Portuguese)
    • Deutsch (German)
    • العربية (Arabic)
    • Français (French)
    • Русский (Russian)
    • ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
    • 한국어 (Korean)
    • עברית (Hebrew)
    • Gaeilge (Irish)
    • Українська (Ukrainian)
    • اردو (Urdu)
    • Magyar (Hungarian)
    • मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
    • Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Italiano (Italian)
    • தமிழ் (Tamil)
    • Türkçe (Turkish)
    • తెలుగు (Telugu)
    • ภาษาไทย (Thai)
    • Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
    • Čeština (Czech)
    • Polski (Polish)
    • Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Românește (Romanian)
    • Nederlands (Dutch)
    • Ελληνικά (Greek)
    • Latinum (Latin)
    • Svenska (Swedish)
    • Dansk (Danish)
    • Suomi (Finnish)
    • فارسی (Persian)
    • ייִדיש (Yiddish)
    • հայերեն (Armenian)
    • Norsk (Norwegian)
    • English (English)

    Citation

    Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:

    Style:MLAChicagoAPA

    "Sarah Silverman: Jesus Is Magic" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 28 Mar. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/sarah_silverman:_jesus_is_magic_17457>.

    We need you!

    Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

    Watch the movie trailer

    Sarah Silverman: Jesus Is Magic

    Browse Scripts.com

    The Studio:

    ScreenWriting Tool

    Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.