Santa's Slay

Synopsis: Bill Goldberg plays the devil's son who lost a wager with an angel and was forced to spend 1000 years playing Santa, but now the wager of that time has run out, and good old Santa isn't so joyful anymore. He makes up for lost time and starts to kill people.
Director(s): David Steiman
Production: Media 8 Entertainment
 
IMDB:
5.4
R
Year:
2005
78 min
Website
60 Views

Joy to the world

The Lord has come

Let Earth receive her King.

I'd better get | a Kate Spade bag this year.

And none of that shopping-mall, | chain-store shit.

Settle for nothing | less than Prada, girls.

Gwen! Don't be telling | my kids that.

I'm trying to teach them | some values.

You're getting Kate Spade.

Hey.

What does Gwenie want | from big ol' Santa?

Just a faithful husband.

What's the second thing | she wants?

You know what | I'm thinking, angel?

- What, darling? | - I was thinking,

"Dear God,

don't let this bird taste like a shoe | like it did last year.

Let it be tender and moist | just for once."

Yeah, moist. | That would be nice.

It's called "foreplay."

I don't wanna screw the bird. | I wanna eat it.

I swear to you she dehydrated | this turkey from Thanksgiving.

Come here, Scribbles.

You try it.

Scribbles.

One potato.

- Ooh, Virginia. | - Two potato.

Oh, that's a good one.

Three potato.

Let's dig in.

Listen, you half a fag!

I'll stick this fork | in your eye!

Why don't you beg Santa | for a pair of balls?

Beth, say grace.

Dear Lord,

thank you for the bountiful food | that you've provided for us,

and that our loving family | can be together this Christmas.

Also, thank you | for not making us poor

or Samoan.

Thank you | for Maxim Pharmaceuticals,

the latest M-Class,

and let those that are | less fortunate work harder.

Agh! Whoa!

Oh my God! | My stocking!

Is that...

Santa?

Yes, Virginia, | there is a Santa Claus.

Whoa!

Daddy!

Who are you? | What are you doing?

You want some?

Help!

No, Santa! No!

I've been good!

- Christmas | - The snow's coming down

- Christmas | - I'm watching it fall

- Christmas | - Lots of people around

- Christmas | - Baby, please come home

- Christmas | - The church bells in town

- Christmas | - They're ringing a song

- Christmas | - What a happy sound

- Christmas | - Baby, please come home

They're singing | "Deck the Halls"

But it's not like | Christmas at all

'Cause I remember | when you were here

And all the fun | we had last year

- Christmas | - Many lights on the tree

- Christmas | - And I'm watching them shine

- Christmas | - You should be here with me

- Christmas | - Baby, please come home

They're singing | "Deck the Halls"

But it's not like | Christmas at all

'Cause I remember | when you were here

And all the fun | we had last year

- Christmas | - Pretty lights on the tree

- Christmas | - And I'm watching them shine

- Christmas | - You should be here with me

- Christmas | - Baby, please come home

- Christmas | - If there was a way

- Christmas | - I'd hold back these tears

- Christmas | - But it's Christmas Day

- Christmas | - Please please please

- Baby, please come home | - Christmas

- Oh, oh, oh, oh | - Christmas

Oh...

What the hell is | in the Holiday Hoagie?

- Turkey, cranberry, stuffing and mayo. | - What? Slow down!

And stop smacking | on that damn chewing gum!

Yeah, uh...

turkey, Raisinettes, | Cheerios, cranberries,

gummy bears, Altoids...

Oh, you're being cute, | you little shit.

Just give me the roast beef plain, | none of that lean crap.

You're just as loony | as your crackpot grandfather.

I hope you haven't inerited that | old codger Yulesors Christmas spirit.

Tell that boob to put | some Christmas decorations up.

How're you doing there, | Mrs. Talbot? How are you?

That's a roast beef sandwich. | That's $4.75.

- That's with a senior discount? | - Yes, it is.

What a hustle!

Would $4.50 | make you any happier?

$4.50.

All right.

Here you go.

And have a very | happy holiday there, Mrs. Talbot...

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