- 4 Views
(Eerie, echoing music)
(Applause and cheering)
(Cheering and applause)
- Thank you very much! Hello!
Thank you very much! Hello!
Hell-o-o-o-o, hello, hello!
Hello, there! Hi! You lovely lot.
How are you all? Well?
How are you lads there?
Desperately trying to get to your seats
without anyone noticing!
Sorry, l said lads, it's a bloke and a woman.
How are you, sir,
That's all l can say.
Sorry, she's not, l'm sure.
Look at that, haven't even opened me mouth
That's great. Sorry, you're not.
You're a very fine-looking lady.
l'm not trying to pull her, l'm just saying...
You're late. l thought l'd try and dig myself
out of the hole l'd created.
Cos some people have the hair
and then like a bit of a fringe,
but you've fully committed, haven't you?
You've got fringe! There's no...
There's no kind of gentle kind of...
There's no, like, oh, bit of a hairline.
When you first came in there, l actually
thought you were wearing a helmet.
You know what l mean? l thought, ''Brilliant.
Wouldn't that be brilliant
if l'd laid that on as a big start to the show?
lt was amazing,
he came out, he said hello to everyone
And some lass who'd fashioned her hair
into a cannon shape,
she just stood up and went,
''Can l have a go, Ross?'' lt was brilliant!
And she walked... There's a fella
Thank God that's with laughter.
He's just going,
''How many shows have l been to where
lasses have been fired from the stage?
''Oh, why, only last week, l had a tiny woman
fired directly into me eye!
''lt was a bloody nightmare! l had to have
''Excuse me, l appear to have
a lass trapped in my face.''
The...er... Just her legs kicking out like that!
''Bloody hell, l've got a lass in me eye!''
in the eye, it would be all the gel off the hair
that had got in and was just running down.
Still... Are your eyes all right, mate?
You seem to have worn some sort of
hooded top this evening. Well done.
You're just a little bit nippy! Fair enough.
That's us. l love this weather.
l love watching hoodies.
They're not quite sure.
At the same time, they know if they put it up,
they'll be instantly arrested.
They're just there going,
''Aw, shit, what do l do? Yahhh!''
Of course, what she's cleverly done
is work the hood into a...
- ..into an actual...
That's what they should do!
''We're not allowed to wear our hoods.''
Simply grow your hair like mine,
then just gel it all forward
into a big hood situation.
Mebbes even these bits,
grow your sideburns
and have them kind of like
the pulley bits there!
if you wanted.
The... You'd look like one of those rabbis,
you know, with the curly... The, er, whoo!
That would be brilliant, wouldn't it?
the street like that, all holy and religious,
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"Ross Noble: Randomist" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 19 Jul 2019. <https://www.scripts.com/script/ross_noble%3A_randomist_17176>.