Role Models

Synopsis: Danny and Wheeler, well into their 30s, lack something: Danny feels stuck; he's sour and has driven away his terrific girlfriend. Wheeler chases any skirt he sees for empty sex. When they get in a fight with a tow-truck driver, they choose community service over jail and are assigned to be big brothers - Danny to Augie, a geek who loves to LARP (Live Action Role Play), and Wheeler to Ronnie, a pint-size foul-mouthed kid. After a rocky start, things start to go well until both Danny and Wheeler make big mistakes. Can the two men figure out how to change enough to be role models to the boys?
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): David Wain
Production: Universal Pictures
  1 win & 4 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
99 min

Thanks for everything.

Guess what I did

last night.


Now let's rock

Westside Academy!

Taste the beast!

You can do

anything you want in life

as long as you

stay away from drugs.

Why would a person

use illegal drugs?

Many reasons.

Maybe they're trying to fit

in with a new group of friends.

Maybe they're curious.

Maybe they're just bored.

But whatever the reason,

what should you say when

someone offers you drugs?

Say, "No, thanks.

I'll have a Minotaur. "

Stay off drugs! Minotaur!

Thank you, Minotaur man.

Hey! Nice cow

outfit, homo.

Where can I pick one of

those up, the gay zoo?

Oh, no. It's not a...

It's not a cow.

It's a minotaur.

It's a creature of myth,

and he got this one out

of your mom's closet.

She let me keep it

after I f***ed her.

Drugs are bad.

Energy drinks, good.

So whenever you'd like to

taste one, help yourselves.

And for every can sold,

Minotaur will make a donation

to the Keep Kids

Off Drugs foundation.

God, this suit

smells like Tater Tots.

Yeah, I know what you need.

Kiss? Are you kidding? No. God.

I love Kiss.

No one loves Kiss.

Paul Stanley is

sick of Kiss.

Whoa! Don't dis

the Starchild.

Hey, don't get me

wrong, all right?

I like to "rock 'n' roll all

night and part of every day!"

Party every day. "Rock 'n' roll

all night and party every day!"

I like to rock 'n' roll part

of every day. Party every day.

I usually have errands.


I can rock 'n' roll from, like,

Hey, guys.

How's it going?

When someone offers you some

illegal drugs, what do you say?

You say, "No, thanks.

I'll just have a Minotaur. "

I've had so many

of these things.

I'm not kidding.

I may wet my pants.

Where's the bathroom?

Holy sh*t.

Dude, this is like

Shrek's piss.

So remember, stay off drugs,

drink Minotaur and above all...

Taste the beast!

You know what's

great about this job?

You mean,

besides nothing?

We're making

the world a better place.


You know, giving the kids an

energy boost to stay off drugs.

We're selling them nuclear

horse piss for 6 bucks a can.

What an accomplishment.

Feels good, doesn't it?

Easy to do hung-over.

I could do

this job forever.

If I had to do this job forever,

I'd put a bullet in my head.

Game face, bro.



Got you, man! Got you!

Happy anniversary!

Did you know?


All right.

That was good!

Oh, my God.

You're here.

Wheeler called me. Hi.

Thank you for warning me.

Hey, I tried to tell them

you don't like surprises,

but they really wanted

to celebrate your milestone.

What's up, mino-tards?

What's up, Wheeler?

My dick!

"My dick!"

Everybody, we're here to

celebrate my best friend, Danny!

We just work together.

Not "best friend. "

Be nice.

Danny's been

working here 10 years!

That's almost

a decade of living the dream.

You're the

man, Danny!

I want to grow

old with you, Danny.


we'll be tasting the beast

for the rest of

our lives together!


All right!

It's early morning

The sun come out

Last night was shaking

And pretty loud

This is a nightmare.

Come on. I took

the afternoon off.

There's cake! Let's

try and enjoy ourselves.

Mitch from Graphics,

take over!

Do it!

Let's go next!

Come on. It'll be fun.


Why not? Come on.

We'll do a duet!

Getting up in front

of a group of people

and singing is not my

idea of fun. All right?

It's humiliating.

With another sin

I'm gonna sing.

Here I am


Rock you like a hurricane

Come on, come on, come

on, come on! Yeah, yeah!

Here I am

Come on. Sing it!

Rock you like a hurricane


Rate this script:(5.00 / 1 vote)

Paul Rudd

Paul Stephen Rudd (born April 6, 1969) is an American actor, comedian, writer, and producer. He studied theatre at the University of Kansas and the British American Drama Academy, before making his acting debut in 1992 with NBC's drama series Sisters. He is known for his starring roles in the films Clueless (1995), Romeo + Juliet (1996), Wet Hot American Summer (2001), Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004), The 40-Year-Old Virgin (2005), Knocked Up (2007), Role Models (2008), I Love You, Man (2009), This Is 40 (2012), Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues (2013) and The Fundamentals of Caring (2016). In the Marvel Cinematic Universe, he played the superhero Ant-Man in Ant-Man (2015), Captain America: Civil War (2016), Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018) and will return in Avengers 4 (2019). In addition to his film career, Rudd has appeared in numerous television shows, including the NBC sitcom Friends as Mike Hannigan, along with guest roles on Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! and Parks and Recreation (as businessman Bobby Newport), and hosting Saturday Night Live. Rudd received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame on July 1, 2015. more…

All Paul Rudd scripts | Paul Rudd Scripts

FAVORITE (0 fans)

Submitted on August 05, 2018

Discuss this script with the community:



    Translate and read this script in other languages:

    Select another language:

    • - Select -
    • 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
    • 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
    • Español (Spanish)
    • Esperanto (Esperanto)
    • 日本語 (Japanese)
    • Português (Portuguese)
    • Deutsch (German)
    • العربية (Arabic)
    • Français (French)
    • Русский (Russian)
    • ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
    • 한국어 (Korean)
    • עברית (Hebrew)
    • Gaeilge (Irish)
    • Українська (Ukrainian)
    • اردو (Urdu)
    • Magyar (Hungarian)
    • मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
    • Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Italiano (Italian)
    • தமிழ் (Tamil)
    • Türkçe (Turkish)
    • తెలుగు (Telugu)
    • ภาษาไทย (Thai)
    • Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
    • Čeština (Czech)
    • Polski (Polish)
    • Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Românește (Romanian)
    • Nederlands (Dutch)
    • Ελληνικά (Greek)
    • Latinum (Latin)
    • Svenska (Swedish)
    • Dansk (Danish)
    • Suomi (Finnish)
    • فارسی (Persian)
    • ייִדיש (Yiddish)
    • հայերեն (Armenian)
    • Norsk (Norwegian)
    • English (English)


    Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:


    "Role Models" STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 29 Jul 2021. <>.

    We need you!

    Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

    Watch the movie trailer

    Role Models

    The Marketplace:

    Sell your Script !

    Get listed in the most prominent screenplays collection on the web!


    The Studio:

    ScreenWriting Tool

    Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.