Synopsis: Plagued by uninsured patients, greedy insurance companies, heartless health care conglomerates, and stressed out doctors, the health care delivery system is on the verge of a total breakdown - and Jake Gorman couldn't be happier. The egomaniacal medical malpractice attorney has it all. His face adorns billboards, his ads run constantly on TV and radio, while his army of informants tip him off to profitable new cases. Suing doctors has made Jake a famous and very wealthy man. Jake never met a doctor he couldn't sue, until now. As a cost cutting measure at its hospitals, R.I.P Healthcare has developed the perfect doctor. MD 63 (a.k.a. Robo-Doc) is a robotic doctor whose data bank contains all the medical knowledge in the world, and therefore Robo-Doc CAN'T make a mistake. Robo-Doc was designed to save both money and lives. Success would bring flawless, affordable health care to all and spell ruin for Jake Gorman.
Genre: Comedy, Sci-Fi
Director(s): Stephen Maddocks
Production: National Lampoon Inc.
96 min

Hey, can you help me?

I need a doctor.

No, my friend,

you need a lawyer.

Call me.


Good morning, boys.

Looks like you lost your patient again.

Do I have to separate you two?

Stop it! Stop it!

Stop it!

Wait your turn.

Don't you know everybody

is in here is waiting?

Go take a seat.

Take a seat over there.

Do you have an insurance card?


Take a seat over there,

and fill out these forms.


Over there.


Your eyeball.


Hey, that's you buddy.

Guess that's me.

I've got this incredibly painful paper cut.

Do you have an insurance card?

Yes, I do.

Code Green! Code Green!

Oh, my goodness!

Nice booty!

Thank you.

Thank you!

Great, on top of everything else,

the circus is in town.


Do I have to see all these patients by myself?

Where are my doctors?

They're at a meeting

on electronic charting, Dr. Roskin.

Didn't you get the memo?

No, there's nothing in my box.

I sent it to you by email.

Email, yes, damn computers.

Look, find the technology

to page Dr. Callaby. I need help down here.

Dr. Callaby, to the E.R., stat.

Dr. Callaby, to the E.R., stat.

Dr. Callaby, to the E.R., stat.

Dr. Callaby, to the E.R., stat.

Oh, too bad, so sad.

Just started this round,

got 17 holes to go.

Hey, how nice of you all to join me.

Dr. Murphy, you take the clown in room 5.

Dr. Keefe, you take the headache in room 7.

He's got a headache?

No, he is a headache.

Bonacasa, the mime in

room 9 is all yours.

- What's wrong with the mime?

- Didn't say.

Go, go, go!

Nurse Nancy, if you'd be good enough

to pry yourself away from that screen.

You should be paging

Dr. Ramalama to the E.R.,

and I want Dr. Mills down here

for the F.L.K. In room 6.

Can't pay your electric bill?

Sue your doctor.

I'm Jake Gorman,

Attorney at Law, and I care for you.

Rat bastard.

Mr. Jenkins? What seems to be

the problem today?

Now, wait a minute.

I don't want some snot-nosed punk

who's not even able to shave yet

telling me he's my doctor.

I want a real doctor.

I am a real doctor, okay?

And I assure you I am most qualified...

Is there a problem here?

No, no problem.

You're damned right there's a problem.

I've been waiting for two hours

to be seen be a real doctor.

One with hair on his pee-pee.

I know my rights.

I'm going to call my lawyer.

I'm Dr. Roskin, Chief of Staff.

I've been running this E.R.

For some 25 years now.

On the pee-pee hair front,

I boast a rather generous

thatch of botanical splendor,

much of it a well-earned gray.

May I see the chart, please?

I see that you've never been vaccinated

against tetanus, rabies, distemper,

Dengue fever, malaria,

rockin' pneumonia or the boogie-woogie flu.

No, that's okay, doc.

I don't need those shots.

Well, medically I'm sure you're right,

but the lawyer you said you would be calling

would call me negligent

if I didn't give them to you,

so, Nurse Helga, please,

if you would assist the young Doctor Keefe.

- Thank you.

- Yes, doctor.

- Dr. Murphy?

- Yeah.

There's a patient here who insists

on being seen by you.

Okay, thanks.


Thank you very much.

Dr. Murphy?

- Yes?

- Damn glad to meet you.

Oh! This is from Jake Gorman's office.

You've been served.

Have a nice day, doc.

Damn. That's the third malpractice suit

today, you punk!

I don't think that hip is broken at all.

Let's try standing. There.

Yes, good, okay.

- We'll walk a little...

- I quit!

Dr. Murphy.

I try to help these upstanding citizens,

how do they repay me?

By suing me every chance they get.

I'm finished!

Now Bradley, please, don't leave me now.

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:


    "Robodoc" STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 26 Jan. 2021. <>.

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