Risky Business

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The dream is always the same.

JOEL:
Instead of going home,

I go to the neighbors'.

I ring, but nobody answers.

The door is open, so I go inside.

I'm looking around for the people,

but nobody seems to be there.

And then

I hear the shower running...

...so I go upstairs

to see what's what.

[WATER RUNNING]

JOEL:

Then I see her.

This... girl.

This incredible girl.

I mean, what she's doing there

I don't know...

...because she doesn't live there...

...but it's a dream, so I go with it.

''Who's there?'' she says.

''Joel,'' I say.

''What are you doing here?''

''I don't know what I'm doing here.

What are you doing here?''

''I'm taking a shower,'' she says.

Then I give her:

''You want me to go?''

''No,'' she says.

''I want you to wash my back.''

So now I'm getting enthusiastic

about this dream.

So I go to her, but she's hard to find

through all the steam and stuff.

I keep losing her.

Finally, I get to the door...

...and I find myself in a room

full of kids taking their College Boards.

I'm over three hours late.

I've got two minutes

to take the whole test.

I've just made a terrible mistake.

I'll never get to college.

My life is ruined.

BARRY:

All right, here's the game:

Five-card draw with a spit.

Anaconda, high-low.

Pass two to the right,

one to the left...

Deuces, aces, one-eyed faces wild.

Guts to open.

So, what happened?

Last night?

That's right, with Kessler.

She was babysitting down the street.

We know that.

JOEL:

So I went over there.

Turns out that, uh,

she was giving the kid a bath...

...and accidentally hit

the shower thing.

-Her clothes were drying upstairs.

-That could happen.

-That's possible.

BARRY:
Tell me about it, tell me about it.

So she plops down

right on the kitchen floor...

...under Mr. Coffee...

...she looks up at me and she says:

"I think I'm in the mood."

-She said that?

-Ha, ha.

-I'm telling you.

-What did you say?

I didn't have to say anything.

What did you do?

What do you think I did?

I think you got the hell out of there,

ran home and whacked off.

[ALL LAUGHING]

-Right.

-I disagree.

Did you have your bike there?

Yeah.

I think you jumped on your bike,

pedaled home and whacked off.

[ALL LAUGHING]

-That's what you guys think, right?

GLENN:
Yeah.

Ride home? With Kessler sitting there

on the floor like that, just wanting me?

Yup. Flog the bishop.

[OTHERS LAUGHING]

MILES:

No guts, Goodsen.

Yeah. Only when it came down to it,

I just wasn't attracted to her.

That should never stop you.

She seemed too big.

It could've worked out.

I figured I'd have gotten into trouble.

God. Sometimes you gotta say,

"What the fuck" Make your move.

That's easy for you to say.

I mean, you're all set.

You're probably going to Harvard.

Me, I don't want to make a mistake,

jeopardize my future.

Joel, you wanna know something?

What?

Every now and then, say,

"What the fuck."

[CAR ENGINE STARTS]

"What the fuck" gives you freedom.

Freedom brings opportunity.

Opportunity makes your future.

[CAR HORN HONKS]

GLENN:
Miles.

-Be right there.

So your folks are going out of town.

Tomorrow.

You've got the place all to yourself?

Yeah.

What the fuck.

If you can't say it...

...you can't do it.

Joel, did you get your SAT scores

yesterday?

JOEL:

Yes.

Well, how did you do?

JOEL:
Five ninety-seven, Math.

Five sixty, Verbal.

If you wanted to,

could you take them over again?

JOEL:
I guess so.

-Great.

Joel, I want to show you something.

MOTHER:

Honey, did you pack my Mace?

It's in your cosmetic case.

[EASY-LISTENING MUSIC

PLAYING ON STEREO]

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