Return to Nuke 'Em High Volume 1

Synopsis: Return to the Class of Nuke 'Em High follows a young couple that are up against the school glee club. Unfortunately, the glee club has mutated into a gang called The Cretins. When the other students begin to undergo mutations, our couple must solve the mystery and save Tromaville High School.
Genre: Comedy, Horror, Sci-Fi
Director(s): Lloyd Kaufman
Production: Anchor Bay Films
 
IMDB:
5.5
Metacritic:
40
Rotten Tomatoes:
57%
NOT RATED
Year:
2013
85 min
$4,735
Website
8 Views

NARRATOR:

Greetings from Tromaville.

Let me take you back,

back to where it all began...

to a small town

in New Jersey.

At that time, the Tromaville

nuclear power plant

had a horrifying meltdown,

tainting the water supply

of Tromaville High School,

which was carelessly located

right next door.

Heinous mutations occurred,

transforming the student body

into radiated creatures

and cretins.

Well, not every student

turned evil.

Our heroes Warren and Chrissy

saved the day

by blowing up

the nuclear power plant

and the school therein,

eliminating evil

and setting things

back to normal.

Oh, and some other stuff

also happened.

But today,

since criticizing nuclear power

is no longer in vogue,

at least in movies,

the Tromaville nuclear power plant

has been bulldozed

to make way for

the environmentally friendly,

health-conscious

Tromorganic Foodstuffs Inc,

built directly on top

of the old nuclear plant.

What could go wrong?

This is no typical remake.

I want you to join me

as we "Return to Nuke 'Em High"!

Oh, by the way, excelsior!

Nuke 'Em High

Nuke 'Em High

The sun comes up,

a brand-new day

The student body,

time to pray

They take that test,

they concentrate

'Cause no one wants

to be a waste

But outside of

The classroom walls

The Geiger counter

Tells it all

Can't see or feel

or smell or taste

The remnants

of the nuclear waste

I just

Really want to know

I just

Really want to know

What's going on

At Nuke 'Em High?

What's going on

At Nuke 'Em High?

What's going on

At Nuke 'Em High?

What's going on...

( MAN AND WOMAN MOANING )

At Nuke 'Em High?

WOMAN:
That's hot.

( SCREECHING )

Your wiener feels like

it's flopping around

like a fish without oxygen.

You're fishing with John, baby.

Your name's John?

No, it's Gil, but whatevs.

OMG,

f*ck me with your

fish dick, Gil!

Oh! Something's got me.

- I got you, baby.

- No, no.

Your box... it's biting me.

Whatever you're doing,

it's getting me hot.

No, don't stop.

( BOTH SCREAMING )

( SCREAMING )

( SCREAMING )

What kind of god...?

( JANITOR SINGING )

Nuke 'Em High

What's going on

At Nuke 'Em High?

Eh.

( COW MOOING )

( FACTORY WHISTLE BLOWS )

Stack some medals,

don't make a fuss

Forget about the two of us...

( DEVICE BLEEPING )

We're off to war

- Doesn't matter if you'll agree

- MAN:
Hi. Hi.

You're here to kill,

you see...

( MAN OVER SPEAKERS )

Attention, Tromorganic employees,

please stop dancing

and acting goofy.

President and CEO Herzkauf

will be making

his inspection shortly.

And do your best...

- ( MAN FARTS )

- Stick some bayonets

In some chests...

Now look, laddie,

I want my ultracheap foodstuffs

in every school in New Jersey

at inflated prices.

That is the basis of our plan,

and you know it.

No fast-food place

will take my food anymore.

Hmm?

( SCREAMS )

God damn it!

Now you... you, Westly, as principal

of the guinea pig charter school...

- Sir, the president's on the line!

- Give me that.

Oh! Why do you do that?

Yes, Mr. President.

- Disconnected.

- I'll get him back!

Now what is all this about

a rogue student blog, Pollution Nerdz,

talking about my foodstuffs

contaminating the groundwater

and poisoning the students?

It's slanderous.

And it may be true.

If word got out, we'd be ruined.

I got him back!

( ARNOLD GASPS )

I'm going to...

give me that. Give me that.

Yes, Mr. President.

Oh, everything is just going

beautifully... beautifully.

Look, there's...

there's always gonna...

( HERZKAUF GURGLING )

There's always gonna be a Zuckerberg

in every school. Everything's fine.

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"Return to Nuke 'Em High Volume 1" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 10 Dec. 2019. <https://www.scripts.com/script/return_to_nuke_%27em_high_volume_1_16860>.

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