Private School

Synopsis: Christine (Phoebe Cates), a student at an exclusive all-girls private school, is in love with Jim, who attends an academy for boys nearby. Christine's arch rival Jordan also has her eye on Jim, and she is willing to do whatever she can to steal him away. Jim's uber-slob buddy Bubba is going with Betsy, Christine's cynical friend, though he would probably be unfaithful if any other woman were willing to get near him. Bubba and his pals sneak into the girls' school dressed in drag in hopes of reaching the Promised Land (better known as the women's shower room), while Christine and Jim run away together for the weekend, though their escapade isn't as romantic as they had hoped.
Genre: Comedy, Romance
Director(s): Noel Black
Production: Universal Pictures
89 min


"Her nipples now so erect they

seemed to reach out for him.

"Then in one quick movement,

he took her full inside his mouth."

Listen to this.

Hey, guys, wait for me.

Hi, Sharon. Hi, Jan.

Come on, hurry up.

We're gonna miss them.

They're gonna be

dressed already. Come on!

"Never had she wanted a man this much.

"Her longing swelled

from deep inside her."

Come on, Bubba, I

can't hold you forever!

Come on, Bubba, we can't

hold you much longer!



Hey! Oh, Bubba.

I got... I got one!

That way. Move it, chump. That way!

Move it. Move it.

Come on, get over that way.

Move it, get over there.

"She felt as if she'd been pierced to

the very soul by a bolt of lightning."

Betsy, listen to this.

"And then, just then, he

raised himself up above her

"and plunged his fullness

into her waiting..."

Can you believe this?

Hello, Chrissie, darling.


Hi, Jordan.

Is anything wrong?


Quick, she's going into the room.

- Not at all.

I just can't get

dressed for the big event

till my roommate finishes

ironing my blouse!

Well, do you wanna

borrow something of mine?

You can't be serious.

I mean, that's very sweet of you,

Chrissie, but I couldn't possibly.

Tell me, do you have any

of that gaudy nail polish?

I wanna do my toes.

I just don't feel dressed

till my toes are done.

What's this color called?

Naked pink.

Look at her picture.

Hey, Bubba, you all right?

Thanks for the nail polish, Chrissie.

Where you going?

To the stables.

She's given us so much horseshit,

it's only fair we give some back.

Christine Ramsay makes me sick.

If I have to spend one more

night watching her and Jim Green

slobber all over each other,

I think I'm gonna scream.

It sounds like maybe

you're a little jealous.


I could have Jim in a minute!

That's some big horse.

Oh, God. Excuse me.

Oh, gross, Betsy, that stinks!

It sure does.

You've gotta let me light it.

You've gotta let me light it.

Fire! Fire! Fire!

This is embarrassing. Just try this.




Come on.

Do you wanna dance?

Do you wanna dance?


Do you wanna dance?


Good evening.


For those of you who

do not know who I am,

I am the headmistress here at

Cherryvale, Prudence Dutchbok.

Good old Miss Douchebag!

I would like to take this opportunity

to welcome some very special guests.

The outstanding ladies of the

Cherryvale Building Committee.

A round of applause.

Largely due to their generosity,

we will soon have our new wing.

I would also like to

welcome our neighbors,

the young men from the

Freemount Academy for Men.

And now, all you boys and girls

have a grand and glorious time.

Would it be like that?

Like in that book, I mean?

Oh, no, of course not.

It wouldn't?

No, I mean, it would be.

It would be just exactly like the book.

Well, okay, then,

maybe we should try it.


Do you really wanna do it? All right!

Look, Chris, this isn't something

you just jump into, you know?

I mean, I wouldn't want you to do anything

you're not totally ready for or anything.

What do you mean?

Well, it's just that it's such

a big step and everything and...

I love you, Jim.

I love you, too, Chris.

You're perfect, you know that?

Yeah, I guess I am.

I'm telling you. The closer

he gets the bigger it gets.

Peter, this is Miss Birdie Fallmouth.

Hello, Peter.

And next is Christian, Miss Fallmouth.

Aren't any of you young

gentlemen going to stand up?

Your name?

Oh, I'm Roy, ma'am.

Hi, Roy.

And this is Bubba Beauregard.

Pleasure to meet you, ma'am.

She's such a nothing.

I absolutely don't understand

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Dan Greenburg

Dan Greenburg (born June 20, 1936) is an American writer, humorist, and journalist. His more than 70 books have been published in 20 languages in 24 countries. His best-selling books for adults include How to Be a Jewish Mother, How to Make Yourself Miserable, Love Kills, Exes, and How to Avoid Love and Marriage. He writes four series of children's books, The Zack Files, Secrets of Dripping Fang, Maximum Boy, and Weird Planet. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Private School" STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 18 May 2021. <>.

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