Pirates of Tortuga

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[Man] The ship's comin'in.

The ship's comin'in.

Hey, nipper.

Where's everybody goin'?

The privateer ship's comin' in.

The Mermaid.!

- It's tyin'up.!

- Come on. Let's go!

The ship's comin' in!

Hey, home port

never seemed so good, eh?

- No sight of me old lady.

I'm guess I'm in luck.

- [Laughing]

Ship's comin'in.

Ship's comin'in. Ship's comin'in.

Women! Let me at 'em!

[Laughing, Chattering]

Boat comin' in.

- Three years it's been.

- Looks like all the lassies

in London come down to meet us.

Don't keep 'em waiting.

I'll pipe you ashore, mates.

Hold it!

You sailors

stand where you are.

You are Captain Bart Paxton?

- I am.

- To Bart Paxton,

master of the Mermaid...

commissioned privateer by order

issued under the authority

of his gracious majesty...

Charles II, your ship

is declared quarantine.

No officer or crew may leave ship

under penalty of naval law.

Except you, sir.

Have the goodness to accompany me.

Have I any choice?

No, sir. A carriage is waiting

for you on the dock.

After three years

on a scurvy deck...

they'll not keep me

out of London tonight.

- Me, neither.

- I'll nip a herring in Gin Lane

or know the reason why.

I'll jump ship!

Go over the side and you'll

part company with me.

I'm pledged to obey

Admiralty orders.

But, Captain, we've been six month

without sight of a female!

If I can't pipe us ashore,

we'll pipe them aboard!

[Cheering]

[Chattering]

Ho there, Kipper.

You're a bit young for that party.

I think you'd best go with me.

- Where to, sir?

- I don't know.

That seems to be

the red coats' secret.

- You want me, Captain?

- No.

The boy is going with me.

Do I need an escort

to a dingy rum house?

A certain gentleman acquaintance

of yours is waiting

for you inside, Captain.

Right this way, please.

- You'd better stay here, Kipper.

- Aye, aye, Captain.

In here, sir.

Sir Francis Crawford!

Bart, you young scoundrel.

Sorry to use these cloak-and-dagger

tactics to get you here. But, uh...

what I have to tell you is not exactly

official Admiralty business.

Thought you were still

royal governor in Madras.

I'm dry-docked to the Admiralty now.

Sit down, Bart. Sit down.

Glass of sherry?

Bart, I've an assignment

for you in the West Indies.

It's going to make what we did

in Madras look like child's play.

We scuttled a few galleons

together, didn't we?

[Sighs] There's no more adventure

since we've made the peace with Spain.

The armistice has changed

England's problems a bit...

but it hasn't

ended them.

You've heard

of Henry Morgan?

That blood-soaked pirate!

Surely you wouldn't be

asking me to serve with him.

No. Destroy him.

Morgan's returned to his

old trade... buccaneering.

I want you to

root him out ofTortuga.

Wipe his fleet from the seas.

[Inhales]

It might be done...

if I could muster some of

my old officers who served

with me when I was Royal Navy.

Gentlemen officers?

Pirates don't fight like

English gentlemen.

There are no rules of war

in Morgan's book.

The three gentlemen I'm thinking of

could sink the devil.

Then get them.

I've already ordered

your ship to be refitted.

Ha! Ah!

Kipper, do you think you

can find these addresses for me?

With my eyes closed, sir.

Ha!

[Man]

Stop, thief! She stole my purse.! Stop.!

- Stop, thief!

- You talking to me, mister?

Get in, fox. The hounds

are at your heels.

Let go of me,

you blasted gentleman!

Thank you, sir. Come on, you little

thief. It's the gallows for you.

Wait a minute.

The gallows?

- Just for stealing a purse?

- It's the law.

Get 'em!

They're working together.

I'll split you

from head to heart!

Watch out, bucko!

That's the way!

Come on!

Use your toad sticker!

Slit his gizzard! Come on!

You bilge rats!

[Laughs]

That dirty scum. He made me

spill all my coppers!

- Your coppers?

- Finders, keepers, says I.

Anyway, who's particular?

The law that

punishes petty thievery.

Who's a thief?

I am an actress.

With, uh, two very visible

assets I'd say.

[Bagpipe]

That's my ship.

You'll be safe enough now.

Oh! One piece of advice, though.

If you hope to continue

with your... your acting career...

you're gonna have to learn

to keep your hands in your own purse.

I'll do without

your advice, sailor.

And never fear...

The gypsy told me

I ain't gonna end on no gallows...

be whipped in no stocks or be

shipped to no colonies.

Because I'm smart,

that's what.

Hey! My name is Meg.

What's yours?

Nice meeting you. Good-bye.

[Chattering]

- The three gentlemen are waiting

in the wardroom, Captain Bart.

- Good lad!

Kipper, tell Bonnet to start

clearing the deck.

This hulk's beginning

to smell like Gin Lane.

Aye, aye, Captain.

Let's have another drink.

- Ahoy there, girlie.

- Let go of me, you blasted bilge rat.

Now, you wouldn't have let anybody

get away with that a year ago.

[All Laughing]

Percy. Dripping lace like an admiral's

gig. Would never have known you.

Any lady got her grappling hooks

into you yet, Reggie, my lad?

Oh, I can still outsail

the best of'em, Bart.

Well, look, never mind about us, Bart.

What brought you home so quick?

I have a need

for your talents.

I have a cruise in mind that'll take the

stench of the land out of your lungs...

that is if you, uh, still

have the stomach for adventure.

Oh! Soft!

[Laughs]

[Sighs]

Oh! Captain!

And me in my boudoir. But...

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