Pigs

Cleaver:
She's going,

"I can't, I can't"

I'm like, "Come on,

Patty, why not?"

And then she says,

"Because my teeth are jagged"

What a f***in' freak,

can you believe that sh*t?

What was she doing down there

if she wasn't going to put it in?

Hey, Miles

Miles:
Gentlemen, I have just

enjoyed my first threesome

Various:

Ooh's and Aaah's

Whoo!

Are these the Quinn twins?

You son of a b*tch, you got double teamed

by the fabulous Quinn twins

Dude, you been

on such a wicked tear lately, man

Weren't you with that blonde

f***in' hottie just last week?

That's right, Tommy

Debbie Zimmerman

Wasn't her box

completely shaved?

He likes the clean biscuit

Miles:

You don't mind it either

Tommy:
What about that freaky-ass chick

from a couple weeks ago?

- Anita Kahn

- Anita Kahn

She had a stellar body

Cleaver:
Gave you all three

inputs if I recall

Nothin' wrong with a little

mud on the old helmet

Cleaver:

Miles, Anita Kahn

Is that Kahn

as in James Caan,

or Kahn as in wrath of?

Wrath of, why?

Well, Quinn, Zimmerman, Kahn

The "Q","Z", and the "K",

those gotta be the most difficult letters

in the whole alphabet Right?

I guess

Look, I gotta get this down on paper,

while it's still fresh

I'll see you strugglers later

You still keep a record

of every chick he bangs?

Oh yeah, bangs,

hummers, hand jobs, ass play,

you name it

It's all in the journals

F***, dude, how does he do it?

Some guys

they're just born with it

And the rest of us well, we have to

wait around for the jagged tooth retards

Adios, ladies

Hey, don't lock me out again

Cleaver:

F*** off!

Miles:

Oh Ben, I'm sorry

Nice! Snappin' one off, are we?

Leave him alone!

Big deal, like he's the only one

that's beatin' his eggs in this place?

It is a big deal to him

All right?

He's not like you, thank God

He's shy

Cleaver:
And is that

my f***in' problem? Come on, Miles

That f***in' p*ssy has gotta start acting

like one of the guys sooner or later

Miles:
Yeah, I know, but just don't

bust his balls when he comes back

Yes, Mom

Can I see the picture again?

Are you going to bust his balls?

No No!

Don't lick it!

CMFU, Campus Radio

Cleaver:
In less than a month,

you railed a "Q", a "Z" and a "K"

I still can't get over that

Miles:

Yup

You know with those

letters out of the way,

you could probably hoink the entire alphabet

before you graduate

I mean, If you haven't already

Who was before the Kahn?

Let's see what

the good book has to say

We had Tanya Anderson,

Debbie Spinoza;

before that we had

Marcia Springer and Sue

HmmSue, uh Sutinsky

I gotta write slower,

but it definitely starts with an "S"

Okay, so that's like three "S"s

Okay what a waste

Who would have thought

the "S"s were such sluts

Hmm

Why don't you do it, man?

Why don't you do

the entire alphabet?

F*** off!

No, no, just listen, listen

Using your books, and some of

those pictures that you've taken,

we figure out which letters

you've already gotten since, like, first semester

Then we figure out which letters

you have to get before you graduate,

I don't know, to make it complete

And what for?

Because we could parlay

a poontang quest like this

into some major coin,

that's what for

You mean actually

take bets on this?

Hell yeah

You know,

don't take this the wrong way,

but I don't think I want to get involved

in any of your gimmicks

F***, Miles!

Is it the battery?

It's the battery

Do you know

what you're doing?

I like to think so

Here, hand me that file

Thanks

Here, try that,

that should work

Try that, that should work

You should really get

the battery replaced

Yeah, I've been told

I should get the battery

replaced

Thanks

Cleaver:
Now, there are two months left

before Miles graduates,

and according to his diaries,

these are the letters he's already gotten

And these are the ten letters

he has yet to get

Now there will be an overall bet

whether he completes the whole alphabet or not

Those are 30 to 1 odds,

as well as side bets

for each individual letter

The tougher the letter,

the greater the odds

Who decides

which are the tough letters?

Common sense does

Okay, names starting

with "M"s and "N"s,

they're a lot more common

than those starting with "U"s and "V"s,

so "U"s and "V"s

would be the tougher letters

And let us not forget the

mother of all tough letters,

the dreaded "X"

I think it'd be impossible to meet an "X",

let alone f*** one,

so the odds on the "X"

are already 10 to 1

Am I going too fast

for anyone here?

Big Eddie:

If you're serious,

I definitely want in on this action

Cleaver:

I'm glad to hear that, but, uh

there's just one, teeny,

weenie little setback

What's that?

Miles ain't exactly agreed

to do this yet

Okay, let me get this straight

You want me to carry a camera

with me at all times,

no matter where I go,

find girls whose last names

start with specific letters of the alphabet,

have sex with them,

and either talk them into

letting me take their picture,

or if they're not into it

wait around till

they've fallen asleep,

then very quietly take a picture of them

without waking them up,

and then bring the picture back here

as proof for you strugglers

Yeah, is that going

to be a problem for you?

No, I just wanted to

make sure I got it straight

I can't believe I'm

actually witnessing this

Hey, even if you ain't bettin',

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