Perfect Sisters

Ever since I can remember...

it was always my sister and me against the big,

bad world.

I am telling you guys...

you are so gonna dig our new crib.

It's really cool.

So far, I've counted seven pawn shops and...

11 liquor stores.

No. You're gonna love it.

It's got way more space than our other place...

it's got really cool shopping nearby,

there's a mall.

And it's a chance for us to make a fresh start.

It's gonna be kick-ass.

Can you please not say kick-ass?

Or dig? Or you know, crib?

Okay, Beth.

Sorry that I don't know the lingo.

Sorry that I'm not so hip.

Can't I go live with my dad?

No.

I honestly can't remember a time...

when my sister and

I didn't cling to each other like velcro.

God, we slept in the same crib

till we were four.

Bobby didn't show up till Boyfriend Five.

Maybe Six.

He's seven.

Okay, you gotta get up and help now.

- I can't do it all by myself.

- As if.

Come on, Sandra.

Okay.

- Come here!

- Oh, sh*t!

You gotta get off me, you cretin!

Why so glum chum? Smile!

Our new shack is, shall we say... uninspired.

- Oh, don't be sad. I hate it, I hate it.

- I am sad.

- Please, please, please!

- Okay, just get off me!

Okay, I say that we do a "what if."

You know, like, like what if...

there is a hidden laboratory in the basement?

And, not unlike

the imaginings of Mary Shelley...

we build the perfect monster?

Did you say the perfect mother?

What's up, baby girls?

We gotta do way less unpacking

and way more buying you guys sh*t at the mall.

- Yes!

- That's just impractical.

Strawberry cupcakes? Your favorite.

She's so sweet! I like her.

No.

Boring.

Namaste.

- We kinda need that.

- Too zen.

The spiritual thing would get on my nerves.

- Love the Chanel suit.

- Money!

- Money's good. Money is important, but...

- Money!

Oh, my god!

That's you in 20 years, you know that!

So many moms, so little time.

All of them good, none of them perfect.

Yeah, but she looks hot.

I don't even think that's her face.

I mean...

Stop it.

Hey.

I know that moving again

was the last thing you girls needed.

And I'm so sorry we had to do it again.

But I know this is gonna sound really corny...

I really believe...

that we can overcome anything together.

- Okay. Okay, can we keep her?

- Look! The babies are dead!

What happened?

Sometimes when a hamster-mom

feels like her babies are in danger...

they'll kill them so they won't have to go

through the pain of someone else doing it.

You see, not many kids have had to deal...

with the things weve had to deal with.

So there aren't really many people out

there who can understand us.

I mean, all weve really got...

all well ever really have, is each other.

Meet the neighbors.

Yes!

- Welcome home.

- Ta-da!

See? It really is gonna be great here.

Are you shitting me?

Language, Beth.

They gave me graveyard tonight, but...

I guess it's a start, right?

And if you weren't working,

youd be making duck a la orange, right?

I'm really trying.

And I would appreciate just a little bit

of positivity from you.

Okay.

Oh! Wish me good luck.

Good luck.

Thanks.

Now, when you've lived in

as many places as we have...

you develop an ability

to make yourself at home...

faster than the average Josephine.

And the most crucial of

all interior design elements is lighting.

I mean, good lighting can hide anything.

Okay. So?

What do you think?

Hottie or nottie?

Sometimes I'm amazed

we share the same genetic material.

Didn't answer the question.

I've always known

I was destined for greatness.

And senior year?

That's when the clock starts ticking.

I mean, if you're gonna win the Nobel Prize,

a Pulitzer, and an Oscar...

this is when ya gotta start bringin it.

You know, Beth...

you are just a junior.

Okay? A little tiny caterpillar...

who can't even begin to appreciate...

the magnitude of my butterfly-ness.

Kay?

You will someday.

Everybody I know has always thought...

"Why would something big

ever happen to me?"

And I've always thought,

"Well, why wouldn't it?"

Suit yourself.

Oh, wow, that's dark.

You want the limelight,

I wanna be in Twilight.

Actually, I'd settle for just a single spotlight.

Come here, I'm gonna drink your blood!

It's amazing

what one little summer break can do.

I mean, I almost forgot how Banana Republic

the general pop is around here.

Oh, my god. He is so fetching.

You think that I have a shot

with him now that I've got the new look?

Yes, Sandra.

I'm sure the captain of the football team...

is dying to take a slutty welfare chick to prom.

Well, he is dating Ashley.

Whatever. I'd disown you if you actually

went out on a date with that stump.

Goth Lord, ten oclock.

I think that's Justin Ross.

You know a guy 10 years, you only wanna

blow him when he starts wearing mascara.

It's amazing

what one little summer break can do.

What's with you?

What's with her?

She's a senior now.

Come on. First day of school!

Isn't it like so cute

when juniors fall in love?

- So cute!

- Yeah.

So your mom moved away

over the summer break...

but the two of you moved in with your aunt...

because she still lives

in this school district?

Yes. Yeah, we discussed it as a family...

and we came to the conclusion

that since I'm now a senior...

and Beth here is a junior...

that it would be best if, you know, we..

So if I were to call your aunt right now...

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