People You May Know

---

["Fuel to Fire" playing]

Do you want me

On your mind

Or do you want me to go on

I might be yours

As sure as I can say

Be gone be faraway

Like fuel to fire

Roses on parade

They follow you around

Into the town we go

Into your hideaway

Where the towers grow

Gone to be faraway

Sing quietly

Along

Excuse me.

[phone keypad clicking]

Sing quietly

Along

[people chattering]

Hey!

Ah! Here's my handsome giant.

It's finally happening.

Yeah.

This guy tricked me. He's

gonna take me down the aisle,

take me off the market.

It's funny.

Oh, we have someone here

we want you to meet.

Yeah. All you have to do is just

Clooney charm the sh*t out of her

and you're gold.

Or you could just be

your charming self.

Oh, please. I Clooney

charmed you the day we met.

What? What are you

talking about?

I did. I gave you

Gravity Clooney,

with a little bit of

Three Kings mixed in.

You never even saw

it coming.

- You never Cloonied anything.

- He was helpless.

[woman] I mean, a guy

comes up to me at a bar

and says that he thinks

I'm hot.

That's super strange.

He's probably a serial killer,

or, like, republican

or something.

If I'm gonna meet a guy

for the first time,

I have to be able

to Google him,

like, a deep Goog.

And the results that are not just

be, like, his Linkedin profile.

Like, I wanna know as much

about him as digitally possible.

I wanna know his likes

and his unlikes.

Don't you mean "dislikes"?

I wanna know if he takes

selfies in the mirror.

'Cause if you don't

do your research,

the next thing you know you're

gonna be swept off your feet

and you end up

back at his place,

and you find out that he still

listens to Kings of Leon.

I mean, I don't...

I'm not in social media

at all... or whatever.

I'm in front of the screen so

much with my job as it is.

What do you mean?

I mean, I don't see

the point, I guess.

I talk to people that

I wanna talk to,

and when I wanna

talk to 'em.

Well, how are you ever

gonna meet someone?

Someday I wanna be able

to tell my children

that their mother and I

were at the same place

at the same time,

and she was so beautiful

that despite any fear or

social awkwardness

that I have

on a regular basis,

I had got up the courage

to go across the room

and say, "Hi, I'm Jed."

That's really sweet.

But in your

fairytale scenario,

you're completely basing it

on one thing.

Looks.

How superficial.

I mean, that's how

Will and Dave met.

They met at this bar

six years ago.

Spoiler alert.

Those two met on Match.

No.

Wait, what?

[laughter]

Seriously. Your mother and I,

we think that marriage

is this thing that

the younger generations

scoff at nowadays.

It's not cool to

get married anymore.

It's cool to grow a beard,

it's cool to sleep around.

It's cool to smoke a cigarette

made of electricity.

What's cool, two people

supporting each other,

without question.

Love each other...

without question.

Okay, I'm gonna stop

before I get too emotional.

Just know that

your mother and I

couldn't be more proud

to call you our sons.

Cheers.

[all] Cheers.

- I love you.

- I love you, too.

This is how we do it

This is my favorite song

from ninth grade.

Let's freak!

Sha-la-la-la

This is how we do it

[melancholy instrumental music]

You know what

makes me crazy?

I'm sorry. Can I say this?

You know what

makes me nuts?

The fact that

We could be together

Here together

Sharing our night

Spending our time

And you are gonna choose

Someone else to be with

It is f***ed up how good

were, Franky.

I mean, that...

That was some Meryl sh*t.

- Mm-hmm.

- If there was a Best Performance by an actress

in a community

theater production,

you would win it.

And I hope that, you know, you would

thank me in your acceptance speech,

which you probably wouldn't,

you ungrateful slut.

- Thanks, Abby.

- I mean, I'm quitting.

I mean, who cares that

I was on Xanadu on Broadway?

Right? I mean,

what's the f***ing point?

Hey, where's Phil?

He's at home, grading,

uh, or something.

Mid-term's coming up,

I think.

Okay.

Not to be rude or anything,

but what the f*** are you doing

wasting your talents here?

I mean, no offense

to the lovely locals.

I'm sure this place is like totally

gorg during the day and all,

but, sh*t,

if you were back in the city,

you would tear it up.

Thank you, but, this is...

You know, this is home now.

Speaking of, are you gonna

follow me back to the house?

Oh, babes, I wish I could.

I'm sure your house

is quaint as f***.

But I have rehearsal

in the village, so...

But hey, could you please come down

and hang out with me some time?

We could go out,

we could get drunk,

you could crash at my place.

Hangover brunch in the morn.

You know, um...

It's hard to get away

on weekends, so...

Okay.

Well...

Whatever makes you comfy.

[engine idling]

[turns off engine]

Hey.

Hey.

[TV playing in the background]

[sighs heavily]

I really miss it.

Huh.

Honey, I do, too.

I tell you every weekend, those poppy

seed bagels from Black Seed...

- Phew!

- No, I mean, it's...

more than that. It's...

Every day was a new

possibility, you know.

A chance for something

to happen.

It's not the same here.

Right.

But, let's not forget

there is a lot that

sucked about it.

And here we're finally

on tenure.

We finally own.

And, yes,

it's not our dream house

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