Pants on Fire

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[]

TRUST ME, BOYS.

NO ONE ELSE WILL THINK TO MEE DANNY KOSTAS BEFORE SCHOOL.

WHOA.

NO ONE?

HALF THE TOWN IS HERE.

YES! BUT...

HALF THE TOWN ISN'T.

JACK OUTSMARTED:

HALF THE TOWN.

MM-HMM.

I PROMISED:

YOU GUYS AUTOGRAPHS,

AND WE ARE GONNA

GET AUTOGRAPHS.

I HAVE A PLAN.

OH! HEY.

NO ONE'S

ALLOWED BACK HERE.

OH, THANK GOODNESS!

A SECURITY GUARD.

MOM ALWAYS SAID,

"IF YOU NEED HELP,

FIND A SECURITY GUARD."

WELL, YOUR MOM SOUNDS

LIKE A VERY WISE LADY.

WHAT SEEMS:

TO BE THE TROUBLE?

YEAH, WHAT SEEMS

TO BE THE TROUBLE?

IT'S BEARS.

-BEARS?

- BEARS!

NOT BEARS.

I'M TERRIFIED OF BEARS.

BEARS ARE THE WORST.

WHY WOULD THERE BE BEARS

AT A CONVENTION CENTER?

IT'S THE DROUGHT.

THEY'RE COMING DOWN

FROM THE MOUNTAINS.

THEY'RE FORAGING

FOR FOOD.

-MM-HMM. I-I-IN THE DUMPSTER.

-ON TOP OF THE PARKING GARAGE.

FURTHER DOWN THE ALLEY.

WHEN YOU IRONED ON

THAT SECURITY BADGE,

YOU SWORE AN OATH

TO PROTEC THIS CONVENTION CENTER.

WELL, TODAY...

YOUR CONVENTION CENTER

NEEDS YOU.

WE NEED A HERO!

WE NEED...

OTIS.

ARE YOU SURE IT WAS BEARS?

OH, OTIS...

OTIS!

WOULD I LIE TO YOU?

YOU KIDS STAY HERE.

IT'S BEAR SEASON.

[REVERSE-ALERT WHINES]

NOW WE JUST HAVE TO

SIT BACK, RELAX,

AND WAIT FOR DANNY KOSTAS

TO ROLL IN.

HEH.

OKAY. I KNOW

WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE

OTIS JUST FELL FOR THAT," RIGHT?

WELL, NOW, DON'T BLAME HIM,

BECAUSE HE NEVER REALLY

HAD A CHANCE.

SEE, EVERYBODY HAS

A SPECIAL TALENT.

SOME PEOPLE ARE... ATHLETES.

AND SOME PEOPLE CAN

PUT THEIR ENTIRE FIS IN THEIR MOUTH.

SORT OF.

BUT ME?

MY SPECIAL TALENT?

I CAN LIE.

NOW, EVER SINCE

I WAS A LITTLE KID,

I WAS JUST ALWAYS REALLY GOOD

AT MAKING STUFF UP.

I FIGURED, REGULAR LIFE

IS BORING ENOUGH ON ITS OWN.

WHY NO SPICE IT UP A LITTLE, HUH?

[]

LIKE THE TIME I BUSTED MY ARM

WHEN I BLEW THE LANDING

ON THE SICKEST FLIP OF MY LIFE.

GAH!

[GROANS]

NOW, I COULDN'T TELL MY MOM

HOW IT REALLY HAPPENED.

SHE SAID ONE MORE ACCIDEN AND MY BIKE

WOULD BE HISTORY.

SO MAYBE...

SO MAYBE MY ARM GOT BROKEN

PROTECTING THE HABITA OF AN ENDANGERED OWL

FROM TWO:

TREE-HUNGRY LUMBERJACKS.

GET 'IM!

[LUMBERJACK SCREAMS]

[GROANING]

-OH!

-[THUD]

YOU!

OH!

AHH!

[OWL HOOTING]

JACK PARKER,

THAT'S WHO.

AND WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

I GOT TO KEEP MY BIKE

AND I MADE MY PARENTS PROUD.

NOW, MAYBE

I DIDN'T HAVE THE NERVE

TO ASK JENNIFER:

TO THE WINTER FORMAL.

HI, JACK.

OR ASK HER ANYTHING AT ALL.

OR MAYBE I HAD A SMOKIN'-HO GIRLFRIEND FROM ARIZONA

WHO DIDN'T WANT ME

GOING OUT WITH ANYONE ELSE.

[SHRIEKING MANIACALLY]

SHE'S SUPER-POSSESSIVE.

MAYBE I WENT OVERBOARD

ON THAT LIE.

BUT...

MY BEST LIE,

MY GREATEST FABRICATION

OF ALL,

WAS MIKEY.

SEE, MY BELOVED RED SOX

WERE IN TOWN,

AND RYAN, ERIC, AND I

HAD SCORED AWESOME SEATS

RIGHT BEHIND HOME PLATE.

THE ONLY PROBLEM WAS,

I HADN'T CLEANED MY ROOM

IN EIGHT MONTHS.

YOUNG MAN,

YOU ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE

UNTIL THIS ROOM IS SPOTLESS.

BUT... MOM!

[DEJECTED SIGH]

I... HAVE TO...

HELP... THAT KID.

-WHAT KID?

-THAT KID THAT...

I TUTOR?

MOM, I SWEAR, YOU DON'T LISTEN

TO A THING I SAY.

YOU TUTOR SOMEONE?

YEAH, IT'S QUITE WONDERFUL.

I, YOU KNOW, I TRY NOT TO MAKE

A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT.

YOU KNOW,

JUST DOING MY PART.

HELPING A KID--

WHAT'S THIS KID'S NAME?

UH, MIKE.

BUT I CALL HIM MIKEY, YOU KNOW?

WE'RE KINDA TIGHT LIKE THAT,

YOU KNOW?

I'M KIND OF HIS ONLY FRIEND.

I AM SO...

[INHALING DEEPLY]

PROUD OF YOU!

YOU JUST GO.

HELP THAT MIKEY, OKAY?

SEE WHAT I MEAN?

COUPLE OF HARMLESS

FABRICATIONS AND...

JUST LIKE THAT,

THINGS JUST GET INTERESTING.

ERIC?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

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