
Out Cold
Hey, everybody.
Welcome to Bull Mountain...
a slice of heaven...
nestled in the cleavage
of Alaska's high country.
It all started when a young
saw the promise
of a new life...
the old-fashioned way--
he stole it from the Eskimos.
'Round these parts,
Each year,
by droppin' his britches....
and blazing down
that mountain bare-assed....
in one of his famous
"moon-shine" runs.
Papa loved to ski...
and Papa loved to drink...
but most of all,
Papa loved to ski and drink...
at the same time.
Last year,
he died with his boots on...
Bull Mountain,
don't go changin'!
And not much else.
Nowadays, Papa's boy
runs the mountain.
the free-wheelin' spirit...
of Papa's life.
You could say that this
mountain's a lot like a woman.
Just when you think you
know every inch of her...
and you're about
to dip your skis...
into some soft, deep powder--
You got two broke legs,
cracked ribs...
then you pay
your twenty bucks...
just to let her punch your
lift ticket all over again.
News flash.
Muntz is selling the mountain.
The entire mountain?
Why would he want
to get rid of this place?
I like this place
exactly the way it is.
Maybe the buyer can supply...
the mountain
with what it really needs--
hot friggin' chicks.
Guys, you know, more girls?
Let's give Lance a chance,
all right?
Jenny, what's going on?
Jenny!
What's up, guys?
What, are you drinking
without me?
Hey, Lance.
Hey, girlfriend.
What you drinkin'?
Whatever the lady would like,
just put it on my tab.
I will have a beer, then.
And five shots of Goldschlager,
please.
Rick, you are an idiot
not to go for Jenny...
and don't give me
Are you sniffing me?
There you go.
Thank you.
Man. If I was her...
I'd be gettin' with every dude
on this mountain.
Hey, boys.
You're killin' me!
Cheers, everybody!
People.
And Pig Pen,
my poor excuse for a brother.
Our boy Rick here...
has been bitching
and moaning all week long...
I have not.
And I think it's time
that we do something...
to cheer him up.
Don't you agree?
Perhaps tonight is the night
that we crown this year's...
King of the Mountain.
Did somebody just say...
King of the Mountain?
I know you want
to defend your title.
If I must.
Good evening.
You all know the rules
of King of the Mountain.
Rule number one--
you do not talk about
King of the Mountain.
Rule number two--
there are no rules.
That's more of a guideline
than a rule.
Do not interrupt!
And now, the three-peat champion
of King of the Mountain...
Rick Rambis. Richard?
OK. Here's how it works.
Everyone must have a beer.
It's a race to the bottom.
The first one
to the statue of Papa Muntz...
with the most beer
in your glass--Pig Pen--
shall be proclaimed this year's
King of the Mountain.
And, as an added bonus...
you also win the contents
of Eric's stolen wallet...
which are, Luke?
Two bucks...
a condom...
expiration date 1 997...
and a picture
of his grandma--no!
That's Nancy Reagan.
But most importantly...
pushing, shoving,
and cheating are encouraged.
Try not to wipe out
like you did last year...
and the year before,
Thanks, Luke,
I really appreciate that.
No problem.
Pig Pen, if you would.
Strap 'em in.
On your marks, get set--
Everybody ready?
Go!
-Suckers!
-Cheater!
Not tonight, Pig Pen!
Go grand, Anthony!
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Citation
Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:
"Out Cold" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 2 Mar. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/out_cold_15418>.