Osmosis Jones

Dad, you have the coolest job.

I should hang out with

a better class of animals.

Oh, come on.

Have some class.

We got mixed company here.

You know, genetically speaking,

monkeys are our first cousins.

Uncle Bob's kids?

I'd agree with that.

No, I' m serious.

Some scientists say their diets

are more evolved.

This is about diets again, huh?

You should eat more fruits and

vegetables. Like monkeys do.

Honey, the reason that monkeys

eat so many fruits and vegetables...

...is because they' re not

smart enough to butcher a cow.

Your mother, bless her soul,

didn't believe the old ideas...

...about nursing and breast-feeding.

You were fed cheeseburgers as a baby.

And you' re as strong as a bull.

Smell like a cow.

High cholesterol,

but there's medicine.

An angioplasty clears it out.

You' re great, honey.

I'll start working out tomorrow.

-I'll take better care of myself.

-So you'll go on the hike with me?

First things first. Eat your lunch.

We'll talk later.

Give me that egg, pal!

Give me the egg!

Dad, stop it! What are you doing?

It's my egg! Come on!

It's just an egg!

Okay, now I gotta choke you!

Now who's evolved?

All that salad slow you down, buddy?

That's filthy.

Ten-second rule:

Hits the ground, you can

eat it within 10 seconds.

-Saliva one, what have you got?

-An egg 2-20. E-Gamma-Gamma. Over.

-Any mayo?

-Affirmative.

Slow bowel traffic....

Enzyme breakdown in ten.

When I was a rookie cell,

you could eat off this place.

Look at it now. Jeez...

...what a disgrace.

See anything, kid?

I do.

Nice genes. Got chromosomes

in all the right places.

-Jones.

-A toothbrush can handle this.

I wish you'd take this job

more seriously.

You see this badge?

You see this gun?

See this gooey sackus membranous

around my personhood?

-Here we go again.

-You dealing with a white blood cell!

I should fight disease in the veins!

Not here, on tartar control!

Lucky you ain't in a scab.

We got germs on that egg.

Baby! It's Ozzy time!

Probably gingivitis,

don't get carried away.

You have entered the city of Frank.

Hands up.

Surrender for digestion.

Saliva one, requesting

ground support. Over.

Bicuspid four,

we' re in the vicinity.

This is a private organism.

Don 't run.

Up spit creek without a paddle.

Don 't get me mad.

I will turn into a germicidal maniac.

Halt. Saliva Patrol.

Son of a botulism!

They swiped the patrol car!

Get out of here.

You done done it now.

Holy Frank!

He 's about to yawn!

We 're getting sucked in!

I told city hall we need more sleep!

Hold tight, kid!

Osmosis Jones to dispatch.

We got multiple germs

coming down the windpipe.

If they hit the blood stream,

we 'll be illing.

Nose-dripping,

chicken-soup-drinking...

...rectal-thermometer-sticking,

illing!

-Permission to pursue?

-Chief.

-You got plans for the weekend?

-Oh, yeah.

Me and my girlfriend are going

to the IKidneys to see the Stones.

Good, they could pass any day.

All units south of the stomach,

lookout for illegal organism.

Jones, you want to keep yourjob?

Wait for backup!

I can get them.

I said stay put.

-Over.

-You heard the chief.

Out of ourjurisdiction.

It's lmmunity's problem.

We should get to the mouth.

-Hey, Jones!

-Chief, you'll thank me later.

Don 't think about it.

You 're in enough trouble.

Jones!

Slow down! Slow down!

Wait, wait, what the--?

Shouldn't you be up in the mouth?

This is my bust. I saw him first.

You want Osmosis? You got Osmosis.

Bye-bye, cop!

Sorry, baby. But it's time

you take your medicine.

Dang. Always pulls to the right.

Dad, what's wrong? Oh, my God.

It's a cramp!

Officer down.

These stairs are killing me, honey.

We may have to move.

But, Dad, there's only four steps.

All right, if you love it here...

... I'll build a ramp.

It's been three hours since lunch

and we' re still cleaning up this egg.

Man, would you look at all that gunk.

Seriously.

Does he roll his food

on the ground before he eats it?

We need to send a letter to the mayor

about washing our hands before we eat.

Like he's going to listen to us.

Hey, cells vote, man.

Cells vote.

Got you, you little....

Artie?

What's going on over there?

Holy spit.

Careful, I' m contagious.

I don't like!

I'll turn up the heat in here.

Connecting, please hold.

One moment.

Now connecting.

Mr. Mayor, how will you deal

with the fat-cell housing shortage?

I'd like to announce we' re beginning

construction on a third chin.

We' re having jock itch!

Any comments on today's cramp?

What about the hair cells

laid off from the scalp?

There'll be plenty of new jobs

on the back.

What about the request

for better nutrition?

85% of red blood cell children

don't know how to carry oxygen.

People, people you worry too much.

The body is in perfect shape.

No more questions. Thank you.

Do they know I work hard?

Nobody cares.

-Mr. Mayor--

-Leah, I've got a body to run.

-I've got Tom Colonic's new ad.

-Let's go, put it on.

This is a paid announcement.

The bowels didn 't always

smell this way.

Eating right and exercise...

...kept this area

a center of activity.

But during Phlemming 's term,

rot and stagnation...

...paralyzed this neighborhood...

... the colon, and the sphincter.

It's time we get things moving again.

I'm Tom Colonic.

As mayor, I'd set long-term goals...

... that include salads

and eating bran.

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